I urgently need a script for a junior high school drama, so I don't need to act it. Anyway, I'll play a play!

Simple and easy to perform, the plot is very funny, the script was written a few years ago, and it can be improved ~

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(Madison Square, bench)

(Soapy is tossing and turning on the bench, fidgeting)

Man A and Man B (coming on stage from both sides, greeting each other and exiting): Goodbye.

(Playing Sun Yue's Peace)

Narrator: Greetings between people add a layer of frost to this already cold winter. At this time, in order to resist the cold winter, soapy should personally organize a finance Committee. To this end, he tossed and turned on the bench and couldn't sleep for a long time. Soapy's winter plans are not extravagant. He doesn't want to cruise in the Mediterranean, bask in the sleepy sun in the south, and even less wander in Vesuvius Bay. His dream is to stay on the island (Blackwell Island Prison) for three months, with food and shelter.

Soapy (indignant): God, how can you be so unfair? Like me (pulling out a banner from behind, it says), Yushu is facing the wind, heroic and invincible, which is handsome to me, but why are you so poor? Are good people not rewarded? (Playing music "Good Life and Peace") Those rich people spend all their time drinking, but what about me? There is nothing but a suit. (Looking back) Oh, there are some newspapers. Soapy, Soapy, you wicked child, even your name is so ugly, like a dog.

Your wife (goes on stage, walks past Soapy with a Beijing bar in her hand, and turns around): Soapy, Soapy, come, (affectionately calls the dog, holds it in her arms and caresses it) Soapy is good and goes home to make you Jinghua ham. Let's go home early in such cold weather. If you freeze, you will become stupid, and (pointing to Soapy) you will be just like that person. Hum! (End)

Soapy (pointing angrily at the sky): I'm not even as good as a dog. God, I curse you and make you worse than me!

Priest (stepping onto the stage and quickly crossing his chest): Amen, Lord, please forgive this poor child! He said such bold words because of hunger and cold. (Approaching Soapy and stroking Soapy's head) Lord, forgive his ignorance! Young man, don't speak ill of God behind his back. If you have any questions, just scold him. (Pointing at the sky with both hands, Sichuan dialect) Fuck you, Lao Mu. What are you, son of a bitch? I'm going to kill your family! (to Soapy calmly) Remember, do this, or you will be struck by lightning.

Several plastic bottles flew out from the background and hit the priest. Soapy also took the opportunity to take off his shoes and beat the priest. The priest rushed off the stage with his head in his arms.

Soapy was about to speak when the priest came back. Soapy thought he was going to get revenge, and he was scared to hide to one side. The priest quickly picked up the plastic bottle, and he was still mumbling "rich, rich!" " "Step down. )

Soapy (making a defiant gesture to the priest's back, only raising his middle finger): Shit, (suddenly I found another bottle, picked it up and threw it at the priest. Turn around, arms akimbo, look up) Oh, my God! What are you? In English, you are nothing more than a rolling dog (dog-God's unarmed comparison) (four people are fighting, wearing a uniform red uniform, and the words "God's help" are printed on their backs. Step down after soapy)

(Soapy was inexplicably trying to say something after being bombed, and suddenly there was a thunder, which scared Soapy to the ground, and his voice trembled): God, I know you are a big man. Bah, I didn't say anything. I will pray every day, but now you can give me some water, no, no, even a piece of sugar. (Throwing sugar backstage, Soapy picks it up and eats it; Another bottle of water) or robust. God, you are so kind, just like my father. Can you give me some more bread, Manhattan, beer, five-star beer, banknotes, women, houses and cars with Lincoln's head? ...

Before the words were finished, suddenly another man rushed up and beat Soapy with his air hammer. Another man walked across the stage with a sign that said "God".

God (while hitting): Your boy is too greedy. How much do I earn a month? If there is such a beautiful thing, who wants to be God?

Soapy (beating his head and shouting): Stop it! Who are you?

God: I am God!

Soapy (standing erect): You are so amazing, I'd better give it to Sakyamuni!

God gave Soapy another hammer. Soapy was in a hurry, grabbed a hammer and hit God.

God (shouting): I am God, I am God ... I have a license ... (pulls out a stack of licenses from my clothes and looks for them one by one)

Soapy (gloating, grabbing it and throwing it on the ground, shouting): So it's you, God!

