Lu Yugang’s works

His representative works of emotional novels include:

"Glimmer in the Dark Night"

A War

"Pa", Assi slapped hard The ground fell on my face. The sound of the slap was not loud, but it was as dull as the sound of being slapped on dough. In an instant, Assi’s five neat and slender fingerprints were left on my left cheek. Axi's fingers are like women's fingers. I have kissed these hands that look exactly like women countless times. But this slap almost deleted the three years and six months we were together. This slap almost shattered all the happy days we had together. All this is just because of what I said to Assi just now. I just said to him: "Axi, let's break up!" Before I said this, I had a premonition that I was looking for trouble.

However, I have made up my mind. separate.

That slap fixed me on the chair, and I couldn't turn around for a long time. After Assi hit me, he rushed over to me and apologized repeatedly. While crying, he gently touched the fingerprints on my face: "I'm sorry, Miao! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! I'm sorry, I was wrong!" However, the anger accumulated in my chest made me push him to the ground hard. . I said: "Axi, be like a man, don't be so coward, okay? Isn't it just a breakup!"

Axi's roar suddenly came from the silent and empty room: "I don't-!" ”

I said: “Yes, must!” I was determined.

However, Axi said that he loved me and that he could not live without me. He knelt in front of me like a pug, begging me with tears not to break up with him. He said that his world cannot be without me. He said that without me, he would not be able to find his way home. Tears fell silently from my face. In the end, I compromised once again.

Night is gradually coming. In the dark night, in this lonely city in a foreign land, Axi and I hugged each other tightly, and we cried bitterly! I can't remember how many times this has happened to Assi.

After the storm, we reconciled. However, I don't know how long this situation between us can last? Because there is a kind of heartache in my heart that forces me to leave Assi.

I know that I am the one who has the problem between us.

Two Encounters

This small southern town is not big, but it is called a city after all. People call it Rain City. There is a river in the center of the city. People who come to this city call it Qingyi River. But the local people like to call it Qiangjiang River. Where there is a river, there is a bridge, but the bridge is antique, so it is named Covered Bridge.

The love affair with Assi is in such a city. That year was 2003. summer.

Assi was 35 years old when we met. I'm 18 years old. I said to Axi: "My name is Miao! Miaomiao for short." Axi often teases me about my name: Look at the name you chose, Miaomiao! Why don't you call me "Meow"? Just call him "Cat"? As he spoke, he laughed wildly. It’s still a cute little “cat”!

Yes, I am a kitten. Axi often calls me this way. This man is 17 years older than me.

But Asi said he liked me. He told me that age is not a problem and height is not a problem. He also said that as long as I am willing, the 17-year-old age gap is just a number concept to him. So, we moved in together. Assi said he didn't care about my kitten-like personality. Yes, little kitten, he often calls me tender like this. In that hot summer of 2003, he called me like this for a whole season.

Our real understanding was on the way to Tibet. That summer, I went to Tibet alone to escape the entanglement of a certain man. However, when I entered Ganzi Prefecture and climbed over the Zheduo Mountains at an altitude of 4,300 meters, I suddenly suffered from altitude sickness. First I had shortness of breath, then a splitting headache, vomiting and fainting, and finally, I fell unconscious. At that moment, I thought I would die alone on this foreign mountain.

It goes without saying that it was Axi who saved me. When the people in the car looked at me fainting and were at a loss, Axi stood up decisively. He was among the people who pinched me and pinched me several times. After squeezing my chest to no avail, he resolutely used his thick and soft lips to give me artificial respiration in public...

Later, I learned that we originally lived in the same city. ——Yucheng. He worked as a planner in an advertising company, and I worked as a sales girl in a newly developed real estate. We are all migrant workers who came to this city.

Later, I learned that Axi was actually a divorced man. But I said to Axi: "I love you, who told you to forcefully kiss me on the Sichuan-Tibet line." I said to myself firmly and seriously in my heart: "Axi, I will be your woman in this life. !”

Such a commitment is three years and six months. Today, three years and six months later, our love seems to have come to an end, and the pain between us has begun to spread boundlessly in this city called Rain City.

