Exploring the Love in the Deep Memory —— Diary of Military Love and Long-distance Running Military Sister-in-law
(A) those hurried years
Our love sprouted too early, perhaps because of this, it took a long time to breed.
In the third year, he suddenly transferred to our class and grabbed the first place in my steady class as soon as he came. I always tell myself not to fall in love early, although eye contact is not as simple as ordinary students. Five years later, when he was a sophomore, he became a soldier who stuck to the frontier, and I came to the university.
At that time, we were too young Now we want to be childish and ridiculous. We always think that love is so wonderful and lofty, and always believe in fate and fate, which are illusory things. We always stubbornly believe that there is a future between us. A confession in the next semester has made a five-year-old love affair.
On the evening of June 8, 20 10, I confessed to him. The summer after the senior high school entrance examination in 2006, after he confessed, plus a year's understanding, I may have had feelings for four or five years.
Since you parted.
Military love is listening to After Farewell to You. We haven't seen each other for three years for the first time.
It's been more than three years since you left me, and I don't know what it will be like to get together again. Looking through those photos, I found that my two have changed a lot in three years, and I often secretly wonder if I will miss each other when I pass by!
For three years, we seem to live in two worlds. All this used to scare me. We may go further and further, be careful and dare not make any promises. We have had too many disappointments and setbacks, but fortunately, we still stubbornly guard it, although we dare not expect too much happiness.
Letters, text messages and telephone calls carry all the romance, but sweetness and beauty are just my naive imagination. I imagine all the beauty, but I dare not expect it to come true. I am a pessimistic girl at heart. It is enough to think that I can spend the best time in my life with my lover. Perhaps subconsciously, I believe that I don't care about eternity, only care about what I once had, or that eternity is enough in my heart.
The soldier who went to the northeast in June, 2008 +065438+ 10 came back at the end of June, 2012008. I haven't seen him for three years.
(C) Distance illusion
Distance produces not only beauty, but also countless contradictions and problems that cannot be solved in time. I gradually understand that love is just an emotion. What is doubtful is its depth, and what goes wrong is its way. With infinite melancholy, I recorded in my diary:
Girls who grow up under strict discipline are ignorant and innocent. Once they enter a world full of love and joy, they will feel that everything is love. We walk in the light of heaven, which comes from the generation in our hearts, and its light shines on our lovers. We beautify our lover with the flame of our own feelings and give him lofty thoughts. Women's mistakes almost always come from our belief in goodness or truth.
Maybe I don't understand, but sadness and loneliness have replaced the original superstitious persistence.
I met her a long time ago, but it has been longer since we broke up.
20 1 1 He came back from vacation at the end of the year and we met. Meeting for the first time is happy and joyful, of course, but it was a long time before I met her, and it has been even longer since we separated. Meeting means parting, doesn't it? After I leave again, I will miss you, and I will still keep everything in my diary:
Is it because I miss you? Looking around, I can hardly see any footprints or figures in my living space. If I miss you, I'm like a flower growing in mid-air, but I'm always struggling ... every time I survive, it's my tear. Missing may really hurt me!
Missing is also imagination, more imagination, so when we agreed to go to see the source of Heilongjiang and the Arctic Village together, you said that if we were lucky, we would see the Northern Lights, which was enough to expect ~ Expectation is also a kind of beauty, but occasionally, no, many times, I feel too far away, and I lost the beauty of that expectation, which may be not calm enough! Memories often come in and make trouble, which is a lot of sadness. Although there are few living spaces and experiences in recent years, fortunately, after three years of separation, we get together again ... and have memories! People always love to recall those beautiful things, but why are they always sad to recall? Maybe imagining memories is the pain of breathing!
It was a few months after my separation. Because we agreed to work hard, I often went to the library to study, which was something I was too lazy to write at that time.
(5) it is not easy to gather and disperse.
We haven't seen each other for three years, but we get together once a year. Our love records joy and sorrow. Open my diary:
Ten months and ten days apart, when we met again, we were still separated for more than three years last time. We don't have much excitement and impatience, but we feel so familiar and cordial, as if we have never been apart, and so do you!
Because my uncle was beside me, we met without hugging or holding hands. Occasionally, we look at each other and just laugh without saying a word.
I stayed together for five days, a complete five days. I have never met you since 1978. For the first time in two and a half years, I just felt that everything was so beautiful. However, the more beautiful, the more sad. I knew it wouldn't last. I'd rather you hadn't come back before. I can wait forever. The faint thoughts and imagination are better than the parting after a beautiful reunion. I'm afraid of this feeling!
But enjoy it when you are happy. I like to go to karaoke, go shopping and eat roadside snacks together. I like to laugh, and I like to make noise without images. Everything is so beautiful because I waited too long!
Now I am alone, more or less lonely, but I still have a support in my heart.
