It's a long way to go, Xiu Yuan. Su Xiaolan's works are the most engraved.

Text: Su Xiaolan

1、

When was the last time we sat down to chat?

I think you may have forgotten.

-but I'm not qualified to blame you.

In recent years, we have gone our separate ways. In order to survive, I am busy in different cities and can only meet several times when I occasionally go back to my hometown during the Spring Festival or weekends.

Met, just a few simple and direct words:

"Come back?"

"The skin turned white."

"Can you stay for a few days?"

……

These are greetings at best. Especially in recent years, because of work, I can only stay for about five days at a time. During this period, we need to visit relatives and friends and pay New Year greetings everywhere. As for you, you already have a wife and daughter, and your family and your wife's relatives need you to take turns walking around. Your schedule is tighter than mine.

Even if it's only for half an hour

Can't give it to me.

However, in fact, I should understand that we have already passed the years of youth and ignorance, and those carefree days when we grew up under the care of our parents are gradually drifting away.

Now, many years later, we are concerned about our families and lives. At this time, our mood and living conditions are far apart, and the cruel reality has built a tall and cold stone door between you and me.

-When was it built? I didn't notice the process of building, and suddenly I looked back and saw that it was already standing there.

The tall stone gate is closed-

We lost the key to open it.

I'm afraid I'll never go back to the beginning. 2、

You lived with your grandmother until you went to junior high school.

It was not until you went to junior high school that we moved to a new home, and you moved with us. In fact, it's just the distance between the front yard and the backyard, but it's still a little different from being really around my mother. I don't know if it's because of this, but your relationship with your mother is not deep. I'm not sure. But one thing is certain-if you can choose again, your mother must really want her to bring you up. In the most precious childhood in your life, she didn't want to join, but she was stopped by her grandmother every time.

You must not know that today, this is still the most precious and irreversible time that she thinks she has passed away.

So, since you moved here, all she thinks about all day is how to give you more love.

There is flattery in it.

She bought you several new clothes in succession, and her pocket money is twice as much as mine. I have been putting meat in your bowl while eating. Chunks of meat piled up like mountains. The meat stared at me like eyes. Mom doesn't know what you like to eat, so she has to open her eyes wide and face debts. I saw her secretly pay attention to the direction of your chopsticks and want to further distinguish your preferences.

I admit that I was jealous of you. This kind of jealousy is almost abnormal in the end. When you get angry, you want to get seriously ill, which is life-threatening. No matter what I ask, my parents will try their best to satisfy me.

So, they should pay more attention to me than you?

The schools we went to didn't intersect. When I was in primary school, you were in the city (grandma hoped your study environment would be better). When you were in junior high school, I was still in my rural primary school. You left school after graduating from junior high school, and I'm just preparing to go to senior one. I will start high school when you graduate from high school and go to a technical school.

When we came home from school, we looked at each other with wide eyes. Even though we were brothers and sisters of our compatriots, you and I didn't know how to love each other at that time.

At least before you left home to go to school in other places, I thought so: you always have the remote control at home, locking the military and sports channels all the year round. Once, when you were unprepared, you secretly switched to another station to see the robot cat. After writing for a few days, you were punched and your arm ached. I went through my dad's pocket secretly, took ten dollars and bought a beautiful hairpin. You turned me in. My mother put me on the bed and hit me. You smiled and winked proudly at me. You won the first place in your class in the exam. I secretly hid your double hundred papers and framed you for cheating your parents. You and your partner joined hands to block the chimney of your neighbor's house and let him come out for air with a black face, but you ran to bed and pretended to be sick. After I reported it, my dad grabbed your ear and apologized to others. ...

At that time, we were far from being brothers and sisters of other families. We fight from morning till night, no one obeys, more like the enemy.

I remember my neighbor had a brother and sister. My brother always calls my sister "Little Sister", and the sound of the word "Little" is slightly elongated, with a coquetry flavor, which is very kind. If I made fun of you, you wouldn't call me that. You curled your lips and said, "disgusting."

You laughed that my feet are bigger than others, and you can also call me "Bigfoot Sister".

……

Work hard all the way until you leave home to study abroad.

Dad didn't have the foresight to insist that you go to college-this is probably the most regrettable thing in his life. At the suggestion of a distant relative, he sent you to a technical school in Renqiu. I went to a key middle school in the city to be a boarder.

Are we doomed to go our separate ways and start a completely different life? 3、

At least in those years when we knew each other. Although we know each other's telephone numbers, nobody calls anyone.