Three injuries

Another quarrel with Assi happened at midnight. We were lying in our rental house with our backs to each other. Even though it was already midnight, I was still tossing and turning and couldn't fall asleep. I know that Axi is the same as me. He must have his eyes open at this moment. Although he doesn't move at all, I can feel it.

I said: "Axi, let's break up! Let's stop arguing, otherwise we will hurt each other more deeply! This result is not what we wanted at the beginning." Axi did not say a word.

I continued: "Let's get together and break up! I know you love me and you are good to me. But love is one thing, and some things are another!" After a long time, Axi still didn't say anything. I suddenly felt something was wrong, I stretched my hand to his face, and Axi had tears on his face!

My anger was ignited in an instant. What I hate the most is this kind of cowardly man who cries like a little woman at every turn. Although I knew that these tears were because of love, I still cruelly said more vicious words: "You are a coward who only knows how to cry. Do you think you are still a man?"

After that, After a long pause, Axi said coldly: "Breaking up? Give me a reason! If you want to get rid of me like this, there is no way!"

I was completely taken by his sullen attitude. Angry: "You need a reason, right? I'll give it to you! I'm telling you A Xi, in fact, I have never loved you!" I said fiercely: "Never! I am with you just to repay you for saving my life. Well! You don't look at yourself in the mirror, and you don't look at the deep wrinkles on your face. Do you think you are worthy of me? You are just an old cow who wants to eat young grass!" I said more and more crazy! , getting louder and louder: "You saved my life on the plateau, and I slept with you for more than three years. That's enough, Assi, that's enough, I tell you clearly!"

The slap was loud again. When it hit me in the face, the sound echoed lonely in the empty and dark room. It's midnight. It was Axi who hit me for the second time.

After this night, I started to sleep with Assi separately. My cold attitude towards Assi was enough to destroy all the good things we had. However, Axi turned a blind eye to my coldness. He clung to me like a follower all day long. He still greets me, still makes me my favorite crispy pork slices, and still comes to the door of my room every morning and says, I love you, little kitten.

I know that this man will not shed tears until he sees the coffin.

Four Jue Jue

When I brought Hui home, I said to Axi: "This is Hui, my new boyfriend!" The look on Axi's face The smile disappeared instantly.

That night, Hui stayed in my room.

I found out that Assi had left the next morning. When Hui and I got up, he had already left the house and the house was empty. He left me a letter on the dining table in the living room:

My dear Miaomiao:

When you see this letter, I have already left us together The house I have lived in for three years and six months. I think I have never loved any woman as much as I love you. Although I don't know if my love is a kind of love to you. But, yes, I love you deeply.

Although, it seems empty and unrealistic to talk about love or not at this moment. But, I’m still going to tell you a story about me and my ex-wife.

Actually, my ex-wife and I are not divorced. My ex-wife’s name is Meizi, and we met when we were in college. After graduating from college, we held a hasty wedding ceremony despite the objections of our parents and relatives. At that time, we were very poor, but we loved each other so much that we could give our lives for each other. A year after we got married, Meizi became pregnant with our child.

But when disaster strikes, we are all caught off guard.

It was a stormy summer night. Because I was working overtime, I was discussing a product advertising plan with an advertising client. Meizi came to give me an umbrella with a big belly, but as soon as she left the house, Meizi slipped and fell at the door of the house. After that fall, Meizi never stood up again. When I came home at midnight and saw Meizi, her body was already stiff. Blood flowed from her lower body all over the floor. But the umbrella was tightly held in Meizi's hand.

From now on, I swear that I will never marry for the rest of my life, in order to wait for Mei Zi’s loyal love for me!

It wasn’t until 10 years later that I miraculously met you on the Sichuan-Tibet Line. Miaomiao, do you believe in reincarnation? You and Meizi look so similar.

So you ignited my long-frozen emotions. I gave you my heart, I gave you all my love! But, Miaomiao, I realize that there is nothing I can do for you!

