My friend is going to have a baby. I wonder if girls and boys can help us think about it. The more, the better.
When telling children popular science books, we never deliberately avoid pollination of plants and mating of animals. Just like other parts, we told her naturally, and even combined animals and plants with people to explain each other, making it easy for her to understand. When she was 4 years old, she had learned how little dolls grew up and were born from the encyclopedia of children's bodies, and saw the combination of sperm and eggs from Discovery. When she grows up, she won't be curious about such things.
I think it is normal for a child to be interested in sex appeal, just as she is interested in something she has never seen or played. Adults don't have to make a fuss Let children know the most natural things easily in the most natural and authentic occasions, just like knowing wheat in the wheat field and apples in the orchard, which will be of great benefit to their healthy growth. I believe that when the child grows up, she will not feel uncomfortable because she wants to wear a bra, nor will she panic because of the first bleeding, because she will remember that "mom is like this." What is there to be afraid of?
● How to talk about sex with children?
Why do many parents find it difficult to talk about sex with their children? This is because many parents feel that their knowledge is limited. Some parents think that the less their children know about sexual problems, the better. They are worried that talking about these problems will lead their children to try sex too early. And many of our parents haven't talked about sex with their parents and don't know how to tell their children. Therefore, as parents, we should learn some knowledge about sex to enrich ourselves and learn some knowledge related to sex education. With sufficient knowledge preparation, you will have confidence when talking to your child about sex. Parents' self-confidence is the key to implementing sex education easily and effectively.
How to talk about sex with children, the following views can be used for parents' reference.
(1) Professor's correct name
Try to teach children the correct names of various parts of the body, such as penis and vulva. This will help you communicate with your child more accurately and conveniently. The correct names of body parts will also help you explain to your child what sexual assault is. Children can also tell you clearly whether there has been sexual assault.
(2) Don't wait to ask questions.
Sometimes parents feel that their children never ask questions. In fact, sometimes you don't have to wait for your child to ask questions before you start talking. Parents can use the events around them or in society to discuss with their children. Explain to your child what you think about some problems, the preventive measures you should take to avoid some problems, and the solutions you should take after the incident.
(3) admit when you don't know.
Sometimes I don't know how to answer children's questions, or I don't know at all. It doesn't matter. Admit to your child that you don't know. A good way is to check the information with your child and find the answer. Through this matter, we can also set an example for children to be honest and solve problems.
What you do is as important as what you say.
Parents should pay attention to the nonverbal information their children get from adults. Such as mutual respect, loyalty, sharing housework, respecting the old and loving the young, helping others, being polite, being serious and responsible for work, being honest and trustworthy, etc. Will be passed on to their children through their parents' behavior.
(5) Respect your children.
Let's discuss three important factors that will affect how your children deal with the sexual problems of teenagers and future adults. These three factors are: self-esteem, privacy and how to make a decision.
Help children build self-esteem.
Self-esteem is a positive self-concept and a kind of respect and love for oneself. Good self-esteem is a very important part of mental health. Praise and support can promote children's self-esteem, while blind criticism is not conducive to children's self-esteem. Parents seem to have a natural ability to help their children build self-esteem. You see, parents gave their children great encouragement when they first tried to talk or learn to walk. Children's self-confidence and self-esteem need parents' encouragement, which lasts until adolescence.
Studies abroad show that teenagers who have strong self-esteem and feel good about themselves and think they deserve respect are less likely to have sexual problems than other teenagers. Teenagers with high self-esteem start having sex later, and don't start until they are more mature. Therefore, we should pay attention to cultivating children's healthy self-esteem, which is also an important part of making him mature.
Respect children's privacy
Children should be instilled with the concept of privacy from the beginning of sex education. When a toddler is told that something belongs to someone else, he will have some initial concepts of rejection. Tell children that genitalia is a private part of people. Without our own permission, others have no right to see or touch this part. Tell children not to touch other people's genitals.
When telling children that adults need privacy, it is very important to give them privacy. This means respecting children's privacy wishes as soon as possible and fully respecting their privacy when they grow up. In other words, when children go to school, don't search their rooms, don't peek at their diaries and letters, and don't spy on them behind their backs. Allow children to have their own ideas and practices.
When discussing some problems with children, we should be careful not to comment too much, so that children can feel that their parents are willing to listen to their own ideas and can have an equal dialogue with their parents. This way, the child is willing to tell you anything. Parents can also clearly tell their children their own values and the criteria for judging right and wrong.
