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Selected short and super cold jokes

Lead: Life is a big dye vat, with sorrow and joy. Everyone hates sadness and approaches joy. Next, I will sort out a selection of short and super cold jokes for you, hoping to bring you a little joy.

Short super joke 1 1. Yesterday, I found a fortune teller on the roadside, male left and female right.

If you don't know, ask: Why are men left and women right?

Fortune teller: Because the man's right hand is too fierce.

2. After sex, my boyfriend hugged me and said, "Think about it."

"Isn't it? Why are two primary schools in the same school, junior high school students, high school deskmates and college students sleeping together? "

Reporter: Excuse me, this classmate, what do you think of Tokyo's successful Olympic bid?

Male student: I'll watch it with fast broadcast!

4.a: "Is it strange that a diver appeared in the bathtub when my wife was taking a bath?"

B: "Not surprisingly, didn't a sewer get out of bed last time?"

Short super joke 2 1, one day I quarreled with my girlfriend, and she turned off her cell phone and went home. I chased her downstairs, trying to call her name, but I was afraid her mother would hear me.

So I shouted my name downstairs for two hours.

2. "My ex-girlfriend has a good figure, with a height of 1.68 meters and a weight of only 90 kg. I can easily throw her up. "

"Very well! How did you become your predecessor? "

"Er ... I threw it too high and missed it. I'm still lying in the hospital ... "

On the night of breaking up, she drank too much, and her boyfriend carried her to the car and finally said, "Take care."

She thinks he still loves her! So I have been looking forward to this reconciliation with him.

Until one day ... my boyfriend's friend told him that what he said that day was actually "really heavy" ...

In a fruit shop, a girl was worried about eating an incomplete watermelon, and the boss didn't want to sell it separately.

"Open it, I'll buy half." I told my boss.

My sister looked up at me. It was obvious in the dim light that her eyes were full of gratitude.

"Thank you, that's very kind of you!" Then pay and leave.

This story tells me that the weak woman was moved by the kindness of the public, and she was grateful to tears. The stories she finally entrusted to each other were all fairy tales, and they were all lies!

Short super joke 3 1. I saw a couple in front of the supermarket today. The girl's clothes are very chic, so I can't help looking at them more. ...

The girl was a little proud to find someone watching her and pulling her clothes.

Suddenly she found something and shouted at her boyfriend, "Why didn't you tell me that my clothes were on backwards?"

2. I drove to work in the morning, parked my car in the parking lot and saw my colleague's car next to me. The front bumper is less than 2 cm away from the wall.

I gave my thumbs up and said to my colleague, "You are great. How do you practice this technique? I am impressed! " "

My colleague looked at me and said, "What a cow! Hit the wall and bounced back! "

Short super joke 4 1. The hot water from the dormitory water dispenser is super slow, and it takes about five minutes for 800cc.

Just now, mm went to pick up the water, staring at the water outlet of the water dispenser while reading the webpage, and said, "I can't stand it. Is there a problem with the prostate? "

When there is no one in the company after work, several computers get together to play mahjong, and the water dispenser looks very interesting. It wants to play, too Every time the water dispenser plays mahjong, it loses to the computer, but it still insists on participating every day. I saw the sofa, but I don't understand. It asked the chair, "The water dispenser is lost every day. Why are you still playing so hard? " The chairman said, "Are you out of your mind to ask such a question?"

Step 3: One day

Yongze said to Maruko, "You are so mean! 」

Maruko: "What do I mean? 」

Yongze: "Ask someone else if you don't believe me."

Maruko went to Hua Lun.

Maruko: "Hua Lun, am I mean? 」

Hua Lun: "Hey! Baby ~ で

4. Maruko asked: "Why can only say that the daughter is like a father, but not that the father is like a daughter?" Dad said, "I ask you, did you have a father or a daughter first?" "Of course, there is a daughter first, then a father." Maruko said confidently, "You became my father after my mother gave birth to me!" " " .

Short super joke 5 1, m: the most difficult thing in the world is a woman.

Woman: No, I think the most boring thing in the world is men!

M: Let me give you an example. Did you argue with your husband for three hours about a trifle yesterday?

Woman: Yes, how do you know! ?

Man: Hear from the beginning to the end!