(Change the scene, God escapes)

(background applause, soapy is compared to a thank-you letter, and the spring breeze is full of pride): even God is pretending these days, and the Consumer Council is numb again? Blackwell Island, yes, don't worry about eating and wearing, Yahoo!

Narrator: Now that Soapy has made up his mind, he should start implementing his own plan at once. Soapy's first thought was to have a "overlord meal" so that the manager could hand him over to the police chief. Crossing the flat asphalt road at the intersection of Broadway and Fifth Avenue, Soapy saw a luxurious restaurant. (China Restaurant)

Soapy adjusted his clothes outside the door, spat, combed his hair and strode in. The waiter looked at him in surprise, but ignored him. Soapy found himself a more conspicuous position)

Soapy: hello, miss, sir (the waiter walks around without answering him)

(Male A, male B come from both ends of the stage): Yo, meet again, haha! (Man A snaps his fingers) Waiter, a bottle of Scotch 73.

Soapy (seeing this, he also learned to snap his fingers, but it didn't ring. So we should pout and learn to tease the dog (shh, shh, come, this way, this way. (A waiter walks over) Give me a dozen Manhattan breads with butter; Salty pizza; Italian macaroni with a lot of sauce; Medium rare steak, make sure it's large! A glass of ... (Soapy looks at them) What kind of' 73 chicken' is the same as them, ok?

Attendant (sorry): We don't!

Soapy (patting the table and shouting): What! No, what do you have? Isn't this a restaurant?

Attendant (Yi Zhengyan): It's a Chinese restaurant. We have four dishes, four hot dishes, four cold dishes, four pairs of dishes, four big bowls, four, ...

Soapy: Stop, stop, what is this?

Attendant (proud): Man-Han banquet!

Soapy (waving impatiently): All right, all right, whatever!

Waiter (jumping up and making a word "Ye"): How do you know that our main course is called "Whatever"! (winking at the other two waiters, serving food and pouring wine, while the three waiters stand side by side and watch "eating" coldly)

Soapy: (not paying much attention, he shouted after a while): Call your boss!

Attendant (talking loudly together): We only have the proprietress!

Soapy: [falling from his chair in fright] That's the boss's wife. I have no money anyway. Yes, by the way, call the policeman again.

(The voice did not fall, and there was a scream from the audience, "No money!" Fight a fat woman and come straight to soapy)

Soapy (flinching in fear and grabbing a cup to defend himself): Ah, ah, yes, no, no money ... (with a vibrato)

Boss (grabs Soapy's hand): Comrade, you're here! (The waiters applauded in unison and sang "Congratulations!" )) You are the 888th guest since the opening of our store, referred to as "March 8th Guest" for short. Not only can you enjoy this meal for free, but you can also get 8000 coupons from our store. You can give them to your father, mother, uncle, grandfather and brother. ...

Soapy (index finger down): Roger that!

(Man A and Man B come over and pat Soapy on the shoulder): (a) Hi, kid, Fukiera (Taiwanese) (b) Fukiera, kid!

(Music, Xu Huaiyu's Vivi, Soapy walks out of the restaurant and looks at a stack of coupons worriedly): What should I do? What's the use of so much? By the way, I can sell it! (Soapy's eyes light up)

(Man A and Man B, who are behind Soapy, rush to grab the coupon in Soapy's hand): (a) Die for me! (b) You're dead! He added two feet to Soapy who was knocked to the ground, and then left happily. )

Narrator: So Soapy left Broadway. It seems that it is impossible to go to that lovely island with a toothache. Soapy had to find another way to go to prison. After Soapy walked five blocks, the anger of wanting to be arrested returned. This opportunity is extremely rare, and he thinks it is a shoo-in. A young woman dressed simply but pleasing to the eye stood in front of the window, staring with interest at the shaving cups and ink bottles on display. And two yards away, a burly policeman was leaning against the faucet with a serious expression. Soapy's plan is to dress up as a dirty and annoying "troublemaker"

Soapy straightened the bow tie given to him by the hostess of the church, tugged at the retracted shirt cuff, threw his hat back, almost fell down, and leaned over to the hostess. He winked at her, cleared his throat, snorted and laughed, and performed all the despicable activities done by the hooligans vividly. He narrowed his eyes and saw the police staring at him. The young woman stepped away and flirted with Soapy.

