Oral Narration | I took 12 pictures from her circle of friends to piece together a heart-wrenching story.

01

In June 2020, 8-year-old Xin Bao passed away.

According to customs in my hometown, children who died in infancy cannot be buried, and relatives cannot visit.

Otherwise, it will be difficult for the child to be taken care of as early as possible.

However, who can understand how cruel this custom is to a mother.

In the past six months, there has not been a day when I didn’t look forward to a good night’s sleep and to be reunited with Xinbao in my dreams.

Unfortunately, I never dreamed about her even once.

That day, I saw an article by Xiao Nian, "After I lost my only child, I thought my marriage to my husband was over. It was my daughter who saved us in heaven."

That was the first time since Xinbao left that I cried so freely.

After crying, I decided to tell Xinbao’s story.

Although she has only lived in this world for 8 years.

However, she has been here before and she is really well-behaved.

02

On the morning of January 16, 2013, Xinbao was born, a cute pink baby little girl.

Her birth made me finally understand why my daughter is my parents’ little cotton-padded jacket.

I will always remember the feeling of holding her in my arms for the first time. She was small, soft, and could make people's hearts melt.

However, the novelty and joy of becoming a father for the first time had not faded away, and Xinbao, who was four months old, began to vomit non-stop.

I have been to countless hospitals, both within the province and outside the province, and the conclusions given are all consistent: methylmalonic acidemia.

This is a lifelong disease that can only be continued through long-term treatment, but cannot be cured.

What is even more unfortunate is that Xinbao was diagnosed as simplex, and it is not certain whether B12 is effective or not.

From then on, she took B12 shots every two days, took medicine three times a day, had to eat special milk, and was not allowed to eat fish, meat, eggs, milk, or beans.

Other people’s children are inspired by flowers, trees, picture books, and friends.

However, Xinbao deals with medical names such as L-carnitine, acidosis, B12, etc. every day.

"Hello, Li Huanying" said: My daughter, just be healthy and happy.

But we knew from the day Xinbao was diagnosed that health was really an unreachable luxury for her.

Therefore, we can only race against time to make her happy.

03

After Xinbao was born, I never went out to work again.

Dad Xin supports the whole family by himself. In order to give his daughter the best medicine, he takes on jobs everywhere. In the eyes of others, he is a person who "sees money".

In the words of my mother-in-law, Dad Xin always trotted every time he went to the inpatient department to pay the bill.

I know that feeling, because every day we open our eyes, we are fighting against God to snatch our daughter's life.

Therefore, we cannot be slow or slack.

Dad Xin is always laughing and joking in front of my daughter and me, and he is optimistic that everything will be possible if he has a girl.

He said: "Other people's daughters still have to worry about whether they study well and whether the person they marry in the future is reliable. My daughter will stay with us all her life. I raise her She will never let her suffer any injustice in her life."

Yes, compared with our daughter, other hardships in life are insignificant in our eyes.

Because of Xinbao, our requirements for happiness have been simplified.

If she is healthy, it will be sunny.

04

And optimism is contagious.

With Xin’s father working hard outside, I can devote myself to Xin Bao.

Her parents-in-law and sister-in-law never loved her any less because she was an unhealthy baby.

Especially when others say sympathetically, "Oh, the whole family will suffer because of such a child." They will respond gently: "Xinbao is our whole family." "

Before Xinbao, we would still quarrel and quarrel over trivial matters.

However, with a special child like Xinbao, the whole family has become more united and understanding of each other than ever before.

Except for life and death, everything else is really trivial.

Because of Xinbao, we all know how to cherish our family, just like my mother-in-law said: "Xinbao is the 502 of our family."

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Others said that Xinbao was here to collect debts. My sister-in-law immediately fell out with them and cried, "We, Xinbao, are here to repay the debt."

05 < /p>

Because he needs a special diet, every meal Xinbao eats is different from ours, and he has to eat small meals frequently.

It is necessary to control protein intake and ensure calories.

Since fish, meat, eggs, milk and beans are not allowed to be eaten, the delicacies she can eat are really extremely limited.

Therefore, we can only put some thought into the appearance of the food. Make it a heart shape today and make it look like a cartoon tomorrow.

Perhaps I have known that I am different from other children since I was a child.

Therefore, Xinbao learned early on to turn his head away when he saw other children eating snacks.

06

I remember one time, I held her in my arms and passed by the floor-to-ceiling window of KFC, and there was a child and her mother eating hamburgers and potatoes. Drink Coke.

