I revolved around my daughter and led myself into a dead end.

Author | Xixi Happy Wings Student

After the "Self-Confidence Practical Camp" ended, the busy Mid-Autumn Festival came.

Due to work stress and lack of energy, I couldn't keep up with the class, so I had the idea of ​​dropping out of school.

But I was unwilling to give up, so I suspended the course study and continued to soak in the tutoring group and class group to absorb nutrients. I reviewed the content of the "Anxious Mom Metamorphosis Plan" training camp and thoroughly understood what it was like at that time. The knowledge points that have not been fully understood are particularly rewarding.

Although I haven’t kept up with my studies, I still feel that I have changed a lot. Next, let me write a short story about my growth.

Warmth of the family, healthy growth

I am Xixi, located in Zhuzhou, Hunan. I am a working mother with two children. The Dabao girl is 18 years old and has just entered university. 6 years old, just entered elementary school.

I am a student in the 14th session of the "Anxious Mom Metamorphosis Meter" training camp. Fortunately, I joined the program during the critical period of my two children.

One of them was facing the college entrance examination, and the other was facing the transition from primary school.

First, let’s talk about my native family.

Dad grew up in a single-parent family, and his grandmother remarried when he was more than one year old.

Grandpa has little ability and can’t even cook. He was raised by his grandma and has endured a lot of hardships. He can be regarded as self-reliant.

But my father was very talented and was called a "scholar" by the villagers. Although his family was very poor, he still defeated many suitors around his mother and married the beauty back home.

When I was a child, what I loved most was listening to my mother tell stories about their past.

They had my younger brother and me soon after they got married. My father transformed into a family man. In addition to making money to support the family, he also took on a lot of housework, including washing and cooking, loving my mother, and taking care of us, every detail.

My father is diligent and caring, and my mother is gentle and intelligent. Although the family is not rich and there are occasional quarrels, I still grew up in a relatively warm home.

Dad has a well-known characteristic. The first thing he does when he comes home is sweep the floor, sweeping every corner.

I heard my mother say many times that when I was a child, my mother had so much milk that I couldn’t finish it. However, my father was still worried that I was not nutritious enough, so he bought me malted milk and cod liver oil which were popular at the time. .

I cried and refused to drink, so he forced the drink down, causing my gums to bleed.

You obviously love me very much, why are you so cruel?

After studying the "Emotional Balance" course taught by "Homeschool", I understand my father somewhat:

"I have paid so much and spent money on nutritional supplements, but in the end You don't appreciate it, of course I'm anxious! Drink some, drink well, it's all for your own good!"

After studying "The Inner Law of Character and Destiny", I learned that my father has special characteristics as an owl! A tall person pursues perfection, and I have perfectly inherited this trait of his.

When I was a little girl, I lived a carefree and free life. I bought whatever I liked and spent money without blinking an eye. I was always willful and stubborn in making decisions.

The way my father loves me, although there are flaws, is that he has really pampered me since childhood.

Marriage, child-rearing, twists and turns

When I grew up, I also married love.

When I was twenty, I met my teammate’s husband. In a long-distance relationship, we ignored the objections of our family and got married naked without hesitation. After we got married, we had our eldest daughter. When our eldest daughter was twelve years old, we had our second daughter.

After getting married, I gradually discovered that I was very similar to my father in my bones. After I had a lover and a child, the focus of my life suddenly shifted. I revolved around them every day, and gradually lost myself. .

Before I had children, I was friendly to my teammate, and he enjoyed it very much. I cooked, washed, and washed his feet for him. Everything was centered on him, and there was no conflict between us.

After I gave birth to my child, I put my child first. My teammates were very dissatisfied and often complained: "Where is the you I met back then? Where did you go?"

Me I always say to him: "Why are you jealous with your children?"

Since I started "homeschooling", I realized that I had completely misorganized my family order, so my life has become a mess. Chicken feathers.

Not only do I take care of my family in every detail like my father, but my personality is also becoming more and more like his.

As a mother who started working without training, I always follow parenting books to educate my children. I do what the books say.

When my mother-in-law goes out to visit with the child in her arms, I will worry about her feeding her indiscriminately, and even worry that my mother-in-law’s vulgar words will affect the child.

My children have fixed times for eating and sleeping. If they are disrupted, I will be very anxious and irritable, so there are more and more problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

I worry about everything and have no boundaries. You can imagine the impact on my children.

At the same time, I am willful and stubborn. After realizing that my state will affect the growth of my children, I decided to change my environment.

