When two people first met, was there any way to solve the awkward joke?
001 When a magpie comes, mother says it is a happy bird and a guest; when a swallow comes, mother says it is a beneficial bird and a guest; when a crow comes, the child asks, are you also a guest? The crow cries: Yes, I am a hacker!
002 A person keeps farting loudly in the office, and his colleagues can’t help but say: Can you just keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there shaking and shaking, and asked: What are you doing? He replied: I have adjusted it to vibrate!
003 When Carrot met the customer, he respectfully handed over his business card. The customer looked at the business card and asked: What do you call Korean ginseng? The little waist of the carrot straightened up, "I'm a Korean!"
004 Maitreya Buddha said: "Smile when you open your mouth, laugh at the past and laugh at the present, smile at everything; a big belly can accommodate, and can accommodate the heaven and the earth. What can we not tolerate? "A big belly can tolerate things that the world cannot tolerate, so why don't we make our belly bigger?
005 Love is empty, love is empty, and we wander in the street; people are empty, money is empty, and we are single and miserable. I am working part-time; I have nothing to do and nothing to do; I am going crazy just thinking about it; I have no money to recharge my mobile phone, and my life is not easy due to the pressure; in short, all four things are empty.
006 Before a certain death row prisoner went to the execution ground, the judge asked him what he wanted at this time. He said: "My biggest wish at this time is to be able to put on a bulletproof vest and a helmet!"
007 Four basic principles on the Internet: insist on asking about gender, insist on asking about age, insist on asking about marriage history, insist on asking When asking about the area, you are no exception, please answer directly!
008 He sat in court during the pre-Qing Dynasty and carried a gun in the Beiyang Army; he experienced desolation in the city of Wuchang and helped in the Northern Expedition; he was injured in the outskirts of Nanchang; he climbed over the wall in the Long March and stole sheep in the war behind enemy lines. ;Who else can be better than me?
009 Missing you is a common thing, missing you is a daily thing, dreaming about you is a nightly thing, loving you is a lifetime thing, and lying to you is just a thing.
010 Friends: I have a car, a house, and a fixed monthly income. If you are interested, please contact me as soon as possible - attached: house - dormitory for six people in the university; car - bicycle (absolutely environmentally friendly); Fixed income - 21 yuan monthly school subsidy.
011 The miser went out on business and was afraid that someone would secretly drink the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spit in the cup. After a while he came back and found a few more words on the note: I spit out it too!
012 I went to Mount Taishan with my friends to watch the sunrise. A friend pointed at the sky and said, "I saw it!" "I saw it too!" At this time, someone from a distance came out with his pants lifted and cursed: " If you see it, you will see it! What are you yelling about?"
013 In the restaurant, woman: Are you planning to marry me? The man is silent. Woman: Don’t think no one wants me. If things get popular, I’ll find someone to marry right here! The waiter came over: Miss, you scared away all the customers in our restaurant.
014 In the autumn, a notice was posted in the boys' dormitory building: "According to reports, a few boys used binoculars to observe the girls' dormitory opposite. It is prohibited from today." Everyone was in an uproar, but they heard a boy say: "It's already In autumn, the scenery is nothing like midsummer. ”
015 An old man lost his car. When he put the newly bought car downstairs, he locked three locks and clamped a piece of paper: Let you steal it! The car was not lost the next day, and there were two more locks and a piece of paper that said: Let you ride!
016 My husband said sadly: There is no perfect woman in this world. Wife: Am I not? Husband: No, you are only perfect. Wife: Why? Husband: Because you have neither outer beauty nor inner beauty.
017 The tiger said to the chicken: I can’t live without you. Chicken said: I will never understand your tenderness. The tiger kills the chicken and scares the monkey, and says to the chicken: I am not careless. Say to the monkey: Know my heart clearly. Chicken said: Why is it always me who gets hurt?
018 "Do you know why men like to have long hair like ladies these days?" "Because, if your lover or wife finds long hair on their clothes, he will smile and say: 'This is my hair! '"
019 When I came into this world, God promised to marry his most beautiful daughter to me. I looked around and searched, and after waiting for 21 years, I ran to ask God. God said: "Why are you so anxious? I don't even have a girlfriend yet."
020 There are ten penguins in the zoo, and you are ordered to interview them about what they do every day. The first nine all talked about eating fish and playing bobo. In the end, I only ate fish. Why, you ask? The last one reached: My name is Bobo.
021 If you still insist on going to work, you are a warrior; if you still dare to wander around the world, you are a warrior; if you do not reply to the text message I sent, you are a martyr; if you insist on Invite me to dinner...then you are a gentleman!
022 Weather forecast: I miss you a little tonight to tomorrow morning, and it is expected that I will continue to miss you in the afternoon. Affected by this low mood, I will turn to violent thoughts in the evening, and my mood will drop by five degrees. This kind of weather is expected Will last until I see you.
023 First-class men have no worries, second-class men make phone calls, third-class men run up and down, and fourth-class men sit at home and scold.
024 The first-class beauties traveled across the ocean, the second-class beauties went to Shenzhen and Zhuhai, the third-class beauties stayed in Shanghai, the fourth-class beauties waited in the countryside, and the fifth-class beauties were sent to labor camps!
