What are the seven principles for dealing with interpersonal relationships?
Psychologists tell us: If you imagine others as angels, you will not encounter devils.
Marxist philosophy believes that whether it is simple things or complex things, their development will always follow certain objective laws and will not be affected by our personal will, and interpersonal relationships are equally complex as a As a social phenomenon, its existence and development are bound to be "bound" by objective laws, and there are laws to follow. And this law is the basic principle to be followed in dealing with interpersonal relationships.
Equality
People are born free and equal. No one has the right to override others. Therefore, when interacting with others, we must ask ourselves to respect the rights of others. Self-respect and feelings, do not interfere in other people's private lives, and achieve emotional equality, value equality, and status equality. Only by treating the people you associate with as equals as you treat friends, can each other find ways to know and understand each other, and can you truly understand others. If you think that you are superior to others, it will be like a person standing on the top of the mountain looking at the people at the bottom of the mountain. You will only be insignificant and contemptuous. In that case, it is impossible for you to be honest with the other person, and naturally there will be no "mutual benefit".
Tolerance
This principle requires us to be broad-minded and not care about the small faults of our friends. Be tolerant of other people's shortcomings, don't be impatient when doing things, and be patient.
In daily life, we often use "never show weakness" to describe a brave person. However, people who do not show weakness at all times can gain temporary benefits, but sometimes it is difficult to become the ultimate winner.
On the other hand, there are some people who tolerate everything, do not show off, do not take precedence, have a peaceful and tolerant mind, can put aside selfish distractions, are not disturbed by outsiders, and persevere in doing things. Even if they encounter a blow, they will not lose all hope. Because they have a peaceful mind, they can deal with it calmly. This kind of person doesn't run fast, but he can persevere to the finish line.
Those who show strength are not necessarily strong, and those who show weakness are not necessarily weak. Everyone can demonstrate, but few people can do it to show weakness. It can better show a person's intelligence and courage. Showing weakness does not mean that you are a weak person, nor does it mean that you bow your head and give in. Be less arrogant, be more proud, and always keep a low profile for yourself. This is the behavior of a gentleman.
Being tolerant to others does not mean just saying what others say. You must also adhere to your own principles of right and wrong, and you must never be tolerant or give in in the face of major right and wrong. In other words, what we call tolerance is to organically combine principle and flexibility, and to better achieve our ambitious goals.
The principle of tolerance also requires us to have a spirit of humility, to be reasonable and to let others know; to be clear about big things and confused about small things, be strict with ourselves, and be lenient towards others.
Choose the good
The meaning of this principle is that when we establish and develop our own interpersonal network, we cannot act blindly without purpose, but should be targeted and selective, that is, "Choose the good ones and follow them; choose the bad ones and abandon them." "Two evils are of mutual power, choose the lighter one; two benefits are of mutual power, choose the greater one."
Psychologists tell us: If you imagine others as angels, you will not encounter devils.
Psychologists once conducted an ingenious experiment: the experimenters asked two groups of participants to call the same woman, and told the first group that the other party was a cold, dull, boring, and boring woman. The woman; and for the second group, the other party is a passionate, lively, cheerful and interesting woman.
It was found that the second group had a very good conversation with the lady, and the call time was significantly longer than that of the first group, while the first group found it difficult to have a smooth conversation with the lady. Why is this? The reason is simple: they accept different cues. If you imagine others as devils, of course you will encounter devils; if you imagine others as angels, you will not encounter devils.
The good and benefit we involve here refer to legitimate and legitimate interests, or people or interpersonal relationships that are beneficial to society, others, and ourselves. When we establish and develop interpersonal networks for our own benefit, the first thing we must consider is the mutual needs between ourselves and the people we interact with. Whether it is malicious and at the expense of harming the rights and interests of others. If compared with our own income, society and others If the profit loss is much greater, you must consider giving up.
Understanding
On the street in winter, there was a blind beggar begging for money. A sign hung around his neck that read "Blind since childhood."
When he begged a poet, the poet said that he was also very poor, so he should give him something else, so he rewrote a sentence on the beggar's sign. From then on, the beggar suddenly received sympathy and charity from many people.
Later, the beggar met the poet again and asked strangely: "What on earth did you write for me?"
