Prose with fast ebb tide
Time is like a hermit, silent. Unconsciously, I have been online for more than a year. Internet addiction, staying out for a long time, when these words once seemed incredible to me, so truly realized in me, I seem to understand why some people call Internet addiction Internet poison. For those who are addicted to the internet too deeply, that kind of illusory and wandering psychedelic is really no less than taking a dose of poison, which makes people unable to extricate themselves. I seem to understand that all my friends who love the internet as much as I do are in a daze day and night, and I don't know what year it is. Muddle along, no matter how sad his confusion is.
No experience, no right to speak. It's really hard to imagine recalling this more than a year, and I dare not recall how it came about. It seems that everything that has nothing to do with the internet has nothing to do with me. All hobbies that have nothing to do with the internet are out of my life. I shut out all activities that have nothing to do with the internet. Open your eyes every morning, the first time is to turn on the computer power, then wash in a hurry and start a day of online roaming. I am not in the mood to cook when my son is not at home. A cup of coffee and a few biscuits can make a meal. A cucumber and a few snacks can also make a meal. On Friday, my son came back and left on Monday morning. I don't remember how many times my son opened the door and came in. I didn't know today was Friday. Generally speaking, this is my big shopping day. I always buy vegetables, necessities, snacks and fruits for three days, and put a lot of them at the entrance guard of the community. Because I am a frequent visitor to the small supermarket across the street, three handsome guys in the supermarket will help me take my things home. I still have their phone numbers. From Monday to Thursday, I am a typical house girl and don't want to go downstairs. One phone call and they will send me what I need urgently. Even the small boss of the mobile phone payment shop across the street has become my friend. I'll pay as soon as I make a phone call, and then I'll pay on Friday. Hehe, I want to be funny. This good thing may be a bad thing. These conveniences have aggravated my house addiction and deepened my internet addiction.
It's late at night, and I don't want to sleep, because at this time, everything is gradually quiet, and my inner noise is also quiet at this moment. Often inspiration comes at this time. This time is the time to concentrate on reading and writing. It may stay up all night while writing. I remember when I first started surfing the Internet, although the written words were immature, they were so sincere and touching because of the peace of mind and the simplicity of feelings. Gradually, my space is getting hotter and hotter, and I am gradually lost in this dazzling aura, impetuous and involuntarily. The requirement for writing is also to strive for perfection (especially on the basis of one's own culture), but I feel that Jiang Lang is exhausted and writing is becoming more and more difficult. So I worked harder and did not hesitate to overdraw my energy and physical strength. It is conceivable that behind closed doors, the more you write, the more dissatisfied you are. Because of my brain and staying up late, the number of times I drink coffee has increased from the previous two cups to six or seven cups a day. What's more frightening is that my addiction to cigarettes is growing. Although the hand holding a cigarette has been shaking, I am afraid of getting sick, but I still can't help but want to smoke one. Due to devotion and addiction, I am almost divorced from reality, full of confusion and anxiety about reality. Mild depression makes me unable to extricate myself. Due to severe insomnia and gastrointestinal dysfunction, I was once mildly anorexic and vomited after meals. I obviously feel that my spirit is getting weaker and weaker. In this vicious circle, I feel more and more uneasy, depressed and depressed, and even lose the courage to fight the disease, let alone step into reality.
Until that day, because of some very special reasons, I became extremely weak in the mental pressure and fatigue, and I was more confused in the online world, forgetting everything outside the network! It was Saturday, and my son didn't come back for dinner because of something on Friday. On Saturday morning, he made an appointment with his classmates for another day. My ex-husband came to see my son in the evening, and I wrote something online. Knowing that my son was away, he began to help me clean up the house, which was a mess. I was just inspired when I heard my ex-husband screaming in the kitchen and saying, what's wrong with the pot? I turned my head to answer him, ah, it was the sour plum soup that was cooked in the pot yesterday. It doesn't work anymore, and he didn't speak. Since surfing the internet, this is the first pot cooked, and he has long been used to it. Before typing a few words, I heard him shout, how are the ribs and meat broken! At this moment, I jumped up and ran to the kitchen. I forgot to put the meat and vegetables I bought yesterday in the refrigerator and left them in the kitchen! God, am I really forgetful or confused? How could you not notice at all? I picked up those ribs and meat in distress and sniffed deeply with my nose. Oh, dear! It really stinks! I am so distressed, but I spent dozens of dollars to buy this! I am like a child who has done something wrong, and I am at a loss with that bag of things. The ex-husband grabbed it and threw it into the trash can without saying anything. He tidied up the room silently with a helpless and complicated expression. At that moment, I hope he scolds me or gets angry. Maybe I would feel better that way, but he didn't. Watching him do his best to clean up the housework, I suddenly want to cry. At this moment, it suddenly occurred to me that I haven't eaten a decent meal or slept in these two days. Is this how I fight disease?