It was you who finally abandoned me! However, I still wish you and Hui happiness forever!

Axi

August 2006

When tears penetrated the back of the paper, who heard the tearing sound in my heart!

Five Emerged

Shortly after Axi left me, I was admitted to the hospital. My condition was so severe that I was basically speechless. I told Hui to just come and visit me every day and not waste time on me.

However, it was Axi who appeared in front of my hospital bed the next day. Asi looked at my weak appearance and burst into tears. He held my hand and said to me with hatred and distress: "Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I wanted to say something, However, I realized that I no longer had any strength!

It was Hui who told Axi everything.

After returning from that trip to Tibet, I often found that I always had headaches, chest tightness and vomiting, which was similar to the plateau hypoxia that occurred on Zheduo Mountain. Later, I carried Assi for a CT examination. Once I checked, it was a bolt from the blue. The doctor said that my brain is shrinking at an alarming rate. The specific cause is still a mystery. More importantly, there is no specific treatment plan that can be implemented.

When I found that my condition was getting worse, I decided to drive Axi away. I don't want to drag down the man I love so much. So, I want to drive this man away from me! So we started arguing, and then I hurt him even more cruelly. Eventually, Hui appears and drives him away. In fact, Hui is my cousin, and we agreed to keep this secret for me. In fact, that night was a play that my cousin and I performed. I think it should be considered a kind of love not to let the one you love deeply burden you!

However, Axi said to me: "Kitten, you owe me, you can't leave me. You stole my heart, you took away all my love! You have to pay it back Mine! You can’t leave until you pay me back. If you want to leave, you can leave if you love me!”

The tears flowed deeply into the white pillow. When it slid over my face, I felt it, it was a kind of warm moisture!

"Forgetting is longer than missing"

The white room, the white bedding and sheets, everything white in the room is like the white ground outside the window. Everything in the room is white, which means I am lying on a hospital bed now; the white ground outside is the result of the thick snow accumulated in the past few days. The weather forecast said that this snow was a rare heavy snowfall in this southern city in ten years. Other than that, all I can feel about the outside world is the sound of firecrackers coming and going. Today is New Year's Eve, and I can only lie quietly on the hospital bed because I just had an abortion 3 hours ago.

Warm tears rolled down my ears.

This is the memory that remains in my mind about the winter of 2005. This is the fifth child I aborted for Lin in more than a year!

May 1, 2004, I will never forget that day in my life. That was the day Lin and I met. An ordinary yet special day. What is ordinary is that there is nothing special about such a day to me. I just do what I should do. The special thing is that the day I met Lin happened to be the May Day holiday! In fact, it doesn’t matter whether it’s a big holiday or not, because it doesn’t seem to matter to an unemployed vagrant like me. It has been almost two months since I came to this southern city. My job has been hit by obstacles everywhere and the resumes I have sent out are still missing, and the money I have with me is almost gone!

Actually, when I met Lin, he was poorer than me. The poor had no food to eat, and the poor went to drink the water from the turbid river. When I met him, Lin said he hadn't eaten anything in three days. We bumped into each other at the door of the labor market. Two down-and-out young people came together because of poverty, sympathy for each other, and to warm each other!

In the days that followed, Lin told me that if he had not met me at that time, he could not imagine what his next days would be like. He said: "I once wanted to go begging. "When he said this, Lin's eyes were filled with dazzling tears, and he felt tragic and solemn about having overcome difficulties!

When we started to spend time together with Lin, when we talked about it later, we were both terrified. At that time, we shared a rental house of less than 10 square meters, and we could eat, drink, and have sex in this cramped space. The two of us searched our bodies, and the only thing left was the 100 1-yuan coins I usually saved there. Looking at the 100 coins scattered around on the bed, we looked at each other in silence.

During that period, our frugality almost exceeded our imagination. Fortunately, more than 20 days later, Lin found a job as a newspaper editor. Three days later, I also found a job as a customer representative for a tea import and export company.

