Ask for a very, very funny joke
1: There was a lazy man who didn't take a bath for several years. One day, he walked to the grave with the village. Unfortunately, he met a female ghost and couldn't leave. It's just that when the lazy man pulls something out of his underwear and throws it at the female ghost, the female ghost immediately wails and falls back again and again. The village was curious about what kind of musical instrument it was. When I looked forward, it was actually a smelly sock.
A person is scared to death when he meets a ghost at night. When he died, his mouth squinted, his eyes popped out, he was foaming at the mouth, his tongue hung over his shoulder, and his face was extremely terrible. The ghost took a closer look and vomited-
3. An old man was hospitalized and was critically ill several times. Late at night, everyone was sleepy and fell asleep. The nurse woke up the next morning and shouted, "Mom, I overslept and forgot to change the infusion bottle!" " "The doctor also shouted," oh, my god! I overslept and forgot to give first aid. The family also woke up: "Oh, my God! "How can you still be alive if you don't change the drip and give first aid all night?" At this time, a gloomy voice came: "God-I overslept and forgot to be heady."
4. Hades asked Gouhun Guan, why Gouhun is uneven, and there are many longevity stars in the mountains and forests. Gouhun Guan faltered and said, "It's too far. It's very tiring to go there."
5: A woman has just given birth to a son, and her family members are surrounded by the bed. Suddenly, the child shouted, "Grandpa!" Grandpa suddenly fainted, and the child shouted again: "Uncle!" " I saw my uncle fall to the ground at once. The child shouted again: "Dad!" His father immediately closed his eyes and died, but he was fine for a long time. When he opened his eyes, his uncle was dead.
6: An evil man passed by the grave and saw a group of jack-o'-lantern floating on a grave. So he picked up a stone and threw it away, only to hear the ghost fire floating to another grave with a muffled sound. The fierce man repeatedly attacked, and suddenly someone shouted at the grave: "Who! What the fuck! ? I can't even shit. I have been hit by cigarettes three times. "
At seven o'clock, my brother ran all night and met a girl in white, who looked like a virgin. My brother is a little scared. After asking the address, he drove so fast that he didn't dare to look behind all the way. When he got to the place, he looked back. There was no one in the car, only a big white doll. My brother didn't dare to throw it out of the window and went home in a hurry. The next day, when he went to work, he heard a colleague say, "A female passenger told you that she was yesterday."
8. In the past, when making a phone call, I inserted my finger into a perforated disc and dialed the number. Xiaoming's home phone number is 44444444. One day in the middle of the night, the phone of 12 rang, and Xiao Ming picked up the receiver. The other end of the phone said in a sad voice, "Is it 4444444? Can you call 1 10 for me? I am so miserable! -Xiao Ming: "Go find someone else to help you, not me! "The man:" I can only call 44444444, but I can't call others. "Xiao Ming hung up the phone in fear and could only call 44444444? Is it a ghost? ! ! ! After a while, the phone rang again, and Xiao Ming didn't dare to answer it. But the phone kept ringing-Xiao Ming had to answer it. It's the same person: "Excuse me, is it 44444444? "Can you call 1 10 for me? My finger is stuck on key 4. It's too bad-"
9: One night, in the girls' dormitory, a girl was taking a bath. Suddenly, there was a cold wind, and a female ghost floated behind her. The female ghost patted her on the shoulder and said, "I-I'm so miserable!" I have no long face! ! ! "Girl:" What's the big deal? " Ghost: "What do you mean?" The girl turned around calmly and said to the female ghost, "I am worse, I have no breasts!" " ! ! "
10: I used to rent a house. The rent of this house is incredibly high, but only after I moved in did I know that there was a couple living here before I came. One day, I don't know why they quarreled all night, and no one has seen that woman since. And that person disappeared after redecorating the room. Neighbors have noticed that this man always cuts the wall at night. So they all think that the girl was killed by a man and the body was built in the wall. Knowing this, my back feels cold. When I got back to my apartment, I checked everywhere. Finally, I stared at a suspicious water stain on the opposite wall. The more I see it, the more it looks like a person's shape. I'm scared and curious. Finally, I grabbed a screwdriver and dug up the wall. Finally, I dug a small hole. Then I saw an eye looking at me, and I was so scared that I fell on the ground. That one. ? "
1 1: One night, a girl went back to the teaching building to get something. The teaching building has only dim lights. When she went to the toilet on the third floor, a hoarse voice suddenly came from the door of the toilet: "I have been waiting for you for a long time!" " The girl's scalp was numb, and she turned away at the thought of ghosts. The voice behind him suddenly became angry: "Come back quickly! ! I don't know, that bastard propped up the toilet door, and I can't get out! "
12: My husband and friends went home to sleep after drinking. The next morning, the husband whispered to his wife, "Wife, I met a ghost last night." "hmm? Where did you meet him? " "In the toilet." "What's the matter?" "When I went to the toilet last night, the light turned on automatically as soon as I opened the door, and it went out automatically as soon as I closed the door. There was a sinister wind blowing." My wife said angrily, "Bastard! You drank too much and went to the refrigerator to pee again! %#￥ - "
13: Men are born timid. One day, he worked late and didn't come home. He only caught the last bus. He was very tired because he worked overtime for a day, and soon fell asleep. After a while, he woke up and looked around. Oh, my God! ! There is no one around. The driver, conductor and passengers have all left just now. He is busy looking out of the car, and the car is still driving slowly! @#$%^%^^&； He jumped in despair! Then he heard a roar from the back of the car: "Shit! You want to fall to death! " Looking back, the driver, conductor and passengers are pushing the car hard.
