Three-person comic sketch or cross talk

I do not see any at all.

A: I am a martial arts practitioner.

B: Is there anyone as thin as you who practices martial arts?

You are an amateur now! Martial arts practitioners should be fat?

B: Then you are too thin!

A: I call it contraction, smallness, softness and cleverness, understand?

B: What have you practiced?

A: I have practiced weapons and fists.

B: What weapons have you practiced?

A: The weapons are: knives, guns, swords, halberds, axes, cymbals, hooks, forks, whips, mallets, hammers, grapples, boring, sticks, crutches and meteors. What are hooks, blades, spikes, thorns and Emei?

B: proficient?

A: It was too hasty.

B: Is it sloppy?

A: I am proficient in these. Eighteen weapons are in front of my eyes, and I can make them all the same. ...

B: Practice?

A: This is for sale.

Did you sell it?

A: Show off. You can lift it or put it down.

B: What have you practiced?

A: Boxing is divided into internal boxing and external boxing.

B: What is family boxing?

Answer: It is infinite, extreme, Tai Chi, two instruments, four images, form, meaning and gossip.

B: What about Waijiaquan?

A: Shaolin Temple Bouncing, Flower Boxing and Embroidering Legs, Dahong Boxing, Xiaohong Boxing, Eight Immortals Boxing, Lying on the Ground Boxing, Tongbei Boxing and Luohan Boxing. Long fist far away, short stroke near, small shelf monkey fist.

B: Hey!

A: Pay attention to investing in famous teachers to visit Gaoyou when practicing martial arts. I want to mention my master. His hometown is full of martial arts!

B: Where is it?

A: It's in the west of Beijing, in Hu Ling, in the west of Beijing.

B: Where?

A: Hu Ling.

Hu Ling? That place is full of zongzi, which is eaten on Duanyang Festival.

Oh, where do we sell zongzi?

B: Alas.

A: Where are you from?

Beijingers.

A: There is always cross talk in Beijing.

Who will listen to all the crosstalk?

We sell zongzi everywhere. Who will eat it?

He is waiting for me here!

Answer: Just mention my master's surname, not like selling zongzi.

What's your master's last name?

A: Jiang (Jiang), Jiang Zaoer.

B: Zongzi.

A: The nickname is Jiang Zaoer.

B: What's your name?

A: It's called Jiang Tianlong. Taught us two brothers: me and my brother.

What is your brother's name?

A: My brother's name is sugar, and my name is stuffing.

Okay, two jiaozi!

A: One day, my master sat upright in the front hall and called to our two brothers, "Ah, big disciple, ah, second disciple ..."

B: Why is disciple still pressing?

A: Press the tendons.

B: Zongzi.

A: My master said, "How are your brothers kung fu?"

What about you?

A: I said, "Master, we can do it."

B: OK?

A: My master said, "What? Okay？ Young, the milk hair has not retreated, and the yellow teeth are not dry. I dare say yes to sugar and stuffing, but I didn't say yes to glutinous rice dates! "

Well, three zongzi are quarrelling!

A: "Why don't you stop? I won't teach! " My master is leaving. When he left, he told us three important things.

What three things?

A: First, no road robbery.

What about the second one?

A: No stealing.

B: Third?

A: It is not allowed to be a bodyguard for corrupt officials.

What is a bodyguard?

A: At the beginning, the traffic was inconvenient, and the rich people were afraid of being robbed of gold and silver, so they had to pay for a strong man who knew martial arts to escort them. This is called a bodyguard.

B: Oh.

A: After the host told us, he went straight to the southeast with a fire. ...

B: Master Fox Fairy?

A: This is a description of my master's kung fu!

B: You can't walk with a fire when you have time!

A: Ah, my master got into the kang cave and disappeared!

This is yellow leather.

A: All wrong?

B: don't describe it at all!

A: With my master gone, we can't put kung fu aside and practice every day. One day, my brother and I were practicing. Someone called and opened the door. This man asked me with a box, "Do you have glutinous rice, sugar and stuffing here?" I said, "I'm stuffing something. There is sugar in it. Can I help you with it? "

B: A zongzi buyer?

No. I took the box and saw an invitation in it. Li, the shopkeeper, is a friend of the grain store outside Qianmen, Beijing, and asked us to protect the dart. Do you think we should go?

B: Go ahead!

A: My master made it very clear when he left: corrupt officials don't want bodyguards.

B: Then don't go.

But there are gifts for us in the box.

B: What?

A: Gold, silver and jewels. At that time, I said, "You go first, and our two brothers will go later." We made arrangements, packed our luggage and parcels the next day, took our personal belongings and went straight to the grain store outside the front door of Beijing. Arriving at the gate of the escort agency, heroes of all ages came out to meet them. They are heroes of three mountains and five mountains, heroes from all directions. It's really red as blood, white as snow, yellow as crab and black as iron. It's really called a neck stalk.

B: Hey!

A: Among them, an old dignitary in his 70s with white hair and beard flashed. Seeing our brother coming, he hurried forward and handed his fist: "I didn't know that the two brave men had arrived, but I didn't meet them far away." I ask you to forgive me face to face! "

What did you say?/Sorry?

