Couples are apt to quarrel in hot weather.
Because you don't understand these points.
First, distance can't erase love
"Far away, will he continue to love me? Will I still love him? " The answer is yes.
Come to think of it, we can even fall in love with a star and a binary figure, right? So don't worry too much, as long as we are willing, our love is imaginative. It depends on how much faith and willingness we have to maintain this love connection with each other.
I summed up seven points that I think are the most important, hoping to help couples who are in different places or about to be in different places.
1. Keep growing up and explore new ways to get along.
Even if we have been in love for many years before, if we suddenly become a long-distance relationship, it means that we have entered a new running-in process, and some bumps in the middle are normal.
Secondly, enter a new running-in period.
At this time, we should not doubt our feelings in a hurry, but I need some patience and give each other enough time to explore new ways to get along.
For example. In the process of starting from different places, two people often have different requirements for contact frequency. For example, one party will feel that it is best to report everything and try to return it as soon as possible. The other party will think that it is enough to have a fixed contact time every day. There can be too much controversy about this matter.
At this time, we must first accept that this is a normal phenomenon in the running-in period, and then understand why the other party makes such unreasonable demands through communication.
Case: Boys and girls get along very well when they are together. However, after leaving home, girls' demand for frequent contact has soared, while boys are more resistant to reporting things. They began to quarrel frequently until they broke up. The last two people cherish their previous feelings, so I ask them to be patient and seriously understand why the other party has such a request.
Third, understand each other's real thoughts.
Finally, the boys knew:
My girlfriend keeps sending messages. It turns out that she needs to send a message to confirm our feelings, because her childhood memories can't control her anxiety about separation from close people.
If I don't respond positively, she will only be more anxious. I need to give her more certainty and accompany her to adapt to the process of different places.
The girl learned:
Boyfriends don't like frequent chatting, not because they don't love me. Instead, I feel that frequent contact will remind him that long-distance love is a hard and sad thing, which will cause his anxiety. Affect his mood and work efficiency.
So my boyfriend wants to separate two people's time from one person's work and study time. In this way, he will feel that life is more efficient and controllable. After the two sides are open and honest, girls are more at ease, more stable, and boys are more willing to accommodate.
Later, I discussed with them a set of contact information that both sides felt comfortable and agreed, and then adjusted the plan according to the needs of the two people later.
Fourth, the process of self-exposure
In the process of handling this contradiction, both of them are looking at the problem with flexible and growing thinking.
Having growth thinking is a necessary ability for any long-term relationship.
Because in our life, people and environment are always changing.
We can't expect to live in harmony forever. We should be able to adjust our mentality and get along with each other at any time, adapt to the new environment and challenges, and not be lazy.
Increase self-exposure
That is to share their information with each other. Really good intimacy often develops in the process of self-exposure.
Self-exposure is divided into three layers: the shallowest, such as 8 regular lives. A very important function of love is companionship. For example, cooking together, shopping together, holding hands together, these daily lives build the most real connection between two people.
Verb (abbreviation of verb) self-exposure of ideas
We can't hold each other's hands in different places in reality. Then we need to use our imagination. Strive to be the sweetest online cp and enjoy each other's lives through the network cable.
For example, the weather is fine today. I took a photo of Zhang Xiaohua in the park and sent it to him on the way. Play online games with him on weekends, or watch the same movie at the White House.
Because in a different place, we really can't experience each other's daily life together, so it is particularly necessary to share these ordinary but warm and real daily lives and let each other have a sense of participation in their own lives.
The second level of self-exposure is the attitude and viewpoint towards things.
For example, two people discuss their views on a hot event together. Or * * * watch a movie together, read a book and discuss your views on the role.
Behind these discussions is our value judgment of things. We can use these methods to follow up the growth and changes of each other's inner world and values. Let each other stay in each other's spiritual world.
Sixth, deep self-sharing
The third level of self-exposure will involve our interpersonal relationship and self-concept.
It is a relatively private sharing, such as the relationship between yourself and friends, the contradiction between mom and dad, or revealing your inferiority, grievances and helplessness. These are very fragile emotions. Sharing vulnerability means trust.
Of course. We should also be careful not to force each other to speak when they don't want to share. You can take the initiative to talk about your feelings and concerns first.
People's mood is unstable. Generally speaking, when we are willing to open our hearts to each other first, they will also be infected by you. To love you. In this process, I let go of myself little by little.
3. Focus on quality rather than time
It is a big misunderstanding that time is in place and feelings are good. Some psychological studies have found that the relationship honed over time will not improve satisfaction, intimacy and trust.
07. Plan the communication time.
The quality of each time we get along is far more important than the length of time we spend together.
Especially in long-distance relationships, there is no physical intimacy to promote feelings. If it is meaningless to keep repeating every time we communicate, it will not bring lasting fun and growth to each other. Love can easily become chicken ribs.
So long-distance relationships need us to use our brains to talk more. Instead of using emotions: don't care too much about how long we talked, but pay attention to how to improve the quality of each communication.
Then how to do it? The first is to plan the communication time.
Long-distance relationships are particularly easy to get out of sync. If your partner is busy, you want to chat with him. Then it is easy for the other person to perfunctory you, or suddenly disappear in the middle of the conversation. What about you? You will feel angry and lost because the other person is not focused enough on you. The other party will also feel annoyed and stressed because they can't handle their studies and work at the same time and accompany you.
This kind of low-quality perfunctory communication, the experience of both sides is very poor, and it is easy to accumulate emotions. We'd better not.
08. Enrich the content of communication.
Even better, according to the schedule of two people, plan the time and working time for two people to get along.
Now that we have planned the time. Then don't keep asking for each other's attention during work hours. In other words, you are free to send messages, but don't ask the other person to call you back in seconds.
Then, when we get along, we must ensure that we give all our attention to each other and don't apply titles half-heartedly. In a word: do it when you should, and love when you should. The line between love and work is not clear, and it is easy to do nothing well. Learn to throw clearly.
Secondly, try to make the content of communication interesting.
For example, we can try to do the same thing with each other, and then use this same thing as a connection point to exchange our experiences, and look forward to the future by the way: after ending the long-distance relationship, these things must be done with you again!
This is a way to close the sense of distance and increase the sense of participation, so that the other party feels that being with you is not only closely related, but also often has new experiences.