This is the second gathering in 20 12 years, and ten months and ten days have passed since the last gathering. That day, it was very cold and rainy. I met him at the railway station by coach. I used to get carsick badly, but I was so nervous and excited that day that I seemed to forget carsick. After receiving him, we stayed together for a few days and then left. We spent the "end of the world" together, and we passed 20 13 1.4.
(6) When campus love hits a wall, social reality.
Gradually entering the society, there are always all kinds of helplessness. At this time, I don't even have a dependence. I feel a lot of complaints in my heart. I remember writing this feeling in my diary:
People are in a contradiction between happiness and misfortune, which makes people feel deeper pain. It seems that happiness is close at hand, but in fact it is far away. Mirage, can't let go, can't catch it, and generally can't say it. Sometimes it is better to live in pure poverty and loneliness. I was on duty in the company at night and didn't leave the company until 9: 40, so I missed the last bus home long ago. Tell him I'm back, and he says, "Well, be safe." He is in a bad mood recently, so bad that he doesn't know what to tell me, so bad that he almost feels bored with me. Maybe he's really bored.
Inexplicable sadness is like the cold wind at night. I don't know why, I cried all the way. Fortunately, it was night and there were few pedestrians, which made it a public place where I could vent freely.
I/kloc-arrived home at 0/0: 40 and sent him a message. He didn't answer. He should go to bed. He's asleep ... Am I disappointed or something?
I know that I can't be considerate at any time. Even if I know the helplessness of the soldiers, I can't help complaining in my heart.
It was the spring of 20 13. I was a senior and ran out alone. When I first left school, I always encountered many problems and was unable to solve them. Really hit a wall everywhere, and my mentality is not good. Naturally, I am pessimistic about my feelings.
(7) Love needs reflection.
"Maybe I am too rational, but I often blur the boundaries between love and not love, clearly seeing that love has shortcomings all over; There are so many places to give up. There is no doubt about love, but you can't forget your own shortcomings and yourself. Love mixed with resentment is even more impure. In the face of love and marriage, I still keep this sobriety. How can I not let people say that I am selfish and only love myself! "
The more you know yourself, the more selfish you feel, the more you understand each other, and the more you know how unbearable others are.
It is confusing to meet again, mistakenly thinking that we should get along day and night, and mistakenly thinking that every day should be beautiful and wonderful. After that, in fact, after a few days, how cruel it was, I couldn't help but feel it. You complain about how boring life is. I told you, life is like this, and plain is true. Actually, it is not. This is the moment of separation. Parallel life makes each other have no intersection. You don't understand my happiness and I don't understand your needs, so life is not wonderful.
Meeting again, just like a fairy tale, will deceive people and girls they don't know, thinking that life doesn't need responsibility, so it is good for two people to be together. I don't understand, in those years when he left, all you lost was him, what he lost was his past, and love was only a small part; You don't understand, or you forget, that in those years when he left, all you lost was his lover who was accompanied by the sun and the moon, and he also had his most beloved family, relatives and friends. Therefore, you mistakenly believe that he should spend all his time with you on the day of gathering. This is the punishment you give him in your heart and the compensation you want him to make. Oh, hateful willfulness and conceit.
Reunion after parting is a dream that will wake up at any time. With leaving again and again, everything is no longer true. Study hard and live well in life. Is to get up early for work every day, do your own work every day, do your own thing, and avoid right and wrong and infighting. Is to bring your own things back to the rented house after work every day.
I thought it would be beautiful to wait for someone in the best years. I thought I only cared about how lofty my feelings were, no matter what the actual situation was; I think it is brave to stick to your choice despite the discouragement of parents and relatives. What a ridiculous woman! She still complains when she needs him most, still thinks whether it is worth it when she is most helpless, still wavers in the face of the most realistic problems, and still feels sad when she comes back but is not around. What is more regrettable is that no matter how deep the complaint is, it will be exposed. Expose it, even hide its darkness, as the darkest sky shows, there must be the most violent storm. In fact, it's just an immature, willful and melodramatic girl.
The more you know yourself, the more selfish you feel, the more you understand each other, and the more you know how unbearable others are. I need to grow up too much, and he needs tolerance too much.
This is the time from the end of 20 13 to his return on 20 14, but he always quarrels and quarrels. He always said that I was mean, but in fact he just wanted to spend more time with me. Gradually, he began to stop relying on him, and sometimes he needed to take time to reflect on himself. This was written after quarreling with him.
(8) Learn to be independent and learn to live.