Help children learn how to make decisions.
Cultivating children's decision-making ability and self-judgment ability is also a very important content of sex education. Most decisions about sex made by our children are made in private, that is, they are made without our presence and guidance. As children get older, the situations they encounter and the decisions they make will become more complicated. Parents should teach their children decision-making skills, tell them information, values, self-confidence, how to get the best results, and give them the opportunity to practice decision-making skills as soon as possible. In the process of learning to make decisions, increase your sense of responsibility. It is also important to support children to make decisions and respect their choices.
Before or after puberty, most children will face sexual situations and have to make a decision. He may need to know what a safe date or social activity is and what kind of situation is potentially dangerous to sexual assault. How to make better decisions in some situations depends in part on the skills and confidence they have developed in their early childhood.
● Parents should not shy away from their children's sexual problems.
Sex is an unavoidable problem in life. Nowadays, the increase of precocious puberty in children and juvenile sexual crimes has aroused widespread concern. As parents, how to carry out scientific sex education for children is a subject related to the healthy growth of children's body and mind, and parents must still take it seriously.
Different answers lead to different endings
Liu Lili took his son to a friend's house to play. When my son urinated, my friend quickly took out his daughter Linlin's small plastic bedpan from under the bed, and then the naughty "chicken" drew a thin arc. After a while, Linlin hugged his mother's neck, bit his ear and whispered, "Little brother has a chicken, why don't I?" My friend was taken aback and didn't know how to answer her daughter's question.
Liu Lili is a doctor in a hospital. She looked at her friend, smiled, helped her out and said, "Linlin, because you are a girl!" " ""Aunt, why don't girls raise chickens? " Linlin then asked. My friend seems to have a sad expression on his face. Liu Lili quickly signaled not to stop the child from asking questions and said, "Because boys and girls are different!" Linlin didn't get a clear answer. He opened his watery eyes and his childish face was full of expectation. He asked, "Why are boys and girls different?" "Aunt Linlin's question is unclear!" Liu Lili encouraged her to say, "Linlin should study hard in the future. When she grows up, will you tell her when you find this problem? " Linlin was very happy and said, "I see, I must tell my aunt. "
Same question: My little brother has a "chicken", why don't I? Because parents' answers are different, the results are also very different. A mother replied, "Little brother's chicken is unnecessary. When I have time, I will cut it off with scissors. "
One day, when my parents were working in the fields, my little sister remembered her mother's words and found scissors. When the little brother fell asleep, scissors went down and cut off the little brother's "chicken", and bright red blood immediately gushed out. In the face of her little brother's sad cry, her little sister was shocked. ...
Parents should give their children sex education lessons.
From the age of three or four to primary school, children are particularly curious and want to "break the sand pot to the end" for everything around them.
There are many cuddling, kissing and sex scenes in TV dramas and movies. For curious children, there may be many questions that parents can't answer. For example, "Why does uncle press aunt?" "Where did the children come from?" "What are condoms for?" Wait a minute. The reporter recently interviewed experts from the National Committee for the Care of the Next Generation and the Sexual Health Education Research Center of Capital Normal University. People agree that attention should be paid to the education of children's sexual knowledge at present.
A university in Beijing conducted a random sampling survey of students in four grades. The proportion of students who obtained sexual knowledge from film and television works, internet, books, newspapers and magazines was 8 1%, while the proportion of students who obtained sexual knowledge from their parents was only 0.3%, which was pitifully low. About 30% mothers didn't tell their children what menstruation was like and how to deal with it before their daughters came to menstruation. Many parents have no experience in sex education, and even are "illiterate" about sex knowledge. When children ask questions about sexual knowledge, they always say something ambiguous and specious. Even parents who have sexual knowledge are afraid to have a sexual conversation with their children.
It is not uncommon for children to fall into a misunderstanding because they know nothing about sexual knowledge. A 12-year-old girl is pregnant because she plays "games" with her male classmates; A 1 1 year-old girl ran away from home because she was obsessed with love and gave birth to a child in the toilet.
Sex education should start at an early age.
According to a survey conducted by the Center for Economics and Family Science and at the Beginning of Life magazine, among 2,250 senior high school students in Shanghai, Beijing and Guangzhou, 46% said "I don't know" and "I don't know", which is really worrying.