The night I found the job, Lin suggested that we should celebrate. We took out the last 4 coins, and Lin bought a bottle of Bian Er (Beijing Erguotou), and the remaining 1 yuan , bought two kilograms of Chinese cabbage. In the evening, Lin drank Bian Er with fried Chinese cabbage. Having never drank before, Lin and I started drinking together, and we chatted while drinking. In fact, Lin's drinking capacity is not very high. When Erliang's Bian Er bottomed out, we were already holding our heads and weeping!

After that night, Lin moved from the floor to my bed. After that night, I became Lin's woman.

That year, I was 21 years old and Lin was 29 years old. We moved in together.

However, who would have thought that Lin was my first man!

I often think that those 100 1-yuan coins are enough to prove our love, and the feelings that have been tortured in the most difficult days should also be the most real touch to life. So in the days that followed, we often couldn't help but ask each other: "You think, how could we survive more than 20 days on 100 coins at that time? Let alone in a southern city where consumption is already very high?" "However, none of us can answer.

Indulgent love, I aborted 5 children for him

As Lin and I have stabilized our jobs, our lives have become more and more prosperous.

From the second month when we each received our salary, we moved into a newly rented apartment and installed pots and pans. In an instant, we were living a life with enough food and clothing. Lin danced and said to me , This is just the first step for us. The next step is to march towards a well-off life, and then we will not be far from communism.

Perhaps because of the increasingly relaxed living environment and the fact that a friend in need is a friend indeed, my feelings for Lin are growing day by day. Although, none of us mentioned a word about marriage. In those days, we would cook when we got home from get off work every day. Whoever came home first would cook, and then we would eat while watching TV. After eating, Lin would play with me on the floor, and then we would bravely and boldly advance toward each other's private parts, and then we would have sex. Sometimes I would do it five or six times a night and never tire of it. Lin has a habit of having sex. He doesn't like to wear condoms. Sometimes I tease him and say, "How can I do it without wearing a helmet? This is not obeying traffic rules! What if I get caught by the police?" Lin said that he shouldn't wear a helmet. Comfortable, it's like wearing socks to wash your feet. He asked me: "Do you think it's comfortable?" and then gave me a sly smile.

Lin’s indulgence towards me soon came true. In the second month, his aunt (who was menstruating) refused to come despite repeated calls. I said to Lin, it’s over, I might have been caught by the police! I went to the hospital for a urine test and it was as expected!

The doctor said to me coldly: "Do you want it or not?" For Lin and me, whether we ask this question or not, the result is the same, and the answer is yes. The doctor said coldly: "Then let's do the medical abortion first, and then the uterine evacuation!"

Lin specially asked for a day off to accompany me during the operation. I kept holding Lin's hand during the entire medical abortion process. Although the pharmacological effects caused me unbearable pain in my lower abdomen and made me sweat dripping from my forehead, I always firmly believed that what I held in my hands was a love worthy of my trust and persistence. I firmly believed that we and Lin would eventually become friends. Positive result! After all, we have gone through such difficult and difficult days together with Lin. When I was cleaning the uterus on the operating table, I repeatedly asked the doctor to let Lin enter the operating room. After my repeated requests, the doctor allowed Lin to enter the operating room. Only I know the real reason why I want Lin to enter the operating room, because I I want to hold Lin's hand, hold it tightly, as if it is the last straw in my life.

When the cold gynecological instrument was inserted into my lower body, I shivered first, and then I felt a tearing pain. I thought that at this moment, the cold instrument was in my uterus, sucking the The only remaining bud of young life.

This is my and Lin’s first child.

The moment Lin picked me up and got off the operating bed, I finally couldn't bear it anymore and burst into tears. I plunged my head deeply into Lin's arms, and my tears flowed wildly. Looking at the small gray-purple flesh pieces scraped from my uterus floating in the water the doctor took away, Lin recalled my nickname for the first time. Lin said: "Lulu, it's okay, you will be fine!" ”

Perhaps, people are like this, the scars are healed and the pain is forgotten. After aborting his first child, Lin once vowed in front of me that we must take preventive measures in the future, otherwise we will be caught by the police again. Look at how hard it will be for you! However, every time we have sex, Lin still doesn't like wearing condoms. He says there is no pleasure at all! Sometimes, he tried to put it on, but as soon as he put it on, he lost interest in doing it, or it ended in a hurry.