Xinbao turned my head and said to me: "Mom, look at the many cars on the street..."

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At that moment, I really wanted to cry.

As a mother, I really don’t want her to be so sensible beyond her years.

I would rather she be a little more willful.

I brought her into this world, but there are so many delicious foods and happiness that she cannot enjoy.

There are too many taboos and shackles in her life.

Therefore, I hope she can live a little more unscrupulously in front of me.

But, she didn't.

07

Due to repeated acidosis, taking medicine and injections is a daily routine for Xinbao.

But she never made any noise and obediently let the nurse give the injection.

Her little hands and buttocks were full of needle holes.

I used a hot towel to apply the small needle holes on her, and she would say to me: "Mom, I really don't feel pain."

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Later, I learned to give her acupuncture myself. Even though it hurt, she never cried.

Seeing that I was so nervous that my forehead was covered with sweat, she wiped my sweat with her little hands and hugged me: "Mom, come on."

Seeing her holding back tears made my heart burst into tears.

Yes, there is a kind of pain, which is called the fear that the other person will hurt.

The feeling of mother-daughter connection, so painful and warm, always exists at the top of my heart.

08

Because of the developmental delay caused by the disease, Xinbao took a long time to grow up.

The joy she brought me also lengthened.

Before she was three years old, she could not crawl or stand. I joked that I was a kangaroo mother.

Because no matter where I go, Xinbao will hang on me.

We realized that I can even count how many eyelashes she has.

We are familiar with the fact that we can feel where she is uncomfortable through slight changes in her body breath.

I miss those days when we really depended on each other!

09

At that time, the first thing I did when I woke up every morning was to touch Xin who was sleeping on my left side. precious.

One morning when I was three years old, I didn’t touch it.

I suddenly woke up and sat up.

Then, I saw Xinbao on the right side of my body.

She was looking at me intently, with a little pride on her face.

I was so surprised that I asked her: "Baby, how did you run to mom's right side?"

She danced her little hands and feet, crawling from my right side back to my left.

My Xinbao can finally crawl.

The ecstasy is beyond words.

On that day, our whole family was as happy as a holiday.

That is the joy that Xinbao brings to us with her strength, optimism and cuteness.

That joy surpasses countless others in the world.

10

In 2017, I became pregnant again.

The idea of ​​keeping this child is actually very selfish.

Xin’s father and I may not be able to accompany Xinbao for the rest of her life, so we hope to give birth to a younger brother or sister for her, who will take care of Xinbao for us a hundred years from now.

I remember that on the day when my brother was born, Xinbao had been waiting outside the delivery room.

No one can persuade her to leave.

That seemed to be the first time in Xinbao's life that he had been separated from me for so long.

At 4:55 in the morning, I gave birth to my brother and the baby was taken out first.

When I was pushed out, Xinbao hugged me and cried. She kept calling "Mom, Mom..."

As if if she didn't call her mother, her mother would be taken away from her.

At that moment, I cried so hard that I couldn’t help myself.

I asked myself: Am I wrong about giving birth to a younger brother or sister for Xinbao? Does she feel that her mother no longer loves her?

If possible, I don’t want my Xinbao to have any uneasiness and fear in his heart.

11

Three days later, I was discharged from the hospital.

Xinbao has been following me step by step.

She acted very panicked, peed her pants at every turn, and kept asking me to hold her.

She looks like that and it breaks my heart.

Therefore, I will not allow her to be unhappy or insecure at all.

Even during the confinement period, I still prepared every meal for her myself.

As long as she wants me to hold her, I will hold her in my arms.

Even if he wants to hug his younger brother, he will ask for Xinbao’s permission.

Occasionally, we feel that it is unfair to our younger brother.

However, fate gave my brother a healthy body. This is God's love for him.

Therefore, the balance of our souls cannot help but tilt towards Xinbao.

And Xinbao is such a kind and innocent child. She completely accepted her brother three months after he was born.

Give her something delicious and fun, and she will give one to her brother first.

After her brother learned to crawl, she stayed by her side, fearing that he would bump into him. < /p>

At this time, I feel that I am the happiest mother in the world.

Even though my baby is suffering from a disease, her 7-year-old mental development is still at the stage of four or five years old.

However, she is so simple and kind that I can’t help but think narcissistically in my heart: My daughter is an angel in the world.

She deserves all the love and beauty in the world.

12

Speaking of which, we are really biased.

After my brother was born, I never celebrated his birthday.

However, every year Xinbao’s birthday is a grand event for our family.