025 Who is Qingtian’s husband? --Egrets, because a row of egrets ascends to the sky. Who is Qingtian's husband? --Blue sea, because the blue sea and blue sky make my heart feel better every night.
Has Qingtian ever been a mistress? --Yes, because of the young man Bao Qingtian.
026 A good man is a profound book, the more you read it, the more you become fascinated; a good woman is a crystal clear spring, the more you read it, the more interesting it becomes. A man is like a car, and he must not only be able to drive it, but also repair it; a woman is like a cup of tea, and she must not only be able to drink it, but also be able to taste it.
027 New students on campus: students who repeat a grade are called "foreign students", students whose families have money are called "rich students", and students who doze off in class are called "extremely poor students".
028 Important news: Saddam has been found! Bush said: "You are not allowed to set fire to the oil wells!" Saddam said: "I am not going to light it! I am not going to light it!" As a result, he was imprisoned in Beijing Xiaotangshan Hospital!
029 You are cool, you are handsome, you are a diamond king, there are rows of beauties chasing you, you can choose from them, your face will light up with joy, your heart will beat wildly, and your ears will be filled with joy. A sound of "rag pickers are not allowed to sleep here"
030: Marriage is called Internet access, bigamy is called One Card with Two Numbers, extramarital love is called call transfer, having more lovers is called Monternet. Divorce is called canceling account, and separation is called It's called a shutdown to protect your account, a remarriage is called a resumption, a woman's remarriage is called a transfer, and a man's remarriage is called a card replacement.
031 My car has no license plate, no driving license, no driving license, no road maintenance fees... In short, it has nothing, but it can travel around the world without any hindrance. Actually, it doesn’t matter, because it’s a bicycle!
032 Bajie peeked at Spider Spirit taking a bath and asked Tang Monk for help if he wanted to see her naked body. Tang Monk shouted: Be careful! It's thundering! Collect clothes when it rains! The spider spirit rushed ashore, and Bajie fainted: Master, I accepted YOU.
033 When Heaven is about to confer a great responsibility on a person like this, he must first induce his mind, kiss his bones and muscles, kiss his body and skin, caress his exhausted body, mess with his behavior during sex, and then he will know that he was born in sorrow and died. Peace.
034 The phone rings once, which means I miss you; two rings means I miss you so much! Three times, I miss you very much! Four tones, I miss you very much; five tones - demo, it’s time to answer the phone!
035 One night, a naked man hailed a taxi. The female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a fucking naked man! The female driver was also furious: Let me see where you got the money from!
036 A pair of lovers went to register for marriage. "Have you ever had a premarital checkup?" "I have checked, and his house and car are all intact." "I mean go to the hospital." The young woman blushed and replied in a low voice: "checked, it's a boy."
037 One day, 0, 8, and 6 and 9 met on the street. 0 looked at 8 disdainfully and said: You are just fat, why should you wear a belt? 6 didn’t even look at it. 9 said: It’s cool, it’s cool, why are you doing handstands!
038 A male and female friend sleep in the same room, and the woman draws a line: those who cross the line are animals. When she woke up and found that the man had really failed to pass the line, the woman slapped the man hard: You are worse than a beast!
039 A man's family was poor since he was a child. His mother used rice bags to make underwear and ordered him to wear them on his wedding day. When she took off her trousers for the first time on the wedding night, her wife fainted immediately. The front of her underwear clearly stated: net weight 30 kilograms.
040 "I heard that you and your wife had an argument yesterday. How did it end?" "Of course she knelt down to beg me!" "No way! How did she beg you?" "She said:' I won't hit you anymore, come out from under the bed! '"
041 A pair of fly mother and son were eating, and the son frowned and asked his mother: "Mom, why do we have to stand on the poop every day to poop? It’s so dirty!” Mom said, “Don’t say such unhygienic things while eating!”
042 A: How could you be fired if you didn’t do a good job at the crematorium? B: It’s my fault for talking too much! A:Did you say something? B: That time I asked the family next to me how cooked it would be!
043 Everyone has a working meal together while working. One day I was eating spicy tofu for lunch. The man said: "The tofu is not enough." The woman said: "Then you can eat my tofu!" The man said: "Your tofu is so delicious!"
044 On the Cliff A little mouse waved its short front paws, jumped down again and again, and tried to learn to fly. The female bat next to it looked at it and its head was bruised and bloody. She said worriedly: "Dad, if you don't tell it, it is not ours. biological!
045 When you don’t have a girlfriend – a good citizen; when you have a girlfriend – be released on bail pending trial; when engaged – live under residential surveillance; after marriage – life imprisonment!
046 The wind is blowing and the rain is blowing, the platform hook is curved, you push a sandalwood chariot and rush, your hair is flying in the drizzle, suddenly you stop the chariot and glare Ahead, suddenly shouting up to the sky: collecting rags
047 We are so rich: We wear plain cloth and eat vegetarian food, we don’t walk for transportation, communicate on the Internet, my wife is jealous, the old man goes for a run, and when we get up in the morning, we place bets on New Year’s Eve Late rent collection. Jueqiao revealed: Building huts randomly to compete for demolition households!