The grocer has a new daughter. One day, a friend came to fix up his little daughter and told her that she was only one year older than the girl.

The businessman and his wife discussed the marriage in private. He said: "My daughter has just turned one year old, and the boy is two years old, twice as big as her daughter. When his daughter gets married at the age of twenty, he will be forty. How can we have the heart to let our daughter marry such an old man? "

His wife smiled and said, "You old fool! Now that our daughter is one year old, won't she be as big as that boy next year? "

A woman got married, but she gave birth to a little boy less than half a year after marriage.

My mother-in-law is very embarrassed. She walks around the house with her child in her arms every day, afraid to go out for fear of being discovered by outsiders.

Seeing that her mother-in-law likes children so much, a woman said to her mother-in-law, "Mom, if I had known you liked children so much, I would have brought my boss."

Short super joke 6 1. Have you ever heard of it? Say a badminton enthusiast, when he was playing badminton doubles, his opponent tried his best to kill the ball, and the high-speed badminton hit him on the head, and his partner accidentally patted him on the back of the head. From then on, he became demented and could only say "no". Someone asked him if he had eaten, and he said "no" and asked him if he had slept. He also said "no" ...

The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this method is good, so she cuts herself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat. Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid?" You will die if you cut so hard! Father earthworm said weakly. ... I suddenly want to play football. "

3. A group of people have never had confidence in themselves. Reincarnation encouraged him to ask:

"If one day, you wake up in the morning and find yourself the most famous person in the world,

What was your first reaction? "

A group of people said without thinking, "I'll see if I'm the only one left in the world."

4. A group of people fought with reincarnation.

Gang attacked the enemy with X_BUNNER, and even missed five times.

Reincarnation said contemptuously: "stupid class, look at me!" " "

After five robberies, the other party still didn't fall. Reincarnated and said, "See? That's what you just did! ! "

Short Super Joke 7 1, a self-righteous nuisance saw me and my friends discussing co-prosperity and co-suppression, and came over and said with disdain: It's Jin Kemu, Mu, Tuke water, water, fire, what's the matter! I already know.

I smiled: there is one more, you didn't mention it.

He froze: What else?

I said seriously: and FAK oil!

I want you to stare at me! Without the slightest freedom, don't avoid my eager eyes!

Even if it's just a look! Turn your head for a moment!

My fire of jealousy, the flame of love and hate, will burn!

I want you to be my slave and enjoy the lingering of your ice muscle jade bone!

I want you to be my king, and I admire your quick manners!

I want you to be mine! It belongs to me!

I want you to look at me! Look at me! Don't shake your head

Promise me! Electric fan!

In this world, there are people who seem to be kind to you and know you well, but what they do in the end is always quite different from your wishes and original intentions, which will bring you incalculable and irreparable losses for a period of time.

You are angry, but you are helpless. There's nothing you can do about him.

You have to rely on the passage of time to let the pain heal slowly.

This kind of person who is always against you is a barber.

Short-term joke 8 1, the guys in the group spit out too much overtime, and they are more black-hearted than anyone's boss.

One said, "I bought a new home theater, but I'm too busy to watch movies."

Another said, "I bought a new multifunctional rice cooker and haven't come home for dinner yet ..."

A buddy said, "I rented a new house near the company but didn't go home for half a month in a row." The landlord called the police and thought I was dead ... "

everyone ...

2. Boss: "This function must be done before going to work!"

Cheng: "OK."

The next morning

Boss: "Why hasn't this function been done yet?"

Cheng: "I haven't got off work yet."

3, a female colleague gave birth to a daughter, and asked everyone for help in the office to give a good name!

a； The word "light" is excellent, water, fire and yin intersect, but the depths are indifferent!

b； What about his father's surname Ji?

C: What if his father's surname is Gou?

This woman is furious: get out of here, my husband's name is Cao!

The most beautiful girl in the bureau has a boyfriend, and Xiao Wang, who has a crush on her, is very depressed.

After work this afternoon, he felt even worse when he saw the couple hugging under the office building. ...

When he went to work the next day, Xiao Wang was listless and sighed. His colleagues asked him what was wrong.

Xiao Wang said, "Alas! The bureau flower makes people hug! "

5, the unit WeChat group, the boss is also inside, many people do not know.