You go home twice a year and I go home once a month, so my mother is more enthusiastic about you.

It's always like this. It's closer to parents and children who have less time to go home. Just like I seldom go home once now, my mother will chase me around chatting, and chopsticks will stay in my bowl almost continuously, with all kinds of dishes that she thinks I will like to eat (sometimes I think my mother is stupid enough, which seems to be the only way for her to express her love).

After dinner, I will go to your room, see your photos with your classmates and listen to your stories about life in a different place. At that time, our life was really pure, with no pressure, no worries about money and no worries about survival. Over and over again is nothing more than campus life. Classmates, friends and love ... are eternal topics.

You proudly showed me a picture of a girl. I remember that she seems to be from Jiangsu. She has short bangs, slightly fat, fair skin and delicate facial features. She is not amazing, but she looks gentle and lovely.

You told me that you used your charm to chase this girl, including you. At the same time, there are three boys chasing her, but only you win in the end. My eyes lit up when I talked about her. You describe her with sweet memories, and your expression is infatuated, with some soft golden light, as if the girl was standing in front of us. You are not talking to me, but telling her your love.

During this period, we had several in-depth talks. About love, about ideals.

I said love is the greatest thing in the world. In the vast sea of people, it has its own destiny. When you meet him, you will know that he is the one you are looking for. Be together if you want to be together at any cost.

You laughed at what I said. You said that I was misled by romance novels and TV series, so I had an unrealistic and perfect fantasy about love. You said that people nowadays are snobbish and realistic, and you said that true love didn't come into being until high school-at that time, we were young and ignorant, regardless of the cost and gain or loss.

Finally, you warned me: "No dating." You said that when you came back to see me this time, I was often in a daze. Compared with my previous ruthlessness, it's like a different person. You said I must be in love.

"It's too early," you sighed, looked at me anxiously and told me, "just play, don't delay your study, don't take it seriously. Boys, there are no good things. "

I am noncommittal. Even if you tell me your love story, I don't want to tell you everything like a secret exchange. If you tell your parents carelessly, I can't stand it.

You didn't keep asking.

Our relationship is much closer. In the rebellious period of my youth, I was at odds with my mother and chose a hunger strike. You secretly ran to my room with food to comfort me, took my hand and found me a step to make up with my mother.

We are chatting in your small room, what we can't tell our parents, what we can't tell our teachers, and what we can't share with our classmates and friends. In your room, we had a good talk. Like a long-lost confidant, hiding in your room all day and not even going out.

You said that I always follow the trend when I wear clothes, and I will chase after my classmates to wear what looks good.

"What does this mean? There is no personality at all. You have to wear a personality and show that you are different. " You took me to buy clothes, chose a remote store, looked at it again and again, and went to the shopping mall in the city center. After a few turns, you have a bottom in your heart, then take me to the store and pick out the clothes for me to try on: "I promise everyone will say it looks good after you put them on." You smiled at me mysteriously. "The most important thing is that others can't buy it if they want to. Go to the crowd and show it to you alone. "

I was inspired by your taste and aesthetics of clothes, right?

Now think about it, it's not just clothes. My views on love, life and principles have all been influenced by you. You said that love is not a boo. Don't have an intersection with a boy because of inexplicable things. You must constantly strive for it through your own efforts and have the courage to seize every opportunity. Don't be like a fool, tell the truth to everyone, keep some reservations appropriately, and say anything in front of anyone. ...

I don't know if you remember that you sent me a postcard when I was in the third grade. On the front is a beautiful female warrior, and on the back, you write with a blue ballpoint pen:

Dear little sister:

I wish you progress in your studies and happiness every day.

brothers

I think we are finally learning how to love each other like real brothers and sisters. 4、

So, when did we start to alienate each other?

I think it started when you got married.

To tell the truth, I don't like your wife-the person I should call her sister-in-law.

Of course, she is not the girl in your room who showed me her photo-you chose to break up with her after graduation. You are a particularly rational person, of course, thanks to your mother's wanton obstruction-all her calls to you, her mother hung up; Mother destroyed all her letters to you.

You knew all this, but you didn't resist.

You know better than your mother. With your present education, you can barely support yourself. You want that kind of long-distance relationship, it's too extravagant.