May 20 14, I came to a company and worked as a creative copywriter in the planning department. The work pressure is still great, and I often put my work first. Since I came to this company, my life has become full and regular. Of course, I'm a little tired and bored. Fortunately, I feel more and more independent in general, cooking by myself, going to work by myself, and all my life goes on day after day. Probably because I was busy, I ignored him. He must be a sensitive person, saying that I didn't love him before and even gave me the cold shoulder. I felt really tired, so I wrote in my diary:
"A tired relationship, dragging two overdrafts, love has no grave, just ticking time, urging me to die. I long for a single apartment, where I can't sleep and sleep till dawn with the lights on. However, I am no longer afraid of squatting on the street corner crying in the middle of the night, and I have nowhere to go. If you can't accompany me through the difficulties and protect me, please don't talk about your deep affection, and then talk about your disappointment. I have lost my sensibility. I'm not tired of you, just tired of life. "
I am a person with poor living ability, so there will always be all kinds of crazy situations. It is also because of the influence of a married girlfriend that I am more and more pessimistic about marriage. I can't help writing this thing. I often feel lonely to the extreme.
(9) The tranquility in the south of the Yangtze River.
-Jiangnan night eaves, don't know the wilderness of Saibei, after understanding things, Saibei can solve the feelings of Jiangnan?
Now it's 20 15, and I'm 25 years old. Time is really helpless. When I look back, it seems that I must sum up my love. The feelings accumulated in time may seem quiet and beautiful to outsiders, but on the occasion of the New Year's Eve, there is always a suspicion of "summing up the past and looking forward to the future".
This first love actually taught me that separation in the world is cruel, but no matter how cruel it is, you can get used to it. Until now, I won't be too sad or miss him very much when he leaves me. I just often feel lonely, the kind of loneliness that permeates my bones, but with a sense of security. I understand more and more that no one can accompany you all the time, and people must learn to live by themselves.
The laughter and sadness of that boy and girl in those days have now become stories in memories, and the forgotten details are our past. Sometimes I just want to find each other in my memory and find a relationship in my heart.
(10) Make yourself realistic and stable for the rest of your life.
At different times, I am different. Most of the time apart, I worked hard and was indifferent. I like to express my disdain for that kind of love with bitter words, and also think about what love is with a rational and objective heart, whether it is important or not. However, with him around, everything has become different, and I will unconsciously become gentle. Companionship is the longest confession, and I can only be made by this confession. From the end of 20 15 to the beginning of 20 16, someone accompanied me again.
It turns out that with a person, time will become long and soft. The so-called quiet time and stable life should be this feeling.
I lie lazily in the corner of the sofa, or curl up in any corner of the room, watching TV with my mobile phone, with different emotions as the plot of the TV series develops. He cooked noodles for me carefully, and the smell of noodle soup filled the whole room, mixed with care and consideration. It turns out that the plain life accompanied by daily necessities can be so delicious. He always said that you like your daughter very much, and you should bring her the best things in the world. She is always so patient, gentle and considerate to children, which makes people jealous.
After a few gloomy days, the weather suddenly cleared up. In the bright but not dazzling sunshine, you and I walk side by side. This is the day of parting, but it is especially bright and warm. I don't know what the weather means. We are talking about next year's marriage. You said you were going back to have a good exercise. I'm afraid you can't hold me then. I punched you gently, convinced that I can put on my wedding dress beautifully when I get married, so that you can hold it easily. Warm sunshine is accompanied by cold wind, which is the case in winter. I don't know how to release that long and delicate feeling in this short time, so I walked with the sunshine and walked comfortably without any intimacy. Having known each other for many years and falling in love, there is a kind of plain intimacy that doesn't need to be deliberately.
Of course, I know in my heart that no matter how willful I am in love, I can't bring it into marriage. Since I got married, I have to know how to compromise and accommodate. But this is really just the beginning. I need to give up all my dreams about wandering alone, all my desire for a single apartment, and how to face the world of a lot of relatives in my husband's family. I need to let go of all my feelings of young women in literature and art and integrate into the eternal marriage life as a real adult.
(1 1) the difference between cold and cold feeling
We got engaged on March 6, 1965/kloc-0. On April 2, he set out for the army and agreed to get married at the end of the year. The day he left, it was cool and rainy in Mao Mao. He left me early because he had to catch a plane in the morning.
The sky is slightly bright.
Dawn outlined the mountain.
It's all gray
The rain is slightly cold.
Raindrops outline your breath.
A wisp of white
Grass takes root quietly.
Small flowers are waiting to open.
It would be beautiful if we just stood and didn't talk.
I have been waiting since spring.
Meet again around winter.
Then I will be your bride.
In fact, people who have been separated for too long will not miss it too much.
(XII) Married in 20 18 years.
April 20 18, we got married. I followed him to Heihe and then to Mohe. We are like ordinary couples, more like military couples in ordinary places, living a dull and warm life. On July 3rd, I chose to go back to Anhui. "My heart can wait for you, but my steps can't stay for you." This is probably why I have been insisting.
Before I got married, I was always worried about what this marriage could bring me and what kind of life I could have. Today, after I got married, I looked at him and thought in my mind, what can I bring him, and whether I can make him feel happy and happy often. I always hoped that marrying me was the luckiest thing for him.