Today, silly Xiao Wang played in the group: Manager Zhang is like a pig!

I was shocked and told him privately: Manager Zhang is in the regiment.

A few seconds later, Xiao Wang continued to type in the group: Teacher Zhang, like a pig, sacrificed himself and benefited the public; Teacher Zhang is like a cow, working hard and complaining. We should learn from him!

This is a god reaction!

Short Super Joke 9 1, China has only two kinds of balls, one is table tennis, the other is football, one can't beat anyone, and the other can't beat anyone.

2. The cultures of Japan and China are actually similar. For example, in Japan, Ji means princess. In China, princess also means chicken.

When you meet a bear, you should lie down and play dead immediately, and don't move when it comes. -Said the bear.

4. My friend learned that I studied Buddhism. He also turned over a few pages of scripture yesterday. He said to me this morning, "Big Brother, as the saying goes, put down the butcher's knife and become a Buddha. When I woke up this morning, I was asking myself: Who am I going to cut tonight? "

5. "I'm just saying." His face is expressionless.

I looked at him nervously: "Are you just talking?"

He nodded his head. I quickly stepped forward to hold his hand: "I've heard a lot about you, I'm from a circle of friends."

6. "If you can't find someone, you will gain weight."

"Why?"

"Because I am sad and want to chew, I can only eat and wait."

7. Finale of Olympiad: Known iphones include iphone 6s and iphone 6s Plus, gray, white, gold, pink, 16GB, 16gb 64gb 128gb, A version, V version, T version, S version, Hong Kong version, European version and China version.

Warm screen, cold screen, yin and yang screen, TSMC Samsung, how many iphone are there? (20 points)

Short super joke 10 1. A vegetable vendor injured an old woman while delivering goods by car. The old woman appealed to the court and he paid a large sum of compensation.

A few weeks later, his van hit an old gentleman, who also got a lot of compensation in court, and the vegetable merchant almost went bankrupt.

On Sunday, the greengrocer sat idle at home, and his children ran in angrily.

"Dad!" The child shouted, "No, mom was run over by a station wagon ..."

Tears welled up in the eyes of the vegetable merchant. He said in a very excited tone, "Thank God, my luck has finally turned!" " "

2. One day, several good friends met in the street. They came to the restaurant together, ordered food, and suddenly didn't want to pay. One of them said that we all use our own surnames to say this dish. You can eat what you say right, and you can't eat what you can't say. You have to pay. Everyone else said yes.

The waiter brought the food up. Jiang said first that I was a fisherman, and then I brought the fish. The surname Huang said that I was a weasel stealing chicken, and then I brought the chicken. Qin said I was Qin Shihuang who annexed six countries, and then I took all the rest.

As a result, there was only one surnamed Sun. When he saw that he didn't have to eat and had to pay, he said I was messing with the Monkey King, and then he lifted the table.

The girl and the young man met in the park through the arrangement of the marriage agency. The two chatted for a while, and the girl got up to leave.

The young man is very interested in this girl. Seeing that she was leaving, he was very anxious and quickly asked why.

Girl: "Although you are good-looking, your stomach is empty."

Boy: "Who said my stomach was empty? I also ate a western meal and drank three glasses of wine before I came to the park. "

4. A drunken reporter went to the newspaper and asked him angrily why he didn't publish his own news and kept pestering him.

An editor who is good at dealing with difficult problems patiently asked him to open the newspaper of the day, and then asked, "Do you see any space in the newspaper where you can publish your news?"

"No." The reporter replied.

"That's why it wasn't published."

Short super joke 1 1 1, cat

My wife goes abroad to study, because she is busy with her studies and writes less letters. On this day, she called home and asked her husband to be caring and attentive. Finally, she asked:

"Honey, what happened to my lovely kitten?"

"dead"

"Oh my god, this news is terrible! Why didn't you tell me such sad news gently? For example, the kitten climbed a tree to catch birds and accidentally slipped down to heaven, understand? "

"I see."

"Dear, is there any news from my hometown? Is my mother better? "

"Her old man's house also climbed a tree ..."

