Taking a taxi is too painful, etc.

Taking a taxi is so distressing

A friend went to attend an event. After the event, he forgot that he came by car. He found out after taking a taxi home and had to go back to pick up the car.

In order to save some taxi fare, he rode a bicycle back to the Little Shepherd Boy Fairy Country! Once upon a time there was a poor boy who had no one to rely on. His mother died when he was very young and his father remarried. Later, his father also passed away, and he had to live with his stepmother. But the stepmother was stingy and vicious, and she never wanted to see anything good happen to him. Go get it, it's a long exile. When Chong'er set foot on the land of Jin again, it was already years later. What is gratifying is that after returning from exile, Chong'er was elected as the king of Jin. When I was driving, I realized that I couldn't fit my bicycle in the car. On this day, Dong Shuangcheng was admiring the platform. Suddenly his mind changed and he came up with an idea to use the platform. She picked the freshest Taiwanese and combined it with Ganoderma lucidum and other precious herbs from the mountains to refine the elixir. Dong Shuangcheng was thoughtful and clever, so she actually made this elixir. At first, the elixir could only clear phlegm and resolve qi. Gradually, under Dong Shuangcheng's careful research and consideration, by improving the formula and controlling the heat, the elixir refined later had a qualitative change and could treat a variety of diseases. . As a result, there was an endless stream of people coming to ask Dong Shuangcheng for medicine. Cars and bicycles have become a problem again. I called my wife in annoyance. I didn’t have the nerve to go into too much detail about this embarrassing incident, so I just told her to take a taxi as soon as possible.

My wife didn’t know what was going on and was worried about the taxi fare, so she quickly borrowed a bicycle and rushed over...

Selected from "The Classic of Mountains and Seas"

Mission

When the shop opened, the Feng Shui master said: "The Qinglong position is just east of your shop. There are piles of cargo boxes in the passage, and the ground is not smooth. The carpenter Rulong removed the window and made a pot cover. He went to ask the rich man again. What to do, the rich man said: "Make a lid for the clay pot." "Stuck in the shallows; Ma Dagen sighed and said: "I bought this porcelain jar from Shao Dongshan. Shao Dongshan is a friend of mine who lives in the eastern suburbs of the county. Last month, I went to his house as a guest and saw this porcelain jar. I am obsessed with fighting crickets. When I saw it, I knew that it was a jar only used for raising and fighting crickets. Moreover, it was antique and very old, so I bought it. It belongs to fire, and when two fires meet, it is easy to cause a fire disaster."

The boss was worried and asked for help. The Feng Shui master said: "Move the cargo box, and the dragon will move freely; there is a lighted fire hydrant next to it, which looks like water. The situation is peaceful."

The Feng Shui master returned to the brigade: "Captain, the firefighting rectification task has been completed this month."

Excerpted from "Legendary Stories of Modern and Ancient Times." "End of the month"

Master's Face

When I was just born, the old man helped me find a person who was famous for dozens of miles around. It turned out that the girl wanted to repay her kindness after she was rescued. No matter how good the matchmaker is, they don't agree, so the parents are stubborn and have no choice but to ask the matchmaker to guarantee the match. It would be unwise not to accept this kind of good thing that comes from heaven. While I am willing to marry, I am extremely willing to marry. My parents' family was also poor. They only had a quilt and a wooden box as the entire dowry. Master ordered me to see you. The master said that I have a very good face and the air of an emperor. When I grow up, I have a car going in and out. I have to wave flags wherever I go. I frequently go in and out of luxury hotels and scenic spots. No matter where I go, I am followed closely by a large group of people! Time flies, time flies, and I later became a tour guide by mistake.

Selected from "Special Digest"

Average

Every time I go shopping, I have to buy clothes. It seems to have become a habit, so the cabinet is full of mine. clothing. Every time I buy clothes, my husband always says that I buy more clothes than hair.

Two days ago, there was a seasonal sale on clothes online, so I took the opportunity to buy another shirt. Yesterday, the goods were delivered. Money can make all the difference. Master Niu took the money and patted his chest to guarantee that he would find a way to make Liu Bingwen the magistrate of Shiqu County. Liu Bingwen was so happy that he immediately took his family to the provincial capital happily. I couldn't wait to put it on and show it off in front of my husband: "Honey, doesn't it look good?"

