Appreciation of Liu Jiangbin's Prose in "Miscellaneous Notes of Life"

My father’s twilight years

In my eyes, my father’s twilight years were not marked by his retirement, but by an event or a scene.

It was when I was returning home during the winter vacation of my senior year in college. I took a long-distance bus from Shijiazhuang to the county seat. When I got off the bus, I was stunned for a moment. My father was standing there holding the bicycle. It was very cold, with a biting north wind blowing. My father's face was a little red from the cold, and a few strands of white hair (his hair had always been very dark) were blown up by the wind. He was wearing a thick cotton coat, and his body looked bloated and slightly slim. Somewhat rickety. This was the first time my father came to pick me up at the station, when I was about to graduate from college. My nose was a little sore and my throat was choked. Suddenly I felt that my father was old, really old.

Growing up, as my father’s sixth child, I felt that my father’s “kindness” was too little. My father has been the director of the County Culture and Education Bureau for 18 years. It has been so long that he has become a symbolic figure. He seems to be working and busy all the time, and he is relatively indifferent to his family, and I, the youngest, are no exception. One time, I, a primary school student, was talking happily at the dinner table when suddenly two lines of mucus flowed out of my nose at an inappropriate time. My father immediately yelled at me: "Wipe your nose!" It was like a wake-up call, and my excitement was immediately dampened. I went back, wiped my nose obediently, and suddenly became wilted, and my little self-esteem was slightly hurt. So I still remember it deeply. In my eyes, my father is a serious, serious and even somewhat rigid person. There is very little communication between father and son. My father was an old revolutionary who worked before the founding of the People's Republic of China. After going through the retirement procedures, I never thought about whether he felt lonely or sad, nor did I feel any change in him.

My father suddenly came to pick me up at the station, which made me "flattered". The time scale suddenly "clicked" here, and I suddenly realized that my father was old.

The old father is more like his father. He began to become gentle and kind, and often had a smile on his face. You care about your children and enjoy the joy of having grandchildren. When his grandson called him "Grandpa," he responded loudly, his voice twisted, and he smiled happily. My mother sometimes went out to play cards with a group of old ladies, and my father would cook at home and wait for her to come back, without any complaints. After I work, my father is very happy every time I come home. If I don’t come back for a long time, he will ask my mother to call me.

After his retirement, his father had two major hobbies: playing croquet and chess. I still don’t understand the rules of croquet. My parents live at my second brother's house, and there is a gateball court 50 meters west of the house. Many times when I went back to my hometown, I saw my father playing croquet with a group of retired old men at the stadium. Sometimes, when my father saw me, he happily shouted: "No more, no more, my third child is back." An old man asked: " "Lao Liu, what can you cook when you are the third child?" Father said loudly: "Make dumplings!" Father always talks loudly. Because he was deaf in old age, I later bought him a hearing aid, but he still liked to talk loudly and it became a habit. When my father passed away, we put his croquet racket in his coffin, as well as the Shanghai brand watch that he had worn for many years. On the eve of the funeral, I held a vigil in the coffin set up on the street in my hometown village. I caressed the coffin. In the dead of night and the silence, I seemed to hear the watch still clicking, and I couldn't help but burst into tears.

My father played chess and had an old chess friend named Lao Dong, a retired teacher from County No. 1 Middle School. This old director had a brain tumor and was not very fluent in speech, but he was still a good chess player. He was on par with his father, and he didn't give in too much. I come home to play chess with my father every other day, almost rain or shine. He used to be his father's subordinate, but now they are two old men on equal terms, often arguing over the outcome. One time I was at home and watching the battle. Old Dong's army was pressing on the border, and my father was in danger. Old Dong hummed a little tune, picked up the car, and said, "Jiang!" His father blushed, grabbed Old Dong's car, and said loudly: "You are a fool, your car can turn corners!" Lao Dong was not in a hurry. He took a closer look and muttered: "Ah, it's a series." I laughed at the side. Sometimes I would play two games with my father. He still seemed to regard me as an old boss, very serious, and always worth every penny.

My father was not lonely in his later years. There were many relatives at home. My brothers and sisters were all in the county, and they kept coming and going every day. My father's unit subscribed to each veteran cadre's newspaper and magazine. My father subscribed to my newspaper and a senior magazine. He was deaf and rarely watched television, so newspapers became his main source of information about the outside world. When he saw interesting things, he also told them to his mother.