In the evening, I lay in bed early and thought a lot about reality for the first time ... I think my life has been a mess since I got online, and my health has gone from bad to worse ... I think of my son, and I seldom communicate with him except taking care of his life. My child's reticence and internet addiction are directly related to me ... I think of my mother, who is so old and often has a sick daughter in her heart. These should be made for my mother ... I think of my sister and hate iron. Once I was angry, I told my mother to let her die online, as long as she wanted to ... think of paying too much attention to the internet and often crying for some intentional or unintentional injuries ... I think of my online friends, and every time I help them, I feel sad and pray. Is this the value I want regardless of my life? A person who is sorry for himself is not worthy of others! A person who doesn't even love himself, let alone others! A person who has no control and perseverance is not strong!
That night, I couldn't sleep all night and deeply repented. That night, I became a Buddha with an epiphany, as if my eyes were wide open. Suddenly, I found that I didn't know when I could jump out of the world of mortals, dig deep into my hidden impetuousness and vanity as a bystander, and observe the instinct or essence of human nature. Many things, if you don't experience them, how can you understand that it is not easy to be a man? A pain woke the dreamer, and some pain, whether external or internal, was a rare experience. Not everyone can experience it. You will grow faster than others. Shouldn't we be grateful to all the people or things that make us realize this? ! I often say "thank you", but my understanding is not as profound as this. I know exactly why I can be really cold. When a person gives up one thing completely, there will be no hope in his heart. You will only suddenly calm down, be grateful for what you have and think deeply about all your mistakes. And when you really face everything bravely, your heart will calm down. This process is called perception. At this point, I finally understand the deeper meaning of the word "thank you for suffering".
I watched the TV series "Please Forgive me" at dinner the day before yesterday, and was deeply moved by a paragraph said by someone inside. He said that he never believed in fortune telling, because upset people believed in fate, and fortune tellers talked nonsense. Because the heart is too chaotic, there are many corresponding things, so I feel energetic. For dedicated people, it is useless. I think I may just belong to the latter. I am an extremely serious and dedicated person. I have no extra money, no matter my career or the Internet. It is because of simple persistence that I have achieved more growth and achievements than others. But also because of this, I realized the sadness and helplessness of being uncontested, and even lost my peaceful and indifferent mentality for the so-called perfection and image, and paid such a painful price. I know that fate is actually in my own hands. We can change our mood with the change of fate, find the most suitable lifestyle and get the most balanced ideology. Only in this way can you live tenaciously with a good attitude and not despair of life.
Human potential, motivation and perseverance are all forced out. God can't help you, and it's hard for others to change your thoughts and behaviors. Everything depends on your own experience, painful realization and self-help. God only helps those who help themselves, and always encourages you to turn back when you have no choice. It is always when you are at the end of your rope that you can be inspired by survival. It's like feeling helpless when you have no money. I knew I had to work hard to change adversity, so I did it. It's like suddenly getting seriously ill when my career is in full swing. I knew I had to let go to adapt to the gap, so I let go. Just like I was used to my ex-husband's care and care, suddenly he left and found his own happiness. I know I have to accept it before I can face the reality, so I am calm. Just like this cyberspace, I have paid too much effort and sustenance and received too many praises and blessings. I am addicted, lost in this spiritual expansion, and lack the fighting spirit to go to reality. I know that in order to have a bright future and live a meaningful life, I should alienate myself, so I must make a decision.
Time to retire! People are not as good as heaven, flowers are not as good as heaven, and those who know the times are heroes. In life, how many times can it be exciting and thrilling? Yes, that's enough! It is a kind of helplessness and heartache to be frustrated at the most brilliant time of my career. However, it is a kind of courage and wisdom to retreat when the network business is at its most brilliant. Suddenly, I remembered Samuel Hui's song Runaway, so I searched it and listened carefully. I burst into tears when I listened.