As a result, I kept getting pregnant one after another, and sometimes I got pregnant again just over a month after the abortion. Due to repeated pregnancy and pregnancy abortions, my weight dropped a full 18 pounds after half a year, and my health became worse and worse as a result. I don’t know how important sex is in the relationship between men and women; I also don’t know how much impact whether or not wearing a condom has on a man’s sexual pleasure. All I know is that I love Lin. As long as he is willing, as long as he is happy, I am willing to let him indulge in my body.

During the Spring Festival of 2006, I chose to stay in this southern city instead of going back to my hometown. Because I am pregnant again, this is the fifth child Lin has made me pregnant with. On New Year's Eve, I once again ended the life of my fifth child. Lying alone in the hospital bed, thinking about the scene where everyone was gathering together for the New Year dinner at this moment, I pulled up the quilt and covered my face, tears welling up again!

Lin did not accompany me this time. He went back to his hometown of Wuxi to celebrate the New Year!

What I didn’t expect was that my nightmare had just begun. This abortion has become a fatal destruction that I will never regret in my life!

Who gave me the red prescription to heal your wounds

Just after the Spring Festival in 2006, Lin returned to the southern city. But when we first met, he said something like this to me: "Lulu, I thought a lot when I went home this time. I think there are some things I have to tell you, otherwise, my soul will not be at peace!" This is our In more than a year of knowing each other, Lin called me by my nickname for the second time.

I knew something very important was about to happen, because I read persistence and seriousness from Lin’s expression that I had never seen before!

In the evening, when I came home from get off work, Lin had already prepared dinner. Lin only turned on one wall lamp, which made the light in the room much dimmer than usual. When I came back, Lin did not greet me as usual, but sat quietly at the dinner table with a depressed head. When I got closer to Lin, I saw everything on the table clearly.

There was only a plate of stir-fried Chinese cabbage for dinner on the table, and five bottles of Bian Er were placed messily on the table. It could be seen that two bottles had been drunk by Lin and were lying there quietly.

I said to Lin with a playful smile: "Hey, today is a time to remember the bitterness and remember the sweetness! Are you eating so frugally?"

Lin said: "Today is a memorial day! Let's celebrate it together. Those 20 days and all the days we have spent together!"

Lin asked me to sit down and said, "Lulu, no matter what stories and words you hear from me next, I hope you can listen to me quietly. This is my plea to you!" This is the third time Lin has called me by my nickname.

I said: "You tell me!"

Lin unscrewed another bottle of Bian Er, and as soon as he raised his head, he drank half of the bottle.

Lin said: "Actually, I have never loved you, never! In fact, 3 days before I met you, I had just broken up with my ex-girlfriend! We have been in love for seven years. Years! In the end, she took away everything from me, including my physical body and soul. During those days, I wandered around the city like a madman. A gutted corpse. I had nothing. I thought about dying! But it was your innocence and sunshine that gave me the courage to live. Kindness and love make my bleeding wounds slowly heal. However, I don’t love you at all. You are just a panacea for my wounds and I can’t help myself. ."

When I heard this, tears fell silently from my face. It turns out that everything was an illusion. It turns out that everything was just a deception.

It turns out that I am just a prescription to heal others!

I roared at the top of my lungs. You beast, you bastard, you big liar.

I aborted five children for you, and now you say you never loved me!

Yes, he has indeed never said "love me"!

My slap fell on Lin’s face, but what splashed was tears all over Lin’s face!

Lin mentioned that he had already packed his luggage and staggered away at midnight. When the door quietly closed, the pain continued to spread!

But, Lin, do you know how deeply this red prescription for healing hurts me? After I aborted your fifth child, the doctor told me that it was unlikely that I would have another child in the future!

What’s even more frightening is, Lin, I hate you, but I can’t hate you! Because in those turbulent days, you have already become a subtle relative in my heart!