Years are passing like a fleeting time, and the days are passing like this day by day. After I was transferred from Xingtai to work in Shijiazhuang, I still visited my parents in my hometown once a month or so. My parents were getting old and the day they left us was getting closer and closer. As the days passed for more than a month, the pressure in my heart accumulated little by little, to the point where I couldn't bear to leave. It was time to go back to my hometown, immediately!

In the early winter of 2002, my father came to Shijiazhuang to see a doctor because he had eczema on his hands. There are five or six jujube trees planted in the yard of my hometown village, which produce several bags of red dates every year. Harvesting is a joyful thing, but drying for a long time is troublesome. When the sun is good, it spreads on the roof and requires constant stirring. My father's hands may have become diseased as a result. I saw his hands were swollen, and some of his fingers had cracks on them, and I felt distressed. I took him to the Fourth Provincial Hospital to see a doctor and get some medicine. My father is not a squeamish person. If he feels unwell, he will carry it if he can. He usually does not bother his children. He often told his mother that our children all have jobs and are busy, so we should try our best to stay in good health and not cause trouble to our children. Having worked as an educator all his life, my father was well-known for his benevolence and kindness. He was very polite even to his own children and never dictated what I should do. My father was 75 years old this year. He came with his old mother and did not let the children accompany him. What I deeply regret to this day is that I didn’t have my own house at that time, so I rented two rooms, which were relatively cramped. After I finished my treatment, my parents went back the same day and couldn’t stay there for a day. The following summer, I finally had my own spacious house, but my father could never live in it. Less than two months after returning from medical treatment, my father, who had always been in good health, suddenly became seriously ill. He was hospitalized for a week and then bid farewell to this world forever. At that time, I could never have imagined that there would be unforeseen events in the sky, misfortunes and misfortunes would happen to people, and things in the world would be unpredictable, so there was nothing I could do about it!

My father’s evening scene is not like late-blooming flowers or the glow of the western sky, but more like the century-old jujube tree in our home. Although the tree is mottled and even cracked, it can quietly bloom every year. The trees are full of red dates. Today, my father has left us for 10 years, but like that old jujube tree, he is still alive in our lives and still produces sweet red dates.

Family love lasts forever

My mother is lost.

The whole family was in chaos, looking everywhere. I rushed back to my hometown in a hurry, and turned on the TV in a state of confusion. There was a news broadcast: an old lady was walking to Xingtai to visit her children and grandchildren. She accidentally fell into the water while walking to Ren County and was rescued. In the picture, an old lady is lying on a mat. She is my mother!

I rushed to the scene of the accident in Ren County and saw my mother lying on the mat, all wet. I knelt beside my mother and shouted: "Mother, mother!" My mother opened her eyes, her eyes were cloudy. He looked at me with his eyes, touched my face, and said, "Son." I burst into tears!

I woke up crying. It turned out to be a dream, and my body was still sobbing. I touched my face with my hands and forgot whether there were tears.

It has been 6 years since my mother left us, and 12 years since my father passed away. After all these years, I still meet them in my dreams from time to time. As the saying goes, what you think about every day is what you dream about at night, but I didn’t think of them or mention them during the day, but I still dreamed about them at night. I marveled that the code of bloodline is deeply rooted in the subconscious mind, constantly appearing and releasing at night. I am grateful for the existence of dreams, which bring my deceased parents back to life again, just like the past, the daily life at home, trivial but stable. In the dream, I was happy and happy. I was no longer an orphan who lost my parents. I could still live happily in front of my parents, or even return to a carefree era. Su Dongpo said that life is like a dream. In fact, can we distinguish between dreams and reality, which is real and which is illusory?

Sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, I find that I look more and more like my father, and sometimes I can vaguely see my mother’s face. If you think about it carefully, their individual lives have ended, but they not only still live in the hearts and dreams of our children, but also in our lives. Their lives actually continue in their children. We have their blood in our bodies, we have faces that look exactly like theirs, and even our temperaments, personalities, and living habits are so stubbornly similar. Their genes are deposited in our bodies, just like crops are harvested one after another, but they leave behind seeds and reproduce from generation to generation.

Why do I often dream about my parents? Is it that I miss them? Or do they care about me? Although the yin and yang are no longer in the same world, the family relationship will not be interrupted suddenly. Every bit of time is stored deep in our lives and becomes a lifetime memory, lasting and lasting. The umbilical cord can be cut, but blood and family ties cannot be blocked regardless of thousands of miles or yin and yang.