The book My Body published in Finland recorded such a thing. A little girl asked her father where she came from. Dad replied, "Two butterflies lie together and have a baby." One day, your mother said to me, let's have a baby, too, so that dad's sperm will enter mom's egg cell and you will be born! At that time, you were only the size of a needle tip. Then you grew up in your mother's belly and finally came out. We had a baby. "
There are illustrations between paragraphs of the article, which vividly illustrate the meaning of the text, and there are pictures of sperm impacting egg cells; Fetuses at different developmental stages; Finally, the mother gave birth to a baby with umbilical cord. Words and pictures simply and naturally tell the phenomenon that children sometimes don't understand.
American schools begin sex education from the second grade of primary school. In Japanese primary schools, there is "the origin of life" in the physiology textbook of the second grade. In China, there are few chapters about physiology and health in textbooks, and most of them are intentionally skipped by teachers.
Experts say, first, explain the questions raised by children scientifically, and don't make irresponsible remarks and mislead children. For example, a boy's "chicken" is unnecessary. When I have time to cut it off with scissors, it will lead to tragedy. Second, it's really hard to answer. Look up dictionaries and related books with children, let children read them by themselves, and let children develop the good habit of asking the "teacher" for advice on things they don't understand. Third, face up to the reality and national conditions, and at the same time carry out sexual moral education, both of which can not be neglected.
● Experts believe that the earlier sex education is started, the better.
Recently, reports of underage girls and children have appeared in newspapers. A junior high school girl in Guangdong gave birth to a baby boy, and a girl aged 0/3 in Beijing/KLOC gave birth to a full-term baby. During their nine months of pregnancy, teachers, parents and even themselves didn't notice.
There are more than 300 million teenagers in China, and 20 million people enter sexual maturity every year. In recent years, sexual crimes account for 18%-25%, and they are on the rise.
Parents, as the most influential and intimate adults in their children's growth, are not satisfied with their mastery of sexual knowledge, let alone sex education for their children. How to care about children's sexual health is a topic that parents can't ignore.
"Mom, this is called loving each other."
Ms. Wang's son in kindergarten asked her one day, Mom, why do boys and girls pee differently? Ms. Wang paused and said airily, there are differences between men and women. You will know when you grow up. After a while, my son told her mysteriously, Mom, I found a secret. Boys and girls look different. Why?
A young mother told reporters that one night, her 5-year-old son lifted her underwear, put his coat on her belly and naively asked, Mom, do you know what this is called? It's called love. That's what they do on TV. Mother was frightened, but she was speechless when she wanted to say it. The mother is worried that children aged three to five are now sexually aware, and how to educate their children about sex has become her heart disease.
Professor Gao Dewei, the president of Beijing Sexual Health Education Research Association and the biology department of Capital Normal University, believes that people's sexual awareness begins at the age of two or three. Two or three-year-old children only ask some questions about sex out of pure curiosity, but they don't have adult sexual concepts. Studies have shown that inappropriate sex education in childhood will cause problems such as sexual psychological disorder, sexual distortion and sexual dysfunction in adulthood. Sex education is a kind of lifelong education, which has two important stages: early childhood at the age of two or three and adolescence at the age of twelve or thirteen.
Experts believe that the sooner sex education begins, the better. Children and pupils can let them know about sexual physiology, such as sexual organs and reproductive principles. At this time, the child's own sexual feelings have not yet formed, and parents and teachers will not face the sexual development of mature children. Awkward. With the growth of age, the gradual development of sexual psychology and sexual ethics education can create a healthy mind and personality. It is reported that in relatively open Guangzhou and Shenzhen, sex education has entered kindergartens.
Reveal the mystery of sex to children
Facing the 20 million teenagers who enter sexual maturity every year, sex education in China is seriously lagging behind at present. Most children don't know much about scientific sexual knowledge, and their understanding of sex is fragmentary. Sex education should include sexual physiology, sexual psychology, sexual morality and so on, but the content of sex education in middle schools in China is mainly in physiological anatomy, which is far from meeting the needs of middle school students for sexual knowledge in real life.
So, what kind of sexual knowledge do children want to know most? The Basic Situation of Adolescent Sex Education for Junior Middle School Students in Beijing shows that the sexual knowledge that junior middle school students want to know most is: adolescent sexual physiology knowledge, sexual psychology knowledge, sexual health care knowledge, sexual morality knowledge, sexually transmitted diseases, prevention and contraception knowledge.