The poet smiled and read out the sign. The sentence written: "Spring is coming soon, but I can't see it."
Use wisdom to decorate your shortcomings, and you will get advantages. Do you want to get help from others? Then you must first gain their understanding and sympathy for you and touch their hearts.
We always say long live understanding. Because understanding allows both parties to put themselves in the other person's shoes and think about issues. If you see clearly the other person's difficulties, you will understand why the other person does something you didn't expect.
Only when people understand each other can there be spiritual dialogue between people, and sympathy, concern and friendship can arise between people.
“The most important thing for people to know each other is to know each other; the most important thing for people to know each other is to know their hearts.” Therefore, everyone in the relationship network should try hard to understand the ideals, personalities, ways of thinking, behavioral habits, etc. of the people around them, and then further understand each other's rights and obligations. As long as we are considerate and tolerant of each other, and do not compare or find fault with each other, then no matter in daily interactions or conflicts between the two parties, we can properly handle the problem, and this will even inspire a deeper friendship.
Adjustment and balance
This principle means that we should pay attention to the coordination and balance of various interpersonal relationships so that they can work independently without conflict or interference with each other. Because our personal energy and time are limited, no one can spend all their energy on coordinating interpersonal relationships. The fundamental purpose of establishing and developing interpersonal relationships is to satisfy one's own needs rather than create trouble for oneself. , troubles, so interpersonal relationships can neither be too much nor insufficient. If you are entangled in interpersonal relationships, you will have to focus too much on communication, which will affect your ability to perform your job responsibilities; if not, you will be isolated and helpless at critical moments, or have information occlusion, thus reducing your ability to Opportunities to develop your abilities. Therefore, when we deal with interpersonal relationships, we must always coordinate and balance the relationship between personal needs and our own time and energy.
At the end of the 20th century, a forest fire broke out in a state in the United States, causing damage to tens of thousands of acres of forest. Afterwards, it was discovered that the culprit was the dead branches and leaves in the forest. Therefore, the state government cleared the dry trees and grass blades in the forest to eliminate hidden dangers.
In the following two years, no major fires occurred. But a pest, caused by the spruce leafroller moth, broke out over a large area. Experts from the U.S. Department of Agriculture investigated the phenomenon. It turns out that the main cause of insect pests is that humans ignorantly clear away dead trees and grass blades in the forest.
Biologists have found through research that the number of pests in the forest is inversely proportional to the number of birds and ants there. After many trees die, hollows will be formed over time, allowing birds and ants to enjoy the fruits and settle down. And their presence effectively curbs the reproduction of pests. When people remove dead wood to prevent fires, they also destroy the homes of these birds and ants.
What exists is reasonable. Nature always uses an invisible hand to skillfully regulate and balance the relationship between various creatures. What humans should do is respect the laws and regulations of nature and live in peace with nature. In life, people should also live in peace with each other and coordinate all aspects of relationships.
Positive
The positive principle means that in interpersonal communication activities, our attitude must be enthusiastic and our behavior must be proactive. Be enthusiastic towards old friends and be proactive towards new friends, especially don’t judge people by their appearance. As the saying goes, "People cannot be judged by their appearance, and sea water cannot be measured by its measure." If you wear colored glasses to treat others, it will arouse people's disgust and think that you have no connotation. No one likes to deal with superficial and ignorant people. However, a properly enthusiastic attitude and positive behavior can not only enhance mutual friendship, but also resolve unnecessary misunderstandings and close their relationship.
A hunter had been lost in the mountains for several days, exhausted, hungry and cold, and came across a small wooden cabin. He had long heard that the owner of the house was an eccentric hermit who was hostile to any intruders. But due to hunger, the hunter still walked into the forbidden area.
At this time, the hunter has the following options: First, use a gun to force the hermit to submit and rob him of food; second, compete with the hermit, and whoever kills him will be a tragedy.
However, the hunter took a smarter approach: he knocked on the door gently, and when the hermit opened the door, the hunter said hello first and took the initiative to hand the butt of his gun to the hermit. The hermit was very surprised, but put the gun away.
"Can I trade my gun with you for some food? Because I'm really hungry." Because the weapon is in his hand, the hermit feels safe, and the hunter's respect for him also makes the hermit feel safe. He was very happy.