2. Introduce your sister

One day, my brother said that he would introduce me to a beautiful girl, dress up at home for an hour and meet that MM, the ultimate beauty, and Stephen Chow's upper body in the coffee shop. He tried his best to amuse his sister, thanked her and wanted to develop further. Brother doesn't understand the times, so he sat next to his sister and kissed her loudly in public, saying, we all know your sister-in-law. Is she beautiful? I cried. This is my own brother. No, it's a lie!

I want to count the stars

At the end of the year, a colleague who was usually very calm drank his eyes red that day. When the leader saw that the situation was not good, he quickly asked me to take him home. But when I reached for a taxi, my colleague didn't get on the bus anyway, but sat on the side of the road with great interest. He looked up at the sky and said, Who said there are countless stars in the sky? I'll count them all tonight!

4. Delicious

My deskmate fell asleep doing the paper, and put an earth-shattering fart in her sleep, which smelled extremely bad. Everyone stopped looking at him at once, but he didn't mean to wake up. Looking at the teacher's livid face on the platform, we all tried to hold back our laughter. But at this time, the deskmate actually talked about talking in his sleep, only to hear him say: it's delicious!

Step 5 change money

In the public toilet, I suddenly heard someone talking in the toilet. Friend, do you have any toilet paper? I searched my pockets. I'm sorry, I don't know. After a few seconds, the man asked again, friend, do you have a small newspaper? I smiled helplessly, sorry, no, I just came to pee. A few seconds later, a piece of RMB 10 was stuffed under the toilet door. Friend, can you break it into 1 10 pieces? Then I gave him 10 coins.

Step 6 write an article

Look at your sad face. What happened? Write an article entitled "What did I do yesterday". Well, what did you do yesterday? Have a drink. You are so stupid! Let me tell you something. If you keep writing, why don't you just change the word drinking to reading? Zhang Wen was inspired. He wrote: "I got up early in the morning and read for a long time. I thought about it and ate the second half in one breath, but I didn't think it was enough, so I went to the store and bought another one. " I met Li Da head-on on the way back. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he had read the same thing.

7. Let's talk about it again

My wife and I have been married for more than ten years, and the romantic age has been a long time! This morning, I suddenly said to my wife on a whim: Let's talk about love again and pretend you don't know me. My wife said: ok, I will tell her: hi! Little bitch, who knows that this product slaps me as soon as it raises its hand, and still curses: I'm tired of harassing my aunt!

8. Go to the bathroom

Once on a plane, the lady by the window wanted to go to the toilet and needed me to stand up and give up her seat. I was afraid she was in a hurry, so I unfastened my seat belt and stood up suddenly. However, I didn't get up, as if a powerful force had stopped me. I resisted, resisted, resisted, but was firmly locked in my seat. What's going on here? I looked down and my seat belt was tightly tied to my body. What I untied was actually a belt.

Short super joke 12 1. Before the exam, I advise you not to watch unlucky movies, such as Raise the Red Lantern.

2。 When mm answered the question, she found that her thinking was wrong and she couldn't answer it. At the critical moment, a piece of paper flew quietly. Just when she was moved by someone's heroic rescue, she found that the note said-you are dead!

3。 A man got on the train and sat by the window. After the train left, he took out a roast chicken neatly, pulled off the head of the chicken handsomely and threw the whole roast chicken out of the window smartly. Then I stared at the chicken head in my hand for a while and began to chew.

4。 "All tickets, half tickets." A female passenger said. The conductor looked at a boy next to her for a while and said, "He must be twelve years old. Please buy him a full ticket. " "Hey, I just got married for ten years. How can he be twelve? " "Madam," said the conductor, "I only sell tickets. I don't want to answer your personal questions. "

5。 "Who knows what shape the earth is?" A mountain village primary school is asking questions in class. I don't know, sir. The students answered in unison. "So, what shape is my usual snuff bottle?" "Square, sir." "No, no, I don't mean that one. I mean the one I used on Sunday. " "round, sir." "So, do you understand the shape of the earth now?" "I see, Monday to Saturday is square, and Sunday is round, isn't it?"

6。 Man: Honey, shall we get married? Woman: It's ok to get married, but if I want to steal food from your farm, I have to steal it! The man pondered for a long time and shook his head firmly: there is no way to steal my food!

7。 Handsome college life is like grass in the dormitory, and going out is handsome. Don't look for beautiful women like clouds. You can have love at will. You will be like a pair of mandarin ducks before graduation, and you will fly around after graduation!