Everyone wants fame and fortune.
Unexpectedly, I only yearn for one reason at the moment.
Keep this honor, and don't wait today.
Bravely quit the torrent.
Pursue fame and gain, and often fight more.
Taste the laughter and tears in the circle
People can't help falling behind that peak.
Worried for a long time, exhausted.
Don't expect eternity.
As long as in the past
I feel enough inside today.
When it's time to go, I decided to let go.
Dear bosom friend, thank you for your kindness.
I can't bear to turn my head again.
I hope you remember after breaking up tonight.
Interlocking hearts in old songs
After the enlightenment, I was inseparable from the internet for a day, but I could stay away from the internet for a few days. I am like a frightened bird. I am afraid that a little nostalgia will crush the decision of optical network and block the determination to enter reality. I know that if a person doesn't have the courage to go out, he can find a hundred reasons and a thousand excuses. I stopped giving myself a chance to breathe, so I bravely came out. In view of physical reasons, do you choose an easy and low-paying job to make a living? Or do you choose to give full play to your strengths, continue to struggle and regain your confidence and strength in your work? This question stumped me and made me indecisive.
Dragon Boat Festival, I went home. The gifts for my mother are two magazines that she likes to read, and a set of light and soft cotton pajamas. I want my mother to be comfortable at home. I cried when I entered the door! At that moment, I strongly felt that my mother's arms were so warm. While helping my mother put on her pajamas, I firmly told her that I was indifferent to the internet and decided to walk into reality. My mother finally smiled with relief. ......
To tell the truth, my heart is half longing and half fear. Sister encouraged me to say, "Sister, don't be pessimistic and don't be afraid. Do what you like boldly, but you can't try any harder. Do your best. Health first, it doesn't matter how much money you earn. You have relatives and we may not be able to help you, but as long as your sister has a mouth to eat, she won't be hungry. " At that moment, my eyes were moist again, and I found courage from my relatives.
Dear friends, when I say leave, I mean waving to impetuous people and saying goodbye to the past. I don't leave the Internet, but I just don't love it anymore. Because the internet has given me much more happiness than sadness, and gained much more than lost. Gratitude doesn't happen overnight, but it is slowly proved by action. Crystal ice blue, which was once poisoned too deeply by the internet, has now successfully given up drugs and become an extremely ordinary part-time worker. She really lives in reality and struggles for the ordinary value of life. I think this is what all the online friends who care about me and love me most want to see. In the future, I will regard surfing the Internet as a leisure pastime, and I believe that calm and relaxation will definitely be another feeling. In the future, I will take the love of words as my eternal goal and ask for nothing more. Because words have become a part of my life, as I wrote in No regrets:
I have always believed that my indomitable attitude towards life is a positive and optimistic value. Although the life of a meteor is short, it burns the whole distance. I want to turn my real experiences and feelings into words to encourage myself, and at the same time, I can let more people cherish life, cherish emotions and cherish life. I believe that words that reveal true feelings will always be touching because they are true, simple and natural. I can't be a writer. I can be a writer. Even grass roots should give off the fragrance of earth. For the love of words, for the touch, warmth and sustenance in words, I will keep writing until I can't move and can dictate. I can still read that I can't talk. I can still listen until I can't see. Until I close my eyes ......
Dear friend, Bing Lan has been working in the original company for two days. Yesterday was the first day. My feet were swollen and dizzy, and I fell asleep on the bus home from work. I was too tired because I didn't adapt, so I went home and cried. I feel much better today, because I know I must stick to it and get better and better after the transition period! Although the present material and market conditions can't be compared with before, as long as you persist, work hard and be serious, you will always get something!
Dear friends, Lan Bing's words will be closer to life, more simple and natural, and more full of positive energy. Words are only written to your own heart, to people who understand. Maybe Lan Bing has little time to visit my friends because of his busy work and fatigue, but I will never forget the help and encouragement of my friends. You will always be the most beautiful meeting in my life.
Life is too short for us to waste time. Binglan sincerely implores friends who have been as obsessed with the Internet as I am, learn from me, see hope, bravely return to reality, look at the Internet rationally, shoulder their responsibilities, and stop making relatives and friends feel sad and disappointed. The outside world is wonderful, depending on whether you want to go out or not! Friends, let's cheer together!