"Come in!" He invited the hunter in and cooked for him. After the meal, the hermit returned the gun to the hunter and guided him out of the forest.
Being proactive is not only reflected in behavior and attitude, but also in speech. There is a saying that "Passion is like fire, it can heat up stones." Enthusiasm, compared with other compulsive violence and coldness, is easier to enter the hearts of others and easier to change other people's minds. Interpersonal relationships that lack passion are indifferent and will not make any progress in the development of you and the person you are related to.
Moderate A friend said that his relative’s great-aunt had never worn proper shoes in her life and often walked around in huge shoes. If the younger generation asked her, she would say: "Big and small shoes are the same price, why not buy the big ones?"
Some people who have heard this story will always burst out laughing. In fact, we will see many such people in life. A writer without any ideas writes heavy and bitter works; a painter without any content paints huge paintings; a businessman who is often away from home has a very huge home.
Many people continue to pursue greatness, but in fact they are just driven by inner greed, just like buying extra-large shoes and forgetting about their feet.
Enough is enough, and too much is never enough. Therefore, all our behaviors in interpersonal interactions should be moderate, appropriate, and consistent with our identity and status, that is, just right. This is the most important principle in interpersonal communication.
The principle of moderation also requires that when we use interpersonal relationships to do things for ourselves, we cannot force them, not frequently, not use friends as tools, and not let them do things for us every now and then. Because the other party may have to rely on his or her own connections to help you do things, or may spend a lot of time and energy. If you always ask him, it will waste his precious time and bring him trouble. Therefore, when we use guanxi, we should also pay attention to moderation.
Seven Interpersonal Skills for Success The seven principles and seven techniques we introduce here. It is a panacea that can help you improve your ability to establish, use, and maintain interpersonal relationships.
In fact, in addition to abiding by the seven principles of dealing with interpersonal relationships, we also need to master the skills of communicating with others. Similarly, we have also summarized seven techniques for promoting interpersonal relationships, hoping to be helpful to you. Because skills are a shortcut for us to make the most suitable friends and establish good interpersonal relationships in the shortest time.
Pay attention to your image
A person's clothing and appearance are an important factor in highlighting his image. If the image is not good, it will definitely lower his taste in the mind of the other party, and even the other party will disdain to be with you. There is no need to interact with people, let alone develop relationships. Therefore, we should pay attention to our own image in daily life. Why handsome men and beautiful women are the center of attention wherever they go is because they have a good image. Although not all of us have their naturally good faces, we can package ourselves with neat and decent clothes. And a good personal image can often increase your chances of getting opportunities.
Praise others appropriately
Miss Zhang and Miss Wang, who are in the same company, have never been on good terms. One day, Ms. Zhang couldn't bear it and said to another colleague, Mr. Li: "Go tell Ms. Wang that I really can't stand her and ask her to change her bad temper, otherwise no one will care about her."
Mr. Li said: "Okay! I will handle this matter." When Miss Zhang met Miss Wang in the future, Miss Wang was indeed kind and polite. Compared with before, she was completely different. Miss Zhang expressed her gratitude to Mr. Li and asked curiously: "How did you say that it has such a miraculous effect?"
Mr. Li smiled and said: "I told Miss Wang that many people praised it. You, especially Ms. Zhang, say you are gentle and kind, have a good temper, and are more popular! That's all."
It is more effective to treat people you don't like in another way. Giving sincere praise to others reflects respect, expectations and trust in others, and helps to enhance mutual understanding and friendship, and to win others' favor towards you. It is a good way to coordinate interpersonal relationships.
It is human nature to be willing to receive praise and listen to good words. So everyone is willing to listen to good things. In fact, many people have been promoted by saying good things about their leaders, and they have gained popularity by saying good things about their colleagues. Even for people they have just met, a word of praise from the heart can have unexpected effects. . Sometimes, kind words can resolve a crisis. Although we cannot be stingy with our words of praise, we cannot say good things just for the sake of saying good things, otherwise we will go too far and have the opposite effect.
Learn humor
A couple wearing glasses angrily greeted the waiter in a restaurant. The man pointed at a fly floating in the soup and criticized the problem coldly. : "Excuse me, what is this thing doing in my soup?"