Soapy (boldly following her and raising his hat): Aha, Bedelia, don't you want to play in my yard?

(The young woman smiles at Soapy. That smile made Soapy feel warm all over, just like the spring breeze in March. Soapy kept swallowing saliva and licking his lips, and the fire of desire burned in his heart.

Narrator: Soapy thought that he had never felt so happy and impulsive since the day he left the womb. The young woman in front of me seems to be the only person close to him except his mother.

The young woman slowly stretched out her right hand, as if calling soapy and saying, come on, baby. Her eyes can talk. Soapy was about to go forward when three or four big men in white suddenly rushed out from the side. The first order was: Quick, tie her up and don't let her run out again!

(At this time, the policeman on one side also came over and asked what happened. )

Man in white A (talking while tying a young woman): This woman has sneaked out three times. She's crazy!

Narrator: The beautiful dream was shattered. Soapy still needs to continue his plan. At the corner of the road, he found a jewelry store, and the big French windows were very eye-catching. Soapy suddenly had another idea.

Soapy grabs a stone from the ground and throws it out. There was only the sound of broken glass and the alarm sounded. The police rushed into the scene at once)

Soapy (seeing the police dancing and shouting): It's me, it's me, it's me (Hunan dialect).

(Three policemen pass by Soapy and point their guns at the jewelry store): Come out and put your hands on your head! (Male A and B come out of the jewelry store with fruit knives in a panic. Male A is scared to lie on the ground when he sees this battle. )

Policeman A: Put the murder weapon down quickly, or I'll shoot! (Rushing up to catch Male A and Male B)

Man B (indignant, loudly questioning): Who called the police? Who is it? ! (Caught in a press conference)

Soapy (still shouting): It's me, it's me (pointing to himself).

(Reporters are around Soapy, taking photos and visiting. A female reporter asked: How did you find bandits?

(Another reporter A): There is a great need for a brave and fearless young man like you now!

(Another reporter B): Please say a few words to the TV audience. A promising young man like you is likely to be named "Top Ten Outstanding Young People in China"!

(Soapy is a little carried away, photojournalist, holding up the camera): This way! (Soapy poses) This way! (another posture)

(Soapy just took the microphone and wanted to speak. Suddenly someone shouted "The police chief is coming" and a reporter said "Go quickly". The reporters quickly turned and left Soapy. Another reporter A asked, "What about this person?" -A finger soap. )

Reporter B: Tell him to stay in a cool place. Give me back the microphone by the way (then come and grab it from Soapy).

Soapy is left alone at once. Put "Chinese cabbage", "Chinese cabbage, the field is yellow, two or three years old, no parents ..." Use a hair dryer to gather wind. )

Narrator: A cold wind blew, and Soapy made a clever start and woke up like a dream. Facts have proved that this is not a feasible method to disturb public order. Angry soapy tore open his broken gong voice on the deserted road, shouting and screaming like an alcoholic, jumping and making noise, but he was in harmony with the passing wind (music: Bow and Shake by Korean Cool Dragon Group) (soapy jumped up with heat, took off his coat and threw it on the ground to continue)

Passerby A: Hey, this kid is a good dancer. Is it break dancing?

Passerby B: What, you're old-fashioned, and now it's called hip-hop! (takes a bunch of coins out of his pocket and throws them to soapy)

Soapy was hit by this string of coins and thought someone had cut him. I was about to throw it back, only to find that it was money): hey, can you make money like this? (Counting money)

Rogue A: Brother, that's him. This kid sells his job on our website, but he doesn't pay the protection fee! What should we do?

Rogue boss (walking up slowly): In a word, hit him!

Soapy, who has been beaten many times, screams and says it is worse than killing pigs. "Kill, kill!

Two or three hooligans gave Soapy a good beating and took the money and Soapy's clothes from the ground.

Soapy: [crawling on the ground, groaning] Police, police. ...

No one wants to help soapy, even though he is shouting, shouting and asking for help. It began to rain a little. Soapy shouted for a long time, but no one paid attention. He stood up and dusted himself (complaining): unreasonable and inhuman, so everything self-destructed! Justice is not in people's hearts, right and wrong are in strength!

Narrator: Soapy waited under the tree until the rain stopped, and then strolled to Central Park.