When Dabao was a child, I made a major decision - quit my job and took her back to my hometown of Hunan, without even discussing it with my teammates working in other places.

After returning to Hunan, I didn’t want to rely on my parents. First, I felt that I owed my parents too much. Second, I wanted to prove to my teammates, relatives and friends that I could live a good life on my own. good.

On the second day after arriving in Hunan, I contacted a primary school and took my children to report.

Within a week, I opened a children's clothing store.

Although Dabao was not very adaptable due to geographical reasons, he quickly integrated into the new environment with my company.

At the end of that year, my teammates also came and lived with me in Hunan.

Although the environment has changed, I have not changed as a person. I am still the person who is prone to anxiety and has a bad temper. I put the children first in the family and put the children first in everything.

The lack of care in a foreign land made his teammates increasingly insecure. The subsequent investment failures made him unable to find the value and direction of his life.

He often denied my original decision. At the same time, I also questioned his ability and undermined his self-confidence.

After studying "homeschooling", I discovered that this was the biggest mistake I made.

The "0-100 Acceptance Method" and the "341 Affirmation Method" are not only used on children, but also on teammates. He also needs the nourishment of love to mature and grow.

Everything is in harmony with the family, and the feng shui of a family has been completely disrupted by me.

Later, because his teammate could not find a sense of value in Hunan, he returned to Guangzhou to continue his family business in order to support his family.

We started living separately in two places, and we both became very busy.

After the arrival of my second child, in order to take care of the two children more conveniently, I started baking in my own home.

At work, my owl qualities have once again come into full play.

Because it is a technical job, I am not satisfied with almost all the workers hired. From simple packaging to cutting the size and shape of the ingredients, they all do not meet my standards and it is difficult for me to get through here.

I can’t wait to do everything myself. Although I am one of the earliest bakeries in the local area, with good business, long-standing store, and good reputation, it has not developed and expanded. The structure of one person is too small. .

During this period, many people came to me for cooperation, but they were all rejected because I knew that I could not do anything with others.

I kept spinning like a top, busy completing orders one after another, completely forgetting that my original intention of choosing baking was to make money while spending time with my children.

My teammates and I have each found the fulfilling feeling at work. Because of the distance, trivial conflicts have disappeared, and our relationship has picked up.

My teammates' attachment to me is growing day by day, but because of my busy schedule, I often cannot reply to his text messages in time.

When video chatting with him, I often put my phone down and work. When he watches me busy, he will sigh and hang up.

He often complained that I didn't care about him, and we had cold wars from time to time.

Understand yourself and your emotions

This summer, on the eve of Dabao’s college entrance examination, I participated in the "Anxiety Mom Metamorphosis Plan" training camp through sharing from friends in the parenting group.

Through studying, I suddenly realized that the root cause of all problems was myself. Not only did I make a mistake in my family arrangement, but I also often hit my teammates when getting along with them.

What makes me particularly happy is that after I became more and more aware of my owl traits, I accepted myself and let go of the burden of being perfect in everything.

The educational philosophy of Happy Wings deeply attracts me, but the education of both children requires money, and I am conflicted about whether to continue investing in advanced learning.

On the last day of the training camp, I asked myself: "Aside from everything else, is this course what I need? Can it make me gain something?"

Me The answer was yes, and finally took the initiative to sign up for the advanced level.

After systematic study, I feel that my emotions are becoming more and more stable, and I am increasingly able to empathize with others, understand my family’s feelings, affirm their emotions, and let their emotions flow.

I learned to see their motivations and achievements, and also learned how to guide them in a positive way.

It’s been a long time since my teammates complained that I didn’t care enough about him, because I slowly learned to honestly express my thoughts and feelings to him, slowly affirmed what he did well, and occasionally expressed my longing for him. and care.

Even if I don’t reply to his greetings for several days, he will not explode like before if he doesn’t reply for a day. I know that he has found a sense of security.

I didn’t reply in time, but he would remind me to eat on time and express his thoughts to me. All these made me feel his consideration and understanding, and my heart was very warm.

A family with double walls always brings surprises

The process of Dabao’s college entrance examination was a bit tortuous. Fortunately, I learned about the wings of happiness in time.

If I were the original me, I would have been very anxious before such an important exam, and I would have placed great expectations on my child and put pressure on her.

When I was filling out my application form, I researched various schools. I even couldn’t sleep and was busy checking schools. When I saw my daughter playing games there, I realized that I had crossed a line and I should give her the initiative.