The waiter complained secretly at first, then had an idea and replied respectfully: "Sir, I'm sorry, it seems to be swimming."
“Don’t it know that swimming is strictly prohibited here?” the man asked with a sense of humor.
"I'm sorry. It's because of our lax management that we allowed this guy to act recklessly. I'll give you a new bowl of soup, okay?"
The couple was waited on His humor made him laugh, and he took the initiative to adopt an understanding attitude.
To achieve the same goal, humor seems closer and friendlier. Humor is a kind of intelligent eloquence, using a humorous attitude and method to deal with things.
Humor is a science, an art, and the highest state of human wisdom. A person who speaks humorously and interestingly is often more popular than those who are dull and dull. Although this is ridiculed by those who do not understand humor as sensationalism, it is undeniable that their humor brings joy to everyone and also attracts people. Close the distance between each other.
Not everyone has humor, but if you don’t have this talent, you should cultivate and strengthen it through daily accumulation and extensive cultivation of interests and hobbies. Only if you have this ability can you find topics of common interest to each other as soon as possible when dealing with various types of people, and can you get closer to each other in the shortest possible time.
Open the door of your heart
A solid big lock was hung on the iron door. Even after a lot of effort, an iron rod could not pry it open. When the key came, its thin body got into the keyhole, and with just a slight turn, the big lock opened with a "snap".
The iron rod asked strangely: "Why can't I open it with so much effort, but you opened it easily?"
The key said: "Because I know his heart best. ”
Everyone’s heart is like a locked door, no matter how thick the iron rod is, you can’t pry it open. Only care can turn oneself into a delicate key, enter the hearts of others and understand others.
Successful communication requires understanding other people's minds. Because everyone has a heart lock in their heart that cannot be opened by any external force. As long as you open your own heart, show your sincerity, let others easily enter your heart and become your friends, you can also easily open the other person's heart.
Only by exchanging hearts for hearts can you make true friends.
However, some people believe that people’s hearts are unpredictable and that people’s hearts are separated from each other. Therefore, in order to avoid being hurt, when interacting with others, you should “only speak a few words when meeting people, and don’t give up all your thoughts.”
Is it really possible to protect yourself in this way? Not necessarily! Because the most valuable thing about knowing each other is understanding. If we are always evasive and secretive when dealing with people, how can we close the distance between each other and make the other person like you? How can we make the other person feel that you sincerely want to make him a friend? The most enviable friendship is that of irreversibility. pay. In fact, if you want to have this kind of friendship, you must be someone who is not afraid of getting hurt, because "if you can't let go of your children, you can't trap the wolf"! Only by handing over your own heart can you receive the other person's sincerity. If everyone has this idea and communicates openly and honestly, then they won't get hurt and will be able to make good friends.
Tolerating different viewpoints
Adhering to one’s own viewpoints does not necessarily require suppressing the other person’s viewpoints. The ability to seek common ground while reserving differences is the basis for establishing a cooperative relationship.
Because of our different ways of thinking, different standpoints, and different perspectives on the same matter, we may have completely opposite views and draw completely different conclusions. For example, you have made a plan and you think it is very good, but some people think that your plan has many shortcomings and needs improvement. If you bite the bullet and are stubborn at this time, then in the eyes of the other party, you will be an incorrigible old stubborn person who knows his mistakes but does not know how to repent, which will not do any good to your relationship.
However, if you think about it in another way and think about it from the other person's perspective, you may come to another better conclusion. Therefore, we advocate: adhere to but not stick to principles. Have a point of view, but not be stubborn. You can give in appropriately and give the other party and yourself multiple paths and one more step to go. In this way, you can not only achieve common sense, but also win the respect and admiration of the other party.
Be good at controlling your emotions. On weekend afternoon, when Xiao Li came to the office and was about to sit down, the lights went out. Xiao Li jumped up and ran to the boiler room downstairs. The administrator was whistling and adding coal as if nothing had happened. Xiao Wang cursed loudly and continued for six or seven minutes. In the end, he couldn't find any curse words, so he had to slow down.
At this time, the administrator stood up straight, turned his head, and smiled. He said in a tone full of calmness and self-control: "Ah, are you a little excited tonight?"