Short super joke 13 1, wife: "that day, when the big black bear appeared, you left me and ran away!" But you told me that for me, you are not afraid to face death! "

Husband: "Yes, I said so, but the bear is alive."

I came home late at the weekend. As soon as I entered the door, my wife asked me, "How come I didn't go home until 7 o'clock?"

I said, "I attended a press conference this afternoon." My wife rummaged through my bag and said, "What cloth? I just want to make a pair of pants. "

After cooking a table of dishes, I asked my husband, "How does it taste? Like a first-class restaurant? "

My husband ate and replied, "If you don't have to wash the dishes after dinner, it will be more like a first-class restaurant."

4. After the funeral, the girlfriend comforted the woman who had just lost her spouse: "Don't think about the bad side, think about the good side."

The new widow thought for a moment and said, "This is the first time in 20 years that I know where he spent the night."

Short super paragraph 14 1, Pol. Ice: "Recently, there is a princesa near our community, which seriously affects the city appearance. This is illegal. The characteristics of standing in princesa are: first, seduce you actively; Second, ask to have sex with you; Third, I want money for you! "

I only heard a brawny voice among the residents saying to himself, "Shit, my daughter-in-law did this to me! Do I have to report to you! "

Pol. Ice: "..."

There are two people talking about their work by the roadside.

A: "Brother, how is your work recently?"

B: "Not bad, my career is booming recently, and my income is getting higher and higher recently!" "

A: "How much can you earn a day now?"

B: "It depends on how cold the weather is, but also on the love of the heart!"

A: "It turned out to be a beggar."

When my son was three years old, he moved some books to the ground, stepped on them, and tiptoed down the candy on the cupboard.

My daughter-in-law told me: "Our son knows so much at such a young age, much better than you!" " ! First, books are the ladder of human progress; Second, to do great things, we must stand on the shoulders of giants; The third reason is that a letter is better than no book! "

I glanced at the books on the ground and said to my daughter-in-law, "The top one looks like our IPAD!" " "

Daughter-in-law ran to catch her son, which was a beating. ..........

The commander sat in the command post and laughed.

Chief of Staff: "Commander, our army headquarters has been breached by the enemy. Why does the commander laugh? It's great that the superior knows! " "

Commander: "the chief of staff doesn't know, aren't we short of military expenses?" If the enemy captures our military station, the military expenditure will be there! " "

Chief of Staff: "Commander … What do you mean?"

Commander: "Ha-ha ... Three days ago, I secretly sold the land where our army was stationed to the developers and charged them 2.3 billion ..."

Just then, the guards came to report: "Report to your commander, Mr. Wang of Yida Real Estate asks for an audience. He said that he would pay 5 billion yuan for military expenses and let you help him recapture the land!"

Chief of staff: "high, really high."

My daughter-in-law is on a business trip, and she wants to video with me at night, saying that she will go to see her home. I scanned the camera of my mobile phone everywhere as instructed, and I feel glad that I didn't go out to have sex today.

When my daughter-in-law saw the mess, she laughed instead of anger and said, "I heard you took women home to fool around." It's like a kennel, so lazy bitches can stay ugly! "

After hanging up the phone, the woman behind me got angry and said angrily, "It's just that I was forced to hide everywhere. I admit that I am a lazy woman. Why should she call me ugly without foundation? "

6. The new leader will take office soon. My colleagues and I first said, "There is good news and bad news. Which do you listen to first? " "Listen first!" "We will be fortunate to welcome a female leader, saying that she can make the unit feel at home!"

"Oh, what's the bad news?"

The colleague said with a sad face: "This female leader is in charge of the unit as if she were in charge of her own home. She is not allowed to smoke and drink, and she is lazy to chat. She loves neatness and nagging, and always treats men as animals! "

7. A man often scores more than 200 points every time he goes bowling, and he often plays turkey. One day, he went bowling with his friends, but he missed the turkey for six rounds, so he was in a bad mood ... When he rode home, he kept wondering why he didn't shoot the turkey today. Halfway through the ride, he stopped at a red light. At that moment, a car stopped beside him. The driver rolled down the window and asked, Sir, do you have a lighter? He was very unhappy and replied: No! It's none of your business not to shoot turkey!

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