048 Late at night, Bush suddenly woke up from his dream and found Bin Laden standing beside his bed with disheveled hair: You are so brave! Bin Laden shook his head: Rejoice is so confident
049 You are not young anymore, there are some things that I should let you know! The sky is used to bring wind and rain; the earth is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove how great human beings are; and you are used to stew vermicelli.
050 Seven precepts after meals: one is to quit smoking, the other is to eat fruit immediately, the third is to loosen your belt, the fourth is to drink tea immediately, the fifth is to walk for a hundred steps, the sixth is to take a bath immediately, and the seventh is to sleep immediately! Bajie: Do you remember?
051 A crane mixed in with the chickens and grabbed food. The chicken asked: Who are you? Crane said: I am a chicken. The chicken doesn’t believe it: Is there a chicken with such long claws? Crane said: Pheasants are used to solicit tourists.
052 I have three words to say to you: The first sentence is about missing you! The second sentence is about I miss you! The third sentence is about I still miss you! Give me a bowl of rice, I have already No food!
053 Bird A made a bet with Bird B. Bird A flew down a branch and tried to take meat from under the butcher’s knife, but was caught and plucked out. Bird A was rescued by Bird B and tried to show off: “Why save me? I was about to "Fuck him naked"
054 If I say: I can meet you by burning incense for one year, I can get to know you by burning incense for three years, I can cherish you by burning incense for ten years, for me For happiness in the next life, I am willing to ---convert to Christianity
055 I have been thinking about you lately. I know it is not good, but if I don't tell you what is in my heart, I will regret it for the rest of my life. No matter what your decision is, I won't force you. If you are really in trouble, don't pay back the two cents!
056 There was an old farmer who wanted to buy a mobile phone. The salesman sold him: This one is good, the price is not expensive and you can download it~~~\"It can give birth to cubs! I want it!
057 A woman complained about her husband: “You are so useless, you are not as good as others in any aspect. "The husband said: "That's very true, especially my wife! ”
058 The zebra expressed love to the deer but was rejected. The zebra yelled: Why is all this happening? The deer timidly said: My mother said that those with tattoos are all bad boys
059 Everyone sleeps in a row in class, is obsessed with anti-terrorism, is tireless as a legend, sends text messages until the balance is due, smokes and rubs all the time, can’t get drunk after two bottles of liquor, skips classes in groups, long live college life!
< p>060 Old John asked his future son-in-law: "When you marry my daughter, if I give her a generous dowry, what will you give me? "I'll give you a receipt."061 A primary school student used "sure" to make a sentence: I must raise my puppy to an adult! The teacher commented: It's OK to raise it, but not to an adult! !
062 The most unpalatable dish, the second wife. The strongest network, the most difficult to prevent, cheating.
063 In a lecture on women’s health knowledge, the teacher asked: “What should I pay special attention to after pregnancy? "A young woman stood up and replied: "We must get married as soon as possible. ”
064 Don’t look at me thin, I am full of muscles; don’t look at me black, my face is full of brilliance; my head can be cut off, but my hairstyle should never be messy; blood can flow, but my leather shoes must be oiled.< /p>
065 Our village is poor! We basically rely on robbing to get rich, we basically rely on thinking about getting married, we basically rely on walking for transportation, we basically rely on shouting for communication, we basically rely on dogs for public security, and we basically rely on shaking for warmth.
066 That day I went to a restaurant and ordered a dish called Bosnian War and Dragon Crossing the River Soup. When it was served, I vomited blood! There was a green onion floating on the stir-fried black fungus with spinach!
067 One in the desert. A trapped man met God and granted him two wishes. He said he wanted to be able to drink water every day and see women’s butts. With a bang, he turned into a toilet.
068 Piggy established a club and said: If you want to call me a nickname, call me Piggy! Kitten: Call me Kitty Cat! The chicken blushed and said I have something to do.
069 The lonely tree has been waiting lonely for thousands of years, just to fall in love with you one day when you walk by the roadside... If I can't smash you, my life will be in vain!
070 A certain man chases a certain person hard! Woman, a certain woman refused several times. One day, a certain man proposed to her again, and the woman said angrily: What do you like about me? Can’t I change?
071 The Rouzhong family member was beaten by Baozi. , they retaliated wildly, all the Baozi family members were beaten violently, and the fried dumplings and pot stickers were not spared. The siomai was forced into a corner and could not bear it, tore his clothes and said: "I am an undercover!"
072 A mental patient said to The doctor shouted: "I am the king, you all must obey me! Doctor: "Who said that?" "God said it!" At this time, another patient jumped out: "I never said that!" ”
073 The parrot said to the flight attendant: “Go, give me a glass of water.” When the pig saw it, he also said to the flight attendant, “Go, give me a glass of water too.” The flight attendant threw them out of the cabin in anger. Parrot : "You're stupid, I can fly."
074 Firefly was detained for being a hooligan. Firefly refused to accept it: Who discharged the electricity? Who ran naked? Who has exhibitionism? The bathroom is dark and you are not allowed to light a lamp?