After my father passed away, I wished my mother could live for a long time. As long as she is here, even if she is bedridden, I have a mother and I am not an orphan. As long as I have a mother, I will still be a child until I am seventy or eighty years old. As long as you have a mother, your hometown is still home, and your hometown is no longer your hometown. Parents are a firewall of life and death. As long as they are around, we will not get sick, we cannot get sick, we dare not get sick, we are not qualified to get sick, and the issue of death is even more out of the question. Now that they were gone, we seemed suddenly exposed to fire and no longer protected. When parents are in their prime and strong, they are their children's heaven, a big tree that provides shade and rain, and an old hen that protects their chicks. As they age and frail, although they need their children's care and service, they are still together psychologically. safety valve.

Think about it, when parents are both here, it is really the happiest and happiest time in life. After having a small family of my own, returning to my hometown on time has become my biggest concern. Every time I go home, I bring my wife and the baby, make big and small bags, play chess with my father, and make dumplings with my mother. It’s warm, harmonious, and enjoyable. There are old people at the top and young people at the bottom. This is the most complete life structure and the best years of life. Once you become old, it means you become an orphan, or you become old.

Writer Zhang Jie wrote a long prose "The person who loved me most in the world is gone", which was about her mother. I understand and appreciate her use of the word "most painful" to describe mother's love. In fact, it can also be said to be the love of parents. Who loves you the most in your life, long or short? Favorite you? What cares about you most? Only parents. Diplomat Li Zhaoxing said that in the eyes of the world, I am ugly, but in the eyes of my mother, I am the most beautiful person in the world. Children are always the treasure in the palm of their parents' hands. Parents can endure the greatest hardships, suffer the greatest sins, and even trade their lives for their children, without any regrets or conditions. From the time they are born and babbling, to growing up and starting a family, children are always in the sight of their parents and are a lifelong concern. There is a saying in "The Book of Songs": "My father gave birth to me, and my mother bowed to me. He raised me, raised me, and nurtured me. He cared for me, returned to me, and went in and out of his belly. The virtues that I want to repay are the best." It is sincere and good. !

In the ancient "Five Ethics", apart from "king and ministers", the relationship between father (mother) and child (daughter) is ranked first. Brothers can be at odds with each other, and couples can be strangers to each other. Even if there are extreme cases of father and son turning against each other, the blood relationship between father and son is destined to be irreconcilable, irreversible, and irreversible.

Freud said that dreams are the fulfillment of wishes. It has been so many years since my parents passed away, and I often dream about them, which reflects the deep longing for them in my heart. I once asked my eldest brother if he often had such dreams like me, and he said no. Among the six children of my parents, I am the youngest and the eldest brother is the eldest. There is an 18-year age difference between us, which means that we were born to the same parents. The eldest brother and his parents have been alive for 18 years longer than me! Time has given me a debt, so I let the form of dreams make up for it and continue it endlessly. I hope that this kind of dream can continue for a long time. If there is an afterlife, I can continue to be a son to my parents.

Grandfather

A loud baby cry announces the birth of a new life. The birth of this little thing crowned me with a laurel crown: grandfather.

From being a father to becoming an ancestor, the growth rings of time are expanding and advancing in circles like this, and cannot be stopped. Looking at the pink and jade-carved hozen (my grandson is a monkey), I deeply feel the magic of life. I have a mysterious connection with this little life. Life is endless from generation to generation, and the waves behind the Yangtze River push the waves ahead.

When we were waiting outside the delivery room, and the nurse finally opened the small window and told her it was a boy, I couldn't help but shake my fist and said, "Oh yeah!" My son said to me, your wish has come true. It’s not that I favor boys over girls, I’m not that stubborn in my consciousness, but deep down I do prefer boys. As a grandfather, I hope that he will be a “little ancestor” in the future.

Thinking of myself. I never met my grandfather because he was no longer alive when I was born.

Therefore, for me, my grandfather is just a vague symbol. I only know that his name is Liu Xijue, but this name is extraordinary, even though he is just a farmer. I never heard my father talk about his father and grandfather. I only heard half of it from my mother and eldest brother. My grandfather was a very capable man with a bad temper, and he was considered the number one figure in the village. He liked to meddle in other people's affairs and fight against injustices. But my father and uncle are both gentle, honest and kind-hearted. I can’t imagine that their father has a violent temper. He must have inherited more of my grandmother’s genes. One of my grandfather's greatest contributions was to provide for their youngest son, my father, to go to school, eat public food, and become a national cadre.