I still remember that night, I crept into my room and found you sitting at your desk crying. You have a thick notebook in your hand, which contains hundreds of love poems that she copied for you by express delivery a month ago. You made an eternal promise to her-after you left the place where you hugged and cried and made beautiful vows, you turned around, hid in your room and cried quietly.

That was the first time I saw you cry for a girl.

But it is also the last farewell.

In fact, from that moment on, I wanted to hug you from behind. I think we are the same sister, and I understand your sadness, so I think maybe I can give you strength.

But I didn't. I just stood at the door watching and quietly backed out. I think you should want me to have it.

You need someone to vent your sadness and then choose to forget.

Later, under the arrangement of your mother, you started a blind date career. Telecommunication bureau, electric power bureau and hospital-these are the three most promising and best-paid units in my hometown. Dad can't feel guilty because he has arranged a good job, so mom wants you to fall in love with any girl in any of their units-it's not a question of beauty, ugliness, personality or love.

You fought back-but my mother nagged all day, surrounded you with some magic, did nothing, and even became hysterical. You quickly chose to give in. I remember in your small room, you said to me, "I'm going to marry a hospital nurse and have children under my mother's arrangement." Even if she is ugly, even if I don't love her, as long as my mother likes it, as long as she is willing to honor her parents. "

When you said these words, you were lying in bed without looking at me. Your voice was so low that I thought you were asleep. I'm sitting at the desk in your room, and I don't know whether to persuade you or comfort you.

Encourage you to find true love? Advise you to accept the real life in front of you I don't know. There is no answer in my heart. Those ideals and beliefs about love and life suddenly collapsed, and the rolling dust raised covered my eyes.

I am like a passer-by, staying nearby and saying nothing. 5、

After many twists and turns, you finally married her, a middle school math teacher. She is beautiful, but her skin is a little dark yellow, and she looks sick. You like her very much. You got engaged within three months of knowing each other, and decided to get married within half a year. I'm calling to ask you to change the date because I can't go home to attend your wedding because I take the self-taught exam twice a year. As a result, you said that this was an auspicious day chosen by your mother-in-law and could not be changed.

There was no sound when I called, so I thought about it. I didn't expect you to refuse me so easily.

I couldn't attend your wedding after all.

I didn't see her until the Spring Festival. To be honest, I don't like her-I don't even think she is good enough for you. I always thought she was a little petty, but I was relieved to see her busy in the kitchen. I thought you liked her as long as she was diligent and kind to her parents-what can I say?

But it seems that this is not the case. I went home a year later, just resigned and didn't find a new job. I stayed for a long time and learned the truth. Your wife and her mother have a very bad relationship, even to the point of hatred. I noticed this when I saw my mother wiping tears in the room.

My mother called me lazy. She just pretended to help cook when I came home. She does nothing when she comes back from work on weekdays, spends a lot of money and leaves all the housework to you. Even if I come back from working overtime at ten o'clock in the evening, I should go out to buy fruit or wash clothes for her. ...

Mother couldn't stand it, so she negotiated with her. She quarreled with her mother and even ran away from home several times.

Your wife was delivered by caesarean section. The day after your daughter was born, she said she wanted to eat watermelon. At that time, her parents were busy looking for a doctor because your daughter suddenly had a high fever and forgot about it. When she came back, she saw your mother-in-law sitting on the ground crying. Like every bitch, she told every passer-by about her parents' mistakes.

Your mother-in-law, just sitting in the corridor of the hospital, clapped her hands and cried earth-shattering, exhausted the most vicious and mean words in the world, and described to people the story that a diligent daughter-in-law gave birth to a girl, and her parents-in-law didn't even give her food ... This incident was passed down as a "good story" in the local area.

After your wife gave birth to the child, she left the child to her mother and didn't want to care about anything ... The baby cried at night, and her parents couldn't sleep all night.

When I came back, I found, mom, I seem to be ten years older.

……

There must be many similar things.

Mom used almost a whole bag of tissues when she cried. Speaking of sadness, I choked up and couldn't speak.

Of course I know my mother. I am straightforward and enthusiastic. My biggest weakness is that I like to nag. I know that a clever woman can't cook without rice, and my mother is also at fault, but I know that in those years when you were married, she waited on you like an old maid, buying food and cooking, mopping the floor and changing sheets and quilts ... you didn't even sweep the floor, let alone give her a dime.

She doesn't like it very much-it's just that our house is a duplex building, and the upstairs and downstairs are unbearable dirty. There is no way but for her to do it.