A few days ago, Beijing Children's Hospital revealed that children in Beijing have precocious puberty ahead of schedule. The secondary sexual characteristics that originally appeared at the age of 12 have now appeared at the age of 1 1 2, and the early ones are only eight or nine years old. 30% of boys and girls in the fifth and sixth grades of primary school show signs of sexual maturity. Junior one is the peak of sexual maturity for girls, and junior two is the peak of sexual maturity for boys. However, among the junior middle school students surveyed, 40% don't know what menstruation and nocturnal emission are, and most of them don't know that "girls have menstruation and boys have nocturnal emission, so they will have reproductive function". No wonder a teenage girl gave birth to a full-term baby without knowing it.
Sun Yunxiao, secretary general of China Youth Research Association, thinks that we should have sex education before children enter adolescence. The second and third grade of primary school is a very good golden age for educating children about sexual knowledge. At that time, talking about penis, vagina and uterus was just like talking about cups, which was all knowledge for them. Sex is like a piece of tissue paper. If it is punctured, it is nothing. Don't make sex mysterious.
It is reported that foreign countries generally start sex education from young children, while sex education in China has been lagging behind, even in adolescence. Experts believe that, firstly, because of the shackles of China's feudal traditional ideas for thousands of years, "sex" cannot be treated correctly. , talk about "sex? Just avoid it; Second, I don't understand the importance of preschool sex education, and I don't know enough about its importance.
Sex education, parents urgently need to make up lessons.
It is reported that some schools in Hangzhou want to offer sex education classes in grade one this year, but many parents strongly oppose it, which has triggered a big discussion about sex education. Some parents think that children should never know such things when they are young, and some think that such things need not be taught specially, but will naturally be understood when they grow up. What's more, some people think that sex education in senior one is undoubtedly teaching children to pay attention to this kind of thing and learn it badly. Parents regard sex education as a "scourge" and talk about transsexuality. What about sex education for children?
In a survey of 50 people with higher education, 42% people think that "sex" is purely to meet physiological needs, and 42% people think that sexual relations can occur as long as both parties are willing. 62% people have not received formal sex education, and 12% people know nothing about sex. This shows that most of us adults who have become parents or will become parents are quite poor in sexual knowledge and have serious misunderstandings about sex.
It is reported that children get less than 5% sexual knowledge from their parents. This shows that most families are very closed to their children in dealing with sexual problems. Even if some parents decide to communicate with their children, they are not sure how and to what extent. A father said: every time I sit down, I want to talk to my son about sex, but every time I stop talking, will it be counterproductive? Unfortunately, due to the lack of sexual knowledge, our parents can't treat sex education correctly, which leads to children's sloppy "sex", not only being sexually assaulted, but also hurting others with sex, and the sex crime rate is on the rise.
Sex and love education is not a one-time education, but a lifelong education. Family education will play an important role because of the individuality and privacy of sexual problems. Sex education experts say that sex knowledge can be mastered quickly through training and does not need to be taught by professionals in the field of sex science. As long as parents pay attention to mastering this knowledge, they can educate their children.
Parents care about their children's sexual health, which is equivalent to giving their children a lifetime of happiness.
How to do a good job in children's sex education
A clever child will definitely ask his parents when he grows up, where did he come from? What's your answer? I am embarrassed to tell the truth, so I have to make up a story to tell my child that he was born from a stone like the Monkey King, or was taken out of the hospital with gangsters, or seized the opportunity of sex education to tell my child that he was born from his mother's womb. When children ask their parents: Why do boys and girls have different postures when going to the toilet? How should you answer? If you talk too much, you will feel embarrassed, and then you will talk less. Afraid that children don't trust their parents, listen to their parents and absorb the wrong information from outside.
When children watch TV and ask you what rape is and what Viagra is, how do you explain it?
If your answer is to let them go back to school and ask the teacher, I'm afraid you are even more evasive about sexual knowledge.
Note that children usually get most information or false information about sex through friends, TV, brothers and sisters, relatives and their own creative imagination, sometimes based on their parents' reaction to their behavior. When children grow up, it is very important to teach them the correct sexual concept before they absorb or form the wrong knowledge. Therefore, parents should pay attention to their children's questions and don't avoid not answering them. Sex education begins with gender identity.