My father was fortunate enough to become a great-grandfather, that is, he enjoyed the happiness of four generations living under one roof. But I found that the closest thing to him is his grandson, and he seems to be much less affectionate towards his great-grandson. The so-called "kissing" among the people is reasonable. After two generations, the intensity of family affection is diluted. It may be because people are getting older and the younger generation has too many branches and leaves and lacks energy. Every time I take my son back to my hometown and my son calls him grandpa, his answer is full of twists and turns, and he is obviously happy. When my son was born, my father wrote a dozen names on paper for me to choose from, but I didn't choose any of them. He didn't care, and was still very interested.

Now I am also a grandfather. It took several years for this grandfather to go through a psychological process. At first, he was repulsive and refused. In his heart, he wanted to delay his son's progress in getting married and having children. As the folk proverb goes, children are born in the father's shoes, and the cloth is on the shoes. The meaning is very clear. Being a grandfather means that a person is old and useless. And I am young and strong, in my prime, and I don’t want to become a waste early. A few years ago, a female writer said to me, Liu Jiangbin, if you come here with your grandson in your arms, we won’t play with you! My son is 29 years old this year. My oldest son is already in elementary school. How can I prevent him from becoming a father? Therefore, I am full of joy to welcome the arrival of my grandson, a grandfather who is still full of enthusiasm, energy and motivation.

Life is like this. Each stage has its own scenery. Try to live as wonderfully as possible in each stage to form a complete and perfect life. Now when I get home from get off work, the first thing I do is to see my grandson, give him a hug, and tease him. If his grandson smiles, my grandfather's heart is like a flower blooming.

Naming of a grandson

The whole family is happy when a grandson is born. An important task fell on me as a newly promoted grandfather, which was to name my grandson.

A person's name is a big deal. It will follow the person like a shadow throughout his life, and the meaning of the name will contain hints that affect the person's destiny. Therefore, naming your child must not be careless or casual. Once I saw the news, a corrupt official named Ma Genqi was arrested. Look, he was uprooted and returned immediately. Can he get better? Of course this is a joke, but you should be careful when choosing a name.

When naming my grandson, I set a few principles. First, it must be two characters, because single characters are easy to repeat; second, it must be simple and easy to recognize, and cannot be uncommon characters; third, try to avoid popular characters. , it is said that there are countless newborns named "Zi Han" now; the fourth is that it has a code, which is meaningful; the fifth is that the third character must be raised, and there is no need to remove the voice.

My eldest brother and second brother’s grandsons both have the character “ze” in their name. Therefore, the grandson’s name already has the character “ze” and I can only choose the third character. This brings great limitations to naming, and there is little room for maneuvering. "Ze" means moistness, luster, color, etc. Names like "Zedong" and "Zemin" are grand and meaningful. From the perspective of the Five Elements, Liu comes from metal, and Ze comes from water. From the theory of metal producing water and water producing wood, the third character should contain the word "wood", and Sun Tzu is a monkey, and monkeys like wood, so it was decided to start with "wood". "Look inside the words. I read through many classic poems and articles, looking for the connection between the word "ze" and the word "wood", and found a few, but none of them had a good meaning. Simply looking for it from the word "wood" is almost unsatisfactory.

It’s difficult. Only then did I understand that the ancient saying “it takes ten months to hesitate to establish a name” is true. But it’s been a week since the baby was born, so he can’t remain a “nobody” forever. On Saturday morning, I found classic works such as "Laozi", "Zhuangzi", "The Analects", "Mencius", "Chu Ci", "The Book of Songs", etc., and prepared to do a big job. First, take out "Laozi". The opening chapter says: "Tao can be Tao, but it is not Tao. It can be named, but it is not named. Wu is named the beginning of heaven and earth; existence is named the mother of all things. Therefore, there is always nothing, and I want to see its wonder; there is always , I want to observe its performance. These two have the same origin but different names. They are both called xuan.

"I suddenly had an idea, and my eyes lit up. "Liu Zeming" stood out! There was no place to look for after breaking through the iron shoes, and it took no effort to get it. There was no need to read a bunch of classic books prepared. "Tao" and "name" They are two key words in the "Tao Te Ching". "Name" is the externalization of "Tao". Although the wonderful way is difficult to describe, it can always be conveyed by name. Everything must have a name to be recognized by the world. For example, people must It is necessary to have a name to establish a connection with the world. "Name" is really important, and name can be understood as moisturizing the famous things, or making the name shiny and gorgeous in the world.

From then on, There is a Liu Zeming in the world.