Obviously, Xiao Li was defeated in this battle. Xiao Li was very frustrated and even hated the administrator so much that he gritted his teeth. But it didn't work. After returning to the office, he reflected on it and felt that the only way was to apologize to the person.
Xiao Li returned to the boiler. It was the administrator's turn to be surprised: "What's the matter with you?"
Xiao Li said: "I'm here to apologize to you. Anyway, I shouldn't have scolded you."
These words obviously worked, and the administrator became embarrassed and said: "No need to apologize to me, I didn't hear what you said just now. Besides, I did this just to vent my personal anger, and I have no ill feelings towards you. ”
Xiao Li was very moved by these words, and the two of them just stood there and talked for more than an hour.
Since then, the two have actually become good friends. Xiao Li also made up his mind from then on that no matter what happened in the future, he would never lose his self-control again.
Once a person loses his self-control, he can easily be defeated by others. You will not be able to control others unless you first control yourself. Self-control is not only a human virtue, it can also help a person achieve great things, because only with excellent self-control can one better adapt to reality.
Zeng Guofan once said: Only those who are good at self-control can control others. However, in daily life and work, we encounter countless difficulties, setbacks, troubles, and misunderstandings, and it is inevitable that we will lose control and vent. However, if your out-of-control emotions affect others, or even affect others' good impressions of you, then it's not worth the gain. If we should pay attention and learn to control our emotions, especially we should not get emotional or lose our temper because of some small interpersonal frictions and conflicts. This will not only affect the work at hand, but also make others have a negative impression of your character and quality. Misunderstanding, thinking that this kind of person is troublesome, thus affecting the coordination and communication between you.
So, we advise those who have a "temper" to learn to be good at controlling their emotions.
Listen and respond
In a remote, closed town, there are only two radio stations: Radio 1 specializes in broadcasting celebrity news, entertainment programs, or hot song rankings Radio 2 has a very high listening rate; Radio 2 is a professional meteorological radio station with only a small group of listeners.
One night, the weather radio issued an emergency warning: a powerful "tornado" would hit the town at midnight, and the radio called on the townspeople to evacuate immediately. This small group of listeners immediately organized themselves. Some went to the mayor, some went to the streets to play gongs and drums, and some called Radio 1 to request that the tornado news be broadcast to save their lives.
The mayor said: "There has never been a tornado in this town. The news about the tornado was a false alarm or fabricated by the weather radio station in order to increase the listening rate." He regarded people who beat gongs and drums as crazy.
Radio One refused to broadcast this "life and death" news on the grounds that they were interviewing celebrities.
As a result, the town was flattened by the tornado, so that no one knew that this land was once a town.
The mayor and the people in the town did not listen and respond to the weather forecast issued by the weather station. As a result, they suffered a disaster and it was too late to regret.
The same is true when interacting with others. If you only care about yourself and do not pay any attention to the words and deeds of others, you will also encounter "Waterloo".
When talking to others, pay attention and listen carefully to the other person's point of view. This is not only the most basic courtesy, but also an important signal to convey to the other person that you respect him. But many people are not like this. They like not to speak when others are right, but they will interrupt when others disagree with them, eager to express their opinions or prove their correctness.
In fact, it doesn’t matter if you speak loudly. Sometimes we talk not to argue about who is right and wrong, but to deepen our understanding or clarify the other person's thoughts. So there is no need to argue with the other party in a hurry. Many times, it is easier to achieve effective communication when we quietly listen to each other's reasons.
In addition, we should also pay attention to giving appropriate feedback to the other party. You cannot give the other party a noncommittal expression after talking for a long time, leaving the other party unable to guess what you are thinking. When others give you a smile, you should smile back; if others do well, don't be stingy with your praise and give them a sincere compliment; even if the other person has shortcomings, you should first look for his strengths before criticizing Its shortcomings. This way the other person won't resent you.
Appropriate feedback can further deepen communication and enhance mutual relationships.
When we do things, we all hope to achieve the best quality as quickly as possible, but this is not something everyone can achieve. Because having such an effect requires wisdom and skill. The seven principles and seven skills we introduce here are the panacea that can help you improve your ability to establish, use, and maintain interpersonal relationships. We hope you will study them carefully in order to receive the results we expect.