Too bad your wife is ungrateful. In her eyes, even if her mother did a lot of things, she would immediately turn her face if she nagged.

To put it bluntly, the hardships are not worth nagging.

I once doubted whether my mother's words were too exaggerated-not that I doubted her, but that your wife's acting skills were so good that she smiled like a flower in front of me, so fresh that she wanted to squeeze out water. She helped her mother wash the dishes, scrambled to wash the dishes and wipe the table, and was busy between the kitchen and the restaurant. In my opinion, she is a good wife and mother.

Until I used your computer to check the information and opened Baidu, I was about to enter a word search, and suddenly a word "How to deal with a vicious mother-in-law" popped up.

This is your virtuous wife, a glorious people's teacher. My mother-in-law worked hard to serve her and swallowed all the grievances for the sake of family harmony ... Instead of ingratitude, she kept thinking about how to treat her mother-in-law like an enemy-treating the mother who raised us with hardships.

These are the rewards she gave her mother. 6、

After realizing that this is a very serious problem, I decided to talk to you.

I thought we could communicate unimpeded as before; I thought that even though time passed and years changed, our brother-sister friendship had been striding forward.

After I said this, you just looked at me blankly for a long time and then said, "You don't know mom. Mom sometimes goes too far. Don't blame your sister-in-law. "

When you say this sentence-I know I was wrong.

Next, tell me about my mother's shortcomings. You said my mother was too nagging and bad for your wife. Naturally, your version is completely different from your mother's. Here, your mother is an evil mother-in-law who regards her daughter-in-law as an enemy. You said that sometimes her mother acted in front of us.

"When we were here, my mother was very gentle with your sister-in-law. When we are away, even your sister-in-law will not be given food. "

-These are your's wives. I'll give you a pillow talk by turning black and white. Of course, her pillow talk didn't stop there, so when you told me this, you even felt a little indignant.

You said a lot, and finally sighed and said, "I'm in a dilemma, too." You don't understand. "

Yes, of course I don't-but I think you should at least understand that no matter what happens, no matter how the years change, no matter how time flies, I will never trust anyone again, and I will never betray my trust in our mother.

"In October, the baby is heavy, and the three students are light." Our mother, she, has done more for you than you think. She never expected you to repay her kindness, but it never occurred to her-you thought she would act in front of you.

She can't even get the least trust from you. If she knows this, she must be very sad inside.

To say the least, even if all the mistakes are mother's fault, you are not qualified to blame her. After all, that's your mother.

I always thought you had a daughter now. When you were suffering from her illness day and night, when your mouth was blistered because she cried all night for no reason, when you kept changing various brands of milk powder while she was still panting and had a high fever ... I don't know if you ever thought about our mother-

When will you understand that in this life, you can't repay it? 7、

I am married, too.

The wedding was held at my husband's house all night, and then I went back to my hometown and held it again. I was in such a hurry that I hardly prepared anything. That is, you and your dad are busy tidying up, informing friends and relatives one by one, ordering hotel food and buying all kinds of miscellaneous things. ...

It snowed heavily that day and the guests didn't come very well. You sweep out a piece of air in front of the hotel and put the long firecrackers into a big heart. After the firecrackers were lit, they splashed on the ground. You were in a hurry, covering your ears and running to the door of the hotel, proudly waving at me.

At the wedding, you and she sat under the stage with your daughter in their arms. She pinched your cigarette and gave it a bad look.

You are timid and small, so you quickly breathed a sigh of relief, then stole a look at me and quickly lowered your eyes.

You really love each other.

I didn't know all my relatives when I made a toast, because I had been away for many years. You took us and whispered to me one by one. I followed you like that, and strange faces flashed before my eyes, but because of you, my heart was extremely stable.

It's like going back a few years.

About our love, about our ideals—

You said that true love came into being before high school-at that time, we were young and ignorant, regardless of the cost and gain or loss.

You said that life needs to be constantly fought for through your own efforts, and you should be brave enough to seize all kinds of opportunities.

You said you would marry someone you didn't like under mom's arrangement. You said that even if she is ugly, even if you don't love her, as long as mom likes it and she is willing to honor her parents.

I pulled your sleeve, feeling a little drunk and stumbling. Vaguely, I suddenly feel that the joys and sorrows of our youth, the joys and sorrows we once squandered, are gone forever.

-the key to the cold stone door, isn't it? We'll never find it again. Copying is exhausted, and the first floor has to be taken back. Bad guy ~ hee hee ~