I said, "How dare you? My family came regardless. Please forgive Master Tian! "

Sing "Huang Jintai"!

A: We greeted each other and went through the second door, facing five waiting rooms and eighty-three white marble steps. Instead of taking the stairs, the old official waved his fist at our brother and said, "Two brave men, please go upstairs and have a drink." Having said that, look at this old official again. When turning over his clothes, he made a "swallow drilling clouds"-hey! Get up!

B: Hey!

A: This is called training us. If we go upstairs again, we will trip!

B: Yes.

A: My brother stood there motionless and winked at me, which meant to tell me to get ready. He will pull onions from the dry land. Go up, too!

B: It's up to you!

A: I didn't take it to heart. I went back three steps, beep, beep, beep! Hit three whirlwind feet, whoosh, rub! Jin Da went to the house!

B: Everyone has gone to the house!

Have the shoes been delivered to the house?

Those shoes have no spikes.

B: I'm sure I've become a big silly boy!

A: I said, "Somebody! Move the ladder enough shoes! "

B: Moving a ladder?

A: Nobody cares about me! As a result, I moved a ladder myself When I entered the room, I saw a table of whole lamb dishes.

He wants to eat so much!

A: After three rounds of wine and five flavors of food, the old official said to him with his fist, "Two strong men, I wonder if I should say something decent?" I said, "If you have something to say, please say it in person." The official said, "You two brothers were invited this time, but there are still three darts left. Now there are east darts, south darts and north darts, but there are too many thieves and robbers in the west. I wonder if the two brave men can guarantee it? " I said, "Shut up, what do you mean? Don't let the thief down a peg or two and destroy our brother's spirit. Aren't there thieves in the west? "

B: Ah!

A: Go east!

B: Go east!

A: Ah, east, west.

B: that's called a welcome thief!

A: Having said that, when we went downstairs, the old dignitary was still lecturing us. He let the swallow sweep the water three times-brush, brush, brush like four ounces of cotton. My brother doesn't care at all. He stood by the window, his face facing inward, his back to the water, his head down and his feet up. He made a "swallow turn over the well" three feet from the ground and a "somersault" on the cloud, with his feet on the ground, his upper body not shaking and his lower body not shaking.

B: This is Kung Fu.

A: I hit the top and hugged my head: Ji Li is an ancient octupole!

B: What's the matter?

I broke it on the stairs!

Is it broken?

A: My name is 10 rolls on the spot and Yan Qing 18 turns, all by wrist, hip, elbow and knee.

B: He always has something to say!

A: When I went downstairs, the old dignitary said, Please make you two sweat!

B: What do you mean by sweating?

A: Just look at our martial arts level. At that time, my brother saw 18 kinds of weapons in the middle of the yard. He reached for a big gun, but he couldn't call it all guns. Seven feet is a gun, Qi Mei is a stick, and the big gun is 10.08 inch, one inch long, one inch small and one inch smart. The big gun is the father of all weapons, the broadsword is the mother of all weapons, and the spear is the thief of all weapons. My brother practiced liuhe gun.

B: What's a Liuhe gun?

A: The inside is three in one, and the outside is three in one.

B: Three in one?

A: Heart, qi and gallbladder.

B: Three in one?

A: Hands, feet and eyes.

Hmm.

A: There are praises as evidence: the eyebrows are a little centripetal, the navel and belly are stabbed three times, the four coquettish, the knees are six feet and five times, and the shoulders are seven times. The thorn is a gun, the rinse is a stick, the front handle is a gun, and the back handle is a rudder. The big pole takes up six words: collapse, poke, press, cover, pick and stab. After the practice, everyone applauded! He's finished. Look at me. I can't practice guns anymore.

B: Why?

I want to practice my gun again. It's called "thousands of people eat noodles."

B: Huh? Thousands of people eat noodles. How big is that pot? That's called "a thousand people"

A: That's right. I don't practice guns. I reached for a knife. Look at your hand with a single knife, your elbow with a double knife, and your hand with a big knife. I'll fight at night to hide the knife. I'm stretched here.

B: How about that?

A: It's my turn to show my face.

B: Why?

A: There is a cloud in my head. Brush brush, it's raining!

B: then don't practice, yellow land. It's especially slippery when it rains. What should you do if you slip?

A: I lost my kung fu when I slipped. I have kung fu. In addition, when practicing knives, I pay great attention to weather resistance. I can go up and down, and I can go left and right, but I can't see anyone when I see the knife. I practiced like a mountain of knives, running down the knife and looking at my clothes, not even a drop of rain!

B: Where do you practice knives in the yard?

A: I'm sheltering from the rain!

B: What about shelter from the rain? Where is the knife?

I left my knife in the yard!

B: No wonder you can't see anyone when you see a knife!

A: In this way, everyone cheered: "All right-"

B: Good Dao!

A: "Good shelter from the rain!"

B: Hey! This is not good for you!

A: I don't care!

B: it's all damaged!

A: After practicing the knife, the official said, "Please check the darts!"

What is the dart test?