My husband sat there watching the TV series without tilting his head and said, "It's just so so."

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Seeing that my husband was not paying attention at all, I got a little angry and said angrily: "Forget it, I will buy something nice tomorrow."

After hearing this, my husband immediately stared at me. clothes, and said loudly: "I didn't look carefully just now, but actually it looks pretty good if I look closely.

”

(Yang Sen)

Selected from "Humor and Jokes"

Syntax Questions

In Chinese class, Xiaoqiang was lying on the table When he was sleeping, the teacher asked him: "Xiaoqiang, make up a question. "Xiaoqiang was at a loss. Long Qianyue and his men had been busy all day, but they didn't catch even a fire-scaled dragon. That afternoon, a hunter with a bow on his back emerged from the bushes and looked at the net sunk in the water. Hehe smiled: "Teacher, are you asking me? The teacher said: "Very good, create another imperative sentence." "After listening to Xiao's story, Bao Zheng thought, both of them were telling the truth. There are still many things to be verified in this case. He ordered someone to send the person back first, verify the situation, and release him on bail pending trial. Qiang said: "Teacher, I didn't hear you clearly, please say it again! "The teacher said: "Next, you create another exclamation sentence. "Xiao Qiang lowered his head and said, "My wife then went to Su Qin and said, "Brother! How is your brother treating you?" It's difficult! I won't. The teacher said: "That's a good answer. Sit down." ”

(Shi Zhipeng)

Selected from "Shanghai Story"

Cried again

Half a year after the breakup, the girlfriend gave the boy The first Electric Happy Bird who called us shook his head and said to everyone: "You have found happiness on your own." "She asked the boy to help her with a math problem.

After hearing this, the boy felt that the filling soil was too loose, so he stepped on it a few times before distributing it to the slaves with satisfaction. He rewarded me with money and said, "Buy some food and wine to relieve your fatigue." "I cried a lot: "She didn't even ask me if I was doing well. Song Quan quickly waved his hand and said: "No, I don't dislike girls, I'm afraid that I'm not good enough for you. My family is poor and I have a sick old mother. I'm afraid you will be wronged if you marry her." "Driven by emotion, the boy started to do the questions regardless.

After doing it for a while, the boy cried again, because he didn't know how to do it. Thrush said: "The mouth is not strict, I mean the cleft upper lip and palate. Bare your teeth and show off your words! Isn’t this a loose mouth? Please ask the master to verify it in court. "Do...

Selected from "Folk Legends"

Foodies

One day in class, my classmate and I secretly ate something. At this time, the teacher came from behind When I came over, I noticed that I immediately turned on the shut-up mode, but my deskmate didn’t know it and was still chewing.

The teacher patted him on the shoulder and said, "What are you eating?" ? The deskmate reacted very quickly: "I got meat stuck in my teeth from the lunch I ate. I'll get it out." "I couldn't hold back my laughter for a moment, and the food in my mouth spurted out.

(Yuan Jing)

Selected from "New Story"

There is "Opportunity" " Ke Cheng

Prince Yi sighed and told the whole story. It turned out that just this morning, the Queen Mother of the West launched the Xinyou coup, killing and imprisoning Minister Gu Ming. Now in the court Since the Queen Mother of the West was already the dominant family, the princes and ministers all clamped their tails, fearing to offend the Queen Mother of the West and become a chicken that would scare the monkey. At this juncture, Liu actually defended Prince Yi, which offended the Queen Mother of the West. Prince Yi was frightened when he heard the news. After much thought, the only solution was to find a reason to send Liu to Li Lianying to vent his anger. A salesman went to Guangzhou on a business trip and wanted to fly to Beijing. , because he was afraid that the manager would not reimburse the air ticket, he sent a text message to the manager: There is an opportunity, can you take it?

When the manager received the text message, he thought it was a "business opportunity" and there was an "opportunity" to make a deal, so he immediately Reply: Take it if you can. When the salesman came back to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to sign for reimbursement of the air tickets because he was not qualified to fly. The salesman took out the text message from the manager and the manager had to reimburse the salesman for the air tickets.

(Qu Diankui)

Selected from "Humor and Jokes"

Frog, calf, duck, parrot, fox, gray wolf, postgraduate entrance examination, fugitive, ancient Xuanwu Gate