David and his chicken

David’s family had a Haba named Chicken. When he bought this dog, David solicited opinions in his circle of friends and asked everyone what they wanted to name it. My friend said that it doesn’t matter if the dog is ugly, as long as the name is good, why not just call it Michelangelo, very Italy. Put a little spaghetti on the dog’s plate, and the pattern will come up immediately. David was very excited at first and sent a red envelope to this brother. After barking all night, he woke up suddenly in the middle of the night and said to himself, no, my name is David, and his name is Michelangelo, then am I not the son of a dog?

So he Found that person again. The man thought for a long time, and finally advised David that this dog was as ugly as a chicken. It was too ugly to pick up girls, and it was too old to be cooked. No amount of peppercorns and star anise was added to it, so it was better to throw it away.

David lamented that he couldn’t eat spaghetti anymore. My name is David, and my most famous thing is Chicken, so I’ll just call him Chicken.

The chicken was playing with his chicken in the corner, unaware that his fate was destined to be like this.

How ugly the chicken is, let me describe it to you. David would rather leave the dog food to Rhubarb, the local security dog ​​downstairs, than put it on the chicken's plate. Hunger is the motivation for the chicken to learn. It is a little short-legged haba, and it just learned the ability to roll down the stairs to resist a blow. Every night, while David was playing games, Chicken would sneak out and roll downstairs to grab the bones that belonged to Dahuang.

I asked David, aren't you afraid that your dog will be snatched away?

David said, you don’t understand, I am old and now I just want to find an honest man to live my life. The chicken is my honest man. He is ugly and honest. He sleeps by himself when he doesn't cooperate. No one takes him away even if I let him out on the street. Now I can give the chickens a day off every day, which is really comfortable.

David studied in France in his early years and stayed in District 13 for ten months. One summer, he suddenly announced his return to China. After coming back, he disappeared for half a year. When he appeared in the circle of friends again, he was soliciting Haba's name. No one knows what he experienced in Paris. Was it because the artworks of the Seine River shocked his young mind, so much so that even creatures like Haba were so miraculous in his eyes that he wanted to get up and kiss them fiercely.

The only thing we know is that after he returned to China, he applied for a job as a returnee from overseas. The interviewer asked him, what have you learned after studying abroad for ten months? He described the Vietnamese noodles, Cantonese cuisine, barbecued pork, and cakes in Paris to the interviewers, drew a map, and told them how to get out of the airport. The interviewer listened with great interest and said that he must try it next time he goes to Paris, and finally kicked him out.

In subsequent applications, David changed this study abroad experience to: studying in France, living in Paris, practicing abroad, and finally even changing it to traveling abroad. Until the interviewer asked him, why should he write travel on his resume? He finally deleted this item completely.

The resume can be deleted, but we guess that something must have happened to David during his time in France. This matter exists in his memory and can never be deleted.

The first evidence is that David never drank. After returning from France, he became an alcoholic.

One time we were in a bar and talked about why we should raise chickens. He said, the first time I saw the chicken, I thought, if I were so ugly, I would have to drink to relieve my sorrow every day, right? So I happily bought it back and gave it whiskey, but it didn't want to drink it, nor did vodka. Lindemann drank a little, and I was very happy and increased the dose. After a week of this, the security guard complained to me that every night, the chickens would lie on the rhubarb, making the chickens stiff in the eyes of the residents coming in and out. So I beat the chicken and never let it drink again.

We asked David, if it doesn’t drink with you, do you want to send it back?

David said, of course not. Every time I drink, I think about how ugly the chicken is. It is so ugly that it can’t drink. I must drink more for it. This is doing a good deed and there is no guilt at all.

David's alcoholism is probably like this.

That’s not all. Based on the informant's information, we also obtained a second piece of evidence.

David has four friends, A plays guitar, B cooks, C speaks porn, and D is the most important and popular because he will pay the bills. They made an appointment with five young ladies and called David for a fair 5v5 outing.

David readily accepted. At night in Phuket, the young lady and David were alone. The humid air, the sultry temperature, the beads of sweat on the young lady's skin, and her face that was slightly red from the sun on the beach during the day. The young lady stretched out her hand, and David caught it. The young lady raised her buttocks, and David hugged her. The sword flashed, and you came and I went. But within ten minutes, David was kicked out.

According to rumors, David was kicked out the moment he saw David's chicken.

We asked David, why were you kicked out?

David said, she named my chicken, but my chicken cannot be named.

I was dismissed from school and spent the last month in Paris. There was a new Spanish girl next door. When she saw me, she called me Lao Guoba. She brought a fruit wine called "Shangui" in the middle of the night and asked me if I wanted to drink it. I slept with her for a month, my studies were gone, and my family urged me to go back, so I had to say goodbye to her.

Her name is Youpingni. Every time she sleeps next to me, she always shouts these three words. I also call her You Ping Ni, and she will laugh happily. After returning to China, I enrolled in Spanish for a semester and checked out all the pronunciations. I planned to learn them, so I immediately went to France to find her.

But you know what I found?

I discovered that You Ping Ni means chicken. Ji'er, do you know? I always thought her name was Ji'er. Every time I saw her, I called her You Ping Ni, and she would come into the room with me. When I slept with her, I also called her You Ping Ni. She would giggle.

David said, I didn’t expect that I would call the first woman in my life Ji’er. So how can I let another woman name my chicken?

We were silent for a long time after listening. My friend asked me secretly, what he meant was that his current chicken is called You Ping Ni, right?

Later, David learned Spanish, but because his parents objected, he finally did not go to France. His penis is still well in his crotch, and his chicken often goes downstairs to look for rhubarb.

David's "Shangui" is getting better and better. One time I went to David's house for a drink. David told me that sometimes I really wish , that Spanish girl, her name is Youpinni, even though it has a strange meaning.

I asked him why. He said, this way, at least I won't dream of her. I want to open my mouth, but I don't know her name, so I can only look at her helplessly, walking further and further away, and finally disappearing into the Spanish night.