The gender of human beings was determined as early as the moment of fertilization, but psychologically speaking, the psychological development of gender is from three years old to adulthood. Children around the age of three will clearly know whether they are boys or girls, but they will also be curious to ask why girls wear skirts and long hair as family drinks, while boys wear pants and short hair to play horse riding and fighting games. This is the beginning of children's gender psychological development, which will continue into adulthood. In adolescence, personal gender identity refers to self-confirmation of whether you are a girl or a boy, which is established between eighteen months and three years old. However, this does not mean that children have fully understood the meaning of men and women. During this period, a girl said that she would be a father in the future, or a boy was determined to have children in the future. Therefore, to affirm a person's gender role, we must look at his words and deeds. If a boy says he wants to protect girls instead of bullying them with his fists, it is a positive male gender identity. If a girl likes to wear her mother's skirt and is curious about how to maintain her skin and make up, it is also a positive female gender identity.
In terms of children's gender development, the focus of the three-year-old to twelve-year-old stage can be placed on the physical meaning. From the appearance, they will first notice that men and women have different hairstyles, and then children will find that men and women go to the toilet differently, so children will understand that boys have dicks and girls don't, which means that men and women have different physiological deconstruction. With this difference, they will feel some vague and ambiguous atmosphere. On the one hand, it comes from the embarrassed faces of parents and teachers when they are questioned, on the other hand, it comes from the reports of mass media. At this stage, parents should pay attention to two principles, one is to let children know how to protect their bodies, and the other is to let children have a positive experience and image of all parts of the body. 1. Let children know how to respect and protect their bodies;
Usually, when taking a bath for your child, you can easily tell the child where all parts of the body touch, such as kissing the cheek, but only for relatives. When a third party is present, you can hold hands with others, but under certain circumstances, the genitals must not be touched, even through clothes and gloves. Teaching children to protect their bodies is not limited to girls, but also to boys, because in the current social news, there are more and more little boys who are violated by mentally abnormal elements. In addition, children should be taught how to protect themselves from strangers' interference in life, between going in and out of the house and in a strange environment. 2. Children should have a positive experience and image of all parts of the body;
Perhaps after Adam and Eve were driven out of the Garden of Eden by God, human beings had a primitive sense of guilt about their bodies. This kind of guilt makes people afraid to openly discuss sexual issues, but confesses a lot of wrong information and private sexual behavior. Therefore, parents should establish their own psychology, and their bodies should be respected and affirmed. If parents' reaction to children's exploration of genitals is sadness, scolding or punishment, they may make children think that the happiness gained in this way is wrong. This kind of information may hinder the child's ability to accept and give sexual pleasure, and ultimately interfere with the ability to establish love and intimacy. Admitting sexual desire instead of prohibiting sexual desire can enhance children's self-esteem, establish a positive body image and stimulate children's ability and determination. However, sexual performance must be guided by parents.
Parents should also use the right words. Parents sometimes use simple words (sometimes not even words) to describe sexual structures, such as "shh" or "ass", which makes children feel negative information about sex, because such words seem to imply that compared with other parts of the body, such as nose, ears and knees, sexual organs (such as vulva and testicles) are very different and embarrassing. This will affect the habits and concepts of health preservation, and even the view of the opposite sex in adolescence. People who usually have negative significance to their bodies will also have negative images of the opposite sex, which will lead to adolescent deviant behaviors, such as rape and abuse. Discuss sex with your child in a positive manner.
Parents should take the initiative to propose topics related to reproduction and sex that are suitable for their children's age, interests and understanding. For example, when a relative or friend is pregnant, it is the right time to explain to the child how the baby is stored in the mother's body, and to use the right terms, such as explaining that the baby grows in a woman's uterus and correctly describing that the uterus is a special place, such as a hotbed for babies. A more positive attitude is that the mother told the child that when she was pregnant with him, she had some feelings and expectations, pointing to the child's navel and saying that it was once connected with her mother. This objective and personal way will make children have a correct view and meaning of sex, no longer vague and no longer have too many illusions.
A more important reminder is that parents' own understanding and views on sex must be healthy. If adults are addicted to biased sex videos and immersed in the amazing effect of coercion, how can they teach the next generation a healthy concept of sex? If children's sex education is done well, sexual assault, rape and incest in social news will be minimized. I hope to remind educational institutions to actively do a good job in children's sex education and pay attention to the mental health of the next generation.
References:
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