Just want to see what we cover. We went to the backyard and only looked at the size of 24 stacks of Huang Chengcheng under the north eaves (hands are about one foot in diameter).

B: Gold bullion?

A: Old pumpkin.

Pumpkin! I don't need your guarantee. I will choose to go.

You look like a pumpkin. What is this pumpkin?

B: Gold?

A: Noodles.

B: Noodles! This water is not delicious.

You look like a pumpkin. Cut it open with a knife and look inside-

B: Gold, silver and jewels?

A: There are pumpkin seeds.

B: What else?

A: You even dig out the seed tape and look inside-

B: There are gold, silver and jewels!

A: Empty pumpkins.

B: Nonsense!

A: Empty pumpkins are useful. Take pearls, agates, jadeites and diamonds. The last one is gold. Wrap it in red cotton paper, put it in a pumpkin and serve it with bamboo sticks. The loess mud is tired of sewing outside. This is called pumpkin dart, which is a kind of dark dart. We knew we were bodyguards, but we didn't know we sold pumpkins.

B: Yes.

Answer: Escort the escort van out of Zhangyimen, get off the suspension bridge, go to Yang Jiyuan, Sanyi Temple, Wuxian God of Wealth Temple, Xiaojing, Dajing, Feicheng, Lugouqiao, Changxindian, Liangxiang, Xiaosisan, Dashisan, Hong En Temple, Doudian, Liu Lihe, Xuanpingpo, and get off Kaner to Zhuozhou. It will be dark, depending on my brother. I said, no, I have to have a good reputation as a bodyguard for the first time.

B: Why?

A: Go for the night. Go out to Zhuozhou for more than forty miles, just look at Huangsha Port in front of you. There is a dense pine forest there. Just listen: bang! Whistling arrow, cheep! Whistling and beating gongs is great!

B: What's the matter?

A: A thief is robbing an armored car!

B: What about that?

A: We will take charge of the dart car, and our two brothers will take the lead. Look at the opposite Woods, and there will be more than 40 subordinates, each with a flower towel wrapped around his head and a cross, a hero belt, a crotch roll and a short knife in his hand.

What did you say?/Sorry?

A: "Well! I opened this mountain, planted this tree, and someone passed by and stayed to buy money for the road. Half of the teeth are broken and say no, kill each other with a stick, regardless of burial! "

B: It's amazing!

How is he? Look at my brother again. Put the stirrups on your feet. Poop!

B: Let's go!

A: I dropped it!

B: Afraid!

A: I am angry!

B: Angry?

A: That's very good. I said, "If I have something to do, why kill the chicken with a knife?" When I die! "

B: Hey! That's called "catching a thief doesn't die a natural death!"

A: Yes, "Pull me ..."

B: Well, riding is too slow. How can you ride an ox?

I ride an ox. Didn't Sun Bin, the grandson of the first seven countries, ride an ox?

What kind of cow is that?

A: What cow?

That's a magical cow.

A: This is Niu Bao.

B: What a treasure cow?

A: I have fed it.

Are you full?

Answer: "Lift my pole!"

Why are you carrying a pole? Go into battle with a knife and a gun.

I made the pole older. Shi Xiu, desperate Saburo in the water margin, didn't I set a benchmark in the battle neutrality?

B: There is a gun in my shoulder pole.

A: I also have a gun in this pole.

I live in a bright silver gun.

A: I have a powder gun here.

B: powder gun!

I have a spear here.

B: Oh.

A: I ride a pole and lead a cow.

B: Huh? It's called riding an ox on a pole ... I was wrong, too! It's called riding an ox and carrying a pole.

A: Yes, I came to the front of the two armies, shook my abdomen and shouted, "Thief! Grandpa thief! "

Grandpa, what's your name?

Watch your language. Did he let me go?

B: That's not true.

The cruel thief gave me a stick without asking his name!

What about you?

A: At that time, when my shoulder pole went up, I made a "cross iron gate bolt" and clicked!

B: You knocked out the stick!

My shoulder pole is broken!

B: it's broken!

A: Well, the pole was broken, the weapon was exposed, the fireworks were in hand, and the thief made a mistake. ...

B: That's a mistake for two horses!

A: Am I not riding an ox?

Ah, yes!

A: When our cattle and horses make mistakes, I will give them a "comeback".

B: that's called making a comeback ... ah, you are riding an ox!

A: This thief is an old hand. As soon as he hit back, the gun head grabbed my gun shaft. He took it from him and I took it from me. He said, "Bring it!" I said, "Here you are!"

How can I give it to him?

I am not as strong as him!

B: Good!

A: I'm unarmed. Run!

B: That's right!

A: I can't run! The thief came and held his head with another stick. I hugged my head and said, "Alas, my life is over!" "

B: Wait for death!

A: I am happy again!

B: Why?

A: I have a pair of guards on my back. As soon as I looked up, I touched the handle. At that time, both knives were pulled out. He didn't see the moldy thief. My left hand knife sealed the thief's stick, and my right hand knife made a "fishing for the moon in the sea." I heard a bang, red light splashed, blood gushed out and my big head rolled on the ground. ...

Did you kill the thief?

I killed that cow!

B: Kill the cow!