Grandparents’ sense of ritual is really strict and harsh.

Steamed buns must be steamed, Xinbao must be bathed with moxa water, new clothes must be worn, birthday photos must be taken, longevity noodles must be eaten, and the baby must not feel a little uncomfortable. Happy...

Every year, when we watch Xinbao close her eyes and make a wish on the special cake made by her sister-in-law, our whole family has a ** in our hearts. *The same wish: May our Xinbao live a long life.

In each of our hearts, we are actually saying a long and silent farewell, and we are silently guarding the occurrence of a miracle.

It’s just that we don’t say anything.

Each uses his own way to protect our little princess.

13

In May 2020, Xinbao began to suffer from repeated acidosis. Can't be corrected.

At that time, it was during the epidemic, the clinic was closed and the hospital suspended treatment, so I had no choice but to bite the bullet and give her a drip myself.

During that time, Xinbao suffered a lot, and our whole family’s hearts felt like they were fried.

The acidosis could not be corrected, and we began discussing a liver transplant with our doctors.

Despite the friendly reminder from the doctor, liver transplantation cannot completely cure Xinbao's disease, but it can only extend her life.

But we have made up our minds.

The option chosen at that time was maternal liver transplantation, using part of my liver to extend Xinbao’s life.

I think clearly, as long as Xin Bao is still there, let alone a piece of liver, even if it takes my life, I will not hesitate.

14

However, on June 20, 2020, a most ordinary day.

I stayed with Xinbao in the hospital during the day, and my sister-in-law came to pick me up at night.

When handing over the shift that day, Xinbao said to me: "Mom, come see me early tomorrow morning."

I kissed her forehead and said: "Mom knows."

But I didn't know that the next morning, on my way to the hospital, I Xin Bao left me.

By the time I got to the hospital, she had stopped breathing.

When I held her in my arms, she was as soft as when she was just born eight years ago.

It’s midsummer, but I’m so cold that I’m shivering.

I lost the softest and most caring little cotton-padded jacket in my life.

15

After Xinbao leaves, I hope I can dream about her.

But not even once.

I don’t know if Xinbao is blaming me for not guarding her at the last moment of her life.

I have regretted in my heart more than once: If I could turn back time, my mother must go back to 2020, back to that summer, back to my daughter, and hug her well. Stay with her.

16

When Xinbao left, a part of my body also left with it .

I secretly kept her clothes, bicycles and toys.

The remaining breath on it makes me feel that my Xinbao is still there.

I really can’t stop myself from missing her, and I don’t want to increase the pain of my family.

Therefore, I just want to find the hardest and most tiring job to keep myself busy.

So, I asked my mother-in-law to help take care of my son and went to work at the express delivery station, working from morning to night every day.

I thought people would become numb if they were extremely tired.

However, when I got home from get off work and my son rushed to me and called me mother, I couldn't help but burst into tears.

How I wish that there would be a soft and waxy figure rushing towards me and calling me "Mom."

17

January 16, 2021, is the first day since Xinbao left. a birthday.

However, according to the instructions of Mr. Feng Shui, we cannot celebrate the child’s birthday or visit her burial place.

I asked him why?

He said that this was so that the child could be sent to another family as soon as possible.

After hearing this sentence, I completely collapsed.

Although I don’t know if there really is an afterlife.

But if it does happen, I must still be Xinbao’s mother, and Xinbao must still be my daughter.

The fate of our mother and daughter only lasts for less than eight years, which is far from enough.

18

That day, I saw a poem written by an 8-year-old boy on the Internet. It's called "Pick Mom".

You asked me what I was doing before I was born

I answered that I chose my mother in heaven

I saw you

I think you are very good

I want to be your son

I thought I might not have that luck

I didn’t expect it

Second Early in the morning

I am already in your belly...

I also shared this poem with Dad Xin.

We hugged each other and cried.

He said that if there really is an afterlife, he hopes that Xinbao can choose us to be her parents.

Yes, Xinbao, did you hear it?

In this life, your parents have not loved you enough.

We promise you that we will work extra hard and strive to make ourselves stronger and better.

When I calm down in the future, I will show my brother a family photo to let him know that he was once a child who was loved and cared for by his sister.

Every year on your birthday, we will still pray for you and celebrate you as before.

So, if you can, please choose me to be your mother and come to our home, okay?

PS: Share this story to your circle of friends. I want to collect likes and pray for Xinbao in heaven to light the way home in the next life. Thank you!

Xinbao, let’s renew our friendship in the next life, okay?