Soapy saw a gentleman in front of him, put his umbrella aside and tied his shoelaces. Soapy went straight over, grabbed an umbrella and turned away.

Sir (see here, drink loudly): Stop … Ah, stop! (stuttering)

Soapy: (turning around, imitating him) Why … Ah, why?

Gentleman (pointing to umbrella, pointing to Soapy, and pointing to himself): So ... you ... you ... umbrella ... mine. ...

Soapy (impatient): What, you, me, my umbrella, right? (Opening the umbrella) Well, not bad. Should I call the police? Well, there is one over there. Can I call for you? (Shouting)

Gentleman (taking a big step and blocking Soapy's mouth with his hand): Ah ... Ah, no ... That's ... that's me ... today ... this morning ... Ah, no ... I picked it, yes, I picked it ... You can take it if you want, so don't bother to call the police, I'll go by myself! (Suddenly, the gentleman stopped stuttering and shouted at the policeman) Here I am! Baby! Blackwell prison, I'm coming!

Narrator: Soapy's other plan failed. It seems that he is still shallow compared with his peers. A few badly damaged Soapy wandered around the park in frustration, wandering around like ghosts (several ghosts floated past Soapy).

A beggar is sitting on a bench reading a newspaper. Seeing someone coming, he quickly turned over the newspaper with the word "beggar" written on the back in red. )

Beggar (holding up the newspaper and waving it at Soapy), here, here, look! (big word)

Soapy: Yo, it's you. Why don't you play God?

Beggar (crawling in Soapy's ear): Isn't that what the plot needs? Directors have to save money, and one person has many angles!

(backstage, director): You are a dead walk-on. Why do you talk so much nonsense? Lines! lines!

Beggar (extremely serious, facing backstage): Actually, I am an actor!

(backstage, director): You are a dead walk-on. What kind of actor are you? You think you are Stephen Chow! You dead walk-on!

Beggar: I emphasize again that I am an actor! Even if you are a walk-on, please don't put the word "death" in front, okay?

(The above fragment imitates the fragment in "king of comedy" where Master Xing plays opposite Cecilia Cheung. )

(All the cast members, including Soapy, shouted at the beggar): Acting! Master xing!

Beggar (quickly bending down): I'm sorry, I'm sorry, (going back to the play and asking Soapy) What did you just say?

Soapy: Did I say that God is not easy? To be a beggar, do you think you are a beggar?

Beggar: Hey, do you know what clang is?

Soapy: What is clang?

Beggar: Dangdang Dangdang Dangdang only you ... ...

Soapy (holding his right hand into a fist, holding out his middle finger and wiping it on the beggar's head): Oh, your mother's head, damn it, is it again? Master xing!

(backstage, director): lines, lines!

Soapy: I took you there! Take it. After that, I gave my umbrella to the beggar, but the beggar didn't answer it and the umbrella fell to the ground. Soapy stares at the beggar)

Beggar: I told you not to throw things around. What if you hit a child? Even if you don't hit the children, it's wrong to hit the flowers and plants!

Soapy (anxious): If you talk nonsense to me again, I'll kick your ass, damn it! I hate you for a long time. You haven't paid for last night's four great happiness!

(backstage, director): Here we go again! Lines!

Soapy: It's not illegal to beat beggars!

(The beggar picks up his umbrella and walks down.)

Narrator: Isn't there a policeman to catch Soapy? In Soapy's fantasy, Blackwell Island has almost become an unreachable fairy island. Soapy shivered and finally came to a road leading to the East, and everything was calm again. Soapy still has the instinct to go home at night, even though his home is just a bench in Madison Square.

(Back on the bench, Soapy suddenly finds a coin under his foot. He played with the coins in his hand for a while. The coin fell to the ground and rolled into the ditch. Soapy took it out and sat back on the bench helplessly. )

Narrator: For an instant, Soapy felt how unfair life was to himself. Everything was owned and lost in an instant. If life deceives you/you don't have to be sad, you don't have to be sad/depressed, you have to endure/please believe that a happy moment will come/your mind is always looking forward to the future/reality is always boring/everything passes in an instant/becomes the past/and everything in the past/will become wonderful.

(Just when Soapy was discouraged, suddenly a kind but dignified voice came down from the sky and called for Soapy): Soapy, Soapy.

Soapy (love answers): Who is it? Ignore me, I'm bored!

