What impact will a person's past experience have on his life?
The book "The Power of Habit" writes: Thoughts determine behavior, behavior determines habits, habits determine character, and character determines destiny.
Everyone in the world is a different individual. What is the difference?
In psychology, human characteristics are divided into personality and temperament. Temperament is innate and unchangeable, while personality is acquired and can be changed and influenced through habits.
Temperaments are divided into phlegmatic, sanguine, melancholic and choleric. These types have a fixed tendency. For example, people with phlegmatic temperament are more likely to be quiet and steady, sanguine temperament tends to be lively and active, depressive temperament people are sentimental, and choleric temperament people are impulsive and enthusiastic.
It can be said that temperament is brought from the mother's womb. It is highly genetic and retains the genes of the parents' generation.
Character comes from thoughts, and the sources of thoughts also include two aspects. One is the family, and the other is the influence of other aspects of society during the growth process, such as teachers, classmates, friends, or colleagues, etc. These two aspects of thought have been repeatedly verified and settled in their past experiences.
His parents were the key influencing factors in his early life. Whether the relationship between his parents was harmonious, whether he was given an elite education or a stick education, and what his parents’ social behavior style was, all played a role in his development. It laid the foundation for his future character and even his destiny.
The impact of school and society is also huge. If the school encounters bullying or sexual assault, it will severely damage his fate.
A more extreme example is Taiwanese female writer Lin Yihan. She ended her life because she did not get over her own experience, which is very sad. She could have had a bright future, become a famous writer, and live a life of wealth and freedom.
Family of origin is a social issue that has been talked about a lot recently. In some forums, micro-communities called "Parents are a disaster" have been publicly established. Here, everyone can speak freely and express their dissatisfaction with their parents. If I am going to participate in the debate, I think I should also stand for those who have suffered trauma from their families of origin, because I have also gone through these traumas.
In a psychological training class, the instructor asked each of us to write down the personality characteristics of our parents and ourselves, at least three, and write whatever came to mind. As a result, I was surprised to find that my parents and I have strikingly similar personalities. It can be seen how important the original family is in shaping the child's character.
Many times, I will complain and be in pain, unable to accept myself or make peace with myself. Because the character I have formed has restricted my development in many ways, brought me all kinds of inner conflicts, and made me unable to be happy.
Japanese writer Kotaro Isaka said: “It’s horrifying to think that you don’t need to pass an exam to be a parent.”
This determines that none of us can escape the family of origin. Puzzled.
If parents are reasonable, kind-hearted, far-sighted, and have a higher social status, that would be really enviable. If you are unfortunate enough to be born into a violent family and are vulgar and stupid, you will only be disappointed.
But otherwise, would it really be impossible to turn over? Do these experiences really determine a person's fate? Is there a third way to escape from the established life route and lead a different life? It seems that we can only re-evaluate our thoughts ideologically and ultimately change our destiny.
There is a saying that goes well, if you don’t participate in your own destiny, you can only repeat the pain.
I once heard a story about a man who was imprisoned in a concentration camp during the Nazi rampage and suffered inhumane torture. His parents, wife and children were all massacred. He was lucky to be one of the few survivors. one. This experience must have been very painful. Could it be that he would spend the rest of his life with resentment? No, he wrote a book called "The Pursuit of the Meaning of Life". This person is Dr. Frank, a famous psychologist in Vienna.
When determining the meaning of life in his book, he also faced up to and summarized the "survival frustrations" we face today. He believed that the emptiness of existence caused by the sense of meaninglessness and emptiness is the core of modern society. The reason why people in this era cannot see clearly or cannot see the meaning of life, advocates that "no matter how miserable the situation is, we have the responsibility to find a meaning for life - this is the essence of his "logotherapy". Frank not only provides us with The crux of the problem was pointed out and a solution was found.”
Finding the meaning of life, re-understanding every experience in your life, and taking control of your own destiny is probably the only way to change your destiny when you are in trouble.