According to her words, no matter what school I was admitted to, I would always think: "Is there a better one?" So she just didn't bother.

After giving the choice back to the child, the child chose to focus on the province.

I look at the problem from the perspective of resources and feel that her choice is very good. It does not require geographical adaptation and has many employment resources in the future.

My daughter wants to be closer to home, which further proves that home is a warm place for her.

It’s a good thing that she doesn’t want to escape. I’m happy for her and happy for myself.

Nowadays, children will go home during the holidays. The distance of a bowl of soup makes many classmates and parents studying abroad very envious.

She will tell me everything now. The first thing she did when she got a boyfriend was to tell me and show me.

This Christmas, I prepared three gifts, one for my eldest son, one for my boyfriend, and one for my second son.

Dabao’s heart is more willing to open to me. He will talk to me when he encounters difficulties in school, and he will also tell me about his future plans. We are like friends who talk about everything. .

When I joined Happy Wings, Erbao was at the critical moment of entering first grade.

Erbao is the person with whom I have practiced "family education" the most. With her, I have dug the fewest holes and benefited the most.

She used to be a child who was afraid of going to elementary school. Now, she has become an activist who is afraid of being late.

Erbao is also the only member of the family who knows that I am learning "homeschooling" and often reminds me to be a good mother.

After learning that I became the team leader in the "training camp", she said she wanted to be the squad leader.

Sure enough, the little girl who had no position at the beginning of school successfully fought to become the team leader through hard work, and is now the squad leader.

At first, Erbao had to work hard for two or three hours to do her homework, but now she can finish it in half an hour. During the midterm exam, she even won an excellent performance award. Along the way, she gave me Bring surprises.

I have also changed a lot in my work.

After studying and understanding my owl traits, I accepted my pursuit of perfection, hired a new group of employees, taught more patiently, demonstrated more, and provided on-site guidance if I couldn’t do it well. I will never do it again. I was so sulky that I ended up doing the work for me, and ended up being busier than my employees.

Now I am much more relaxed. I no longer need to work overtime and stay up late. My physical condition has become better. I can spend more time with my children and give myself a vacation from time to time.

I am no longer the workaholic described by my teammates. I am completely different from the "me" who was complacent about being a workaholic before.

Now, I have set another small goal in my mind, and plan to discuss it with my teammates after they return home to try to achieve it next year.

Rebuilding old friendships, learning is endless

During the learning process, whenever there is a problem, I will talk to the study group. With everyone’s empowerment and analysis, I can always solve it in time Return from the emotional brain to the thinking brain to gain the energy to balance emotions and see problems clearly.

I think this is the benefit of traveling together.

The family group I established with my teammates and children was the idea of ​​my partners. This is a good way to effectively bring my teammates and children closer together.

Dabao has always been very resistant to communicating with her father, saying that even if her father provides living expenses, she does not want to contact her. She feels that greeting her father is a sign of humiliation, which shows how bad the parent-child relationship is.

Dad is a percussive education to his children, so after Dabao fell in love, he specifically told me not to tell his father.

In fact, the reason for this situation is that I dug a lot of holes in the middle. Now, it’s up to me to fill the holes.

While I analyzed the root cause with my father, I also let the children see my father’s sincerity. The effect was very obvious. Now, their relationship is much better.

The parent-child group was established to allow them to communicate more emotionally, and now they often chat privately with each other.

During Double Twelve, the father took the initiative to transfer money to his children to buy shopping; at Christmas, the children took the initiative to ask for red envelopes from their father...

The conversation between the two was also very pleasant, and the children sometimes They will also take screenshots to show off in front of me.

There are many more examples of change, such as my relationship with my dad.

After learning about "imprints", I "saw" myself, and also "saw" my father and his "imprints".

I used to think that my father had a bad temper and was too lazy to talk to him. Now I accept myself and my father.

Our relationship is changing subtly. I am no longer impatient with the way he cares, because I understand him better than anyone else.

I rarely have time to write about practice. In the course, the teacher said: "Life is practice. Putting the learned knowledge into the ability to deal with problems is also practice. Just respect your own rhythm. , why not go slower..."

Many people think that "homeschooling" takes two years, can they persist?

Through the study, my feeling is: two years is not enough.

The more I learn, the more I find that I need to improve. Although the course is family education, what I learn more is to understand myself and improve myself. The more I learn, the more I want to learn.

Life goes on, and my story will continue, so come on.

Editor/Huang Huiwen, Doudou

Typesetting/Zhou Xinrong

Picture/Pixabay

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