(Voice): I am God!

Soapy: Come on, how about something fresh? Always making fun of the people, don't you? Oh, my God. Really? All right, I curse you and kill your family! Suddenly, a golden light hit soapy. Music: Zhao Jiping's Knife Meeting, that is, the song of Supreme Bao when he turned into the Monkey King in A Chinese Odyssey).

Soapy suddenly froze. When he remembered something, the light had disappeared.

Soapy (reaching for the lamp): Struggle, struggle, struggle (Japanese, etc.). Don't go, God, don't abandon the children who believe in you!

God: I'm afraid you will kill my family!

Soapy (hands folded in prayer): Lord, please have mercy on me, because I have been calling you all day. Lord, please make your servant's heart glad, for my heart looks to you. Lord, you are kind, willing to forgive, and have rich love for all those who call on you. I called on you in the day of my trouble, because you will answer me. Because you are great, you have done wonderful things, and only you are God! (Excerpted from David's prayer in the Bible) (The light is getting brighter and brighter with Soapy's prayer)

God: My poor child, I won't abandon you. Have you forgotten that there is a kind person willing to help you?

Soapy: Who but God? No, no, I remember. It is a leather importer. Yes, he is a kind man. I will go to him. I am still young, and I still have a lot of time to realize my dream. As long as I am willing to fight and dare to fight. Thank god, amen! God bless you!

God: @ *&%$ # @ …

Narrator: Soapy was silently moved by God, singing hymns, and the moon hung high in the night sky, shining and silent; Fewer pedestrians and vehicles; The birds under the eaves chirped a few times in their sleep-this realm resonated with Soapy leaning against the iron railing, because when there were maternal love, roses, ambitions, friends, pure and innocent thoughts and white-collar workers in his life, he was very familiar with hymns. Soapy has always hated the quagmire in which he was trapped. His life was composed of decadent years, shameful desires, pessimism and disappointment, mental exhaustion and despicable motives.

No, it's all over God's word made him realize that he had conquered his long-controlled evil heart and a better life was waiting for him. A strong and rapid impulse inspired Soapy to challenge and fight against the bumpy fate!

But ... God is also a petty god.

Soapy felt a hand on his arm. He turned to look at the broad face of a policeman.

Policeman: Did you have a good time?

Soapy: Generally, it is the third in the world. (Surprised) How come it's you again, a false god, a beggar, and now a policeman! (suddenly calms down again) Oh, I see. Are you a walk-on? The makeup is ok, but even this police uniform doesn't look like yours.

Policeman: Hey, what are you talking about? The guy who plays the police said that he forgot to buy lottery tickets, saying that today is the second lottery, and it will be too late if he doesn't buy them. Hey, did you buy it?

Soapy: Yes, yes, 30 yuan. What about you?

Policeman: Only 30. /kloc-bought it on 0/00, but it was 5 million in No.1 middle school!

(Soapy sighs with the police): The situation is reversed. When will you come to my house?

(backstage, director): If you two go to the theatre again, there will be no food, and there will be 5 million! Hey, audience, buy me a 50-dollar bill quickly!

(Everyone agrees): Cut!

Policeman: It's me again, it's me again, Soapy. Where were we?

Soapy: Who are you?

Policeman: Yes, in fact, my real identity is genuine, with excellent quality, such as the fake F fart I call the ever-changing star king! (loud noise) It was a close call. Good thing it didn't hit me. Buy meritorious service, buy meritorious service (not in Taiwanese)

Soapy (startled, dodging, actually afraid of being struck by lightning): F fart me? How is that possible? Are you a legendary crow in the sky, a turtle in the sea, and a unique fart fairy between heaven and earth? When Soapy talks, the police let the crow fly and the tortoise swim. )

Policeman (gasping and pretending to be modest): It's not that bad. It's embarrassing! He's such a wriggle that everyone wants to "kick his ass". ) forget it, I won't joke with you. Follow me!

Soapy: I didn't do anything?

Policeman: Actually, I've been following you all day. You have the right to remain silent, but anything you say will be used against you in court. You have the right to a lawyer, but if you can't afford one, we will assign one for you free of charge. Bi Bo, Bi Bo, Bi Bo (with Sobi)

Narrator: A few days later, Soapy was sentenced to prison. Blackwell Island, three months.

(At the end of the play)