14: In a remote village, there is a straight telephone pole on a narrow path. Strange to say, people often have accidents there. Not long ago, a young man and a young woman were killed by a truck. One night, a five-year-old child and his mother passed by on their way home. The child suddenly said, "Mom! ! Look! There are two people on the telephone pole. " Mother immediately felt creepy and saw the child pointing at it. Mother looked up and saw a sign on the telephone pole, which read: Everyone is responsible for traffic safety!
15: A brother pulled an all-night train. When he saw a woman waving, he asked her to get on the bus. The woman seemed very friendly and handed him a very red apple. As soon as the driver took it, he heard the woman say, "I liked apples very much before my death." "Wow&; * $ # @. "The driver turned pale when he heard the sudden braking-I saw the woman slowly put her head in front and said to the driver," But I don't like it after giving birth. "
16: I have been stepping on the accelerator to speed up because I want to get on the overpass. When he found an old woman crossing the road ahead, it was too late to brake! I saw the old woman lying on the road in front of the car, motionless beside her, a pile of intestines and red blood oozing out-some people started screaming-some people were speechless. My brother is pale and can't move in his seat. Suddenly, the old woman stood up trembling, took out a broken plastic bag and said, "How can I eat the intestines I just bought?"
17: One night, a brother saw a long-haired shawl and a woman in white waved to him, so he stopped to let her get on the bus. Because he has just watched the ghost film, he often watches the woman with the rearview mirror. It was open, but suddenly the driver found that the woman was gone! The driver got a fright and quickly stepped on a brake! I saw the woman appeared again, her face covered with blood. The driver screamed with fear. Just then, the woman said, "Hey! Master, I was just afraid of being embarrassed by you, so I bent down and dug a nostril. Who told you to brake so hard? Look! I have a nosebleed! "
18: A person goes to the countryside to play, and his relatives tell him that there are ghosts in the toilet here, but as long as you don't accept ghost things, ghosts won't hurt you. At night, the man had no choice but to have diarrhea and went to the toilet. As soon as he squatted down, he heard the ghost's voice: "Do you want red toilet paper or white toilet paper?" Knowing that he couldn't accept ghosts, the man replied, "I always use newspapers." After a while, the man ran to the toilet again. The ghost saw it and held out his hand and said, "Yes!" Youth daily > or? "I always use sports newspapers. Ghost:-The man went to the toilet for the third time at night, but this time he was no longer afraid. The ghost asked, "Do you want it or not? "But I-I just want to pee," said the man.
19: A classmate was about to write a diary and found that the diary was used up. Although it was midnight, he rode his bike to look for it in the dark street. After searching for a long time, he finally found a bookstore and went before closing. He likes a diary and asks his boss how much it costs. The boss said in a low voice, "It's imported, and the price should be set in 70 yuan." The classmate said, "it's so expensive, but it is." Even if you are 50, "he thanked him happily, and the boss said gloomily," when you buy it back, don't open the last page, or something terrible will happen. Don't blame me for not reminding you! " The classmate said, "Yes, I see." He bought a diary and put it on the table by the window. At this time, he wants to take a bath and then come out to write a diary. After taking a shower, he found that the window in front of his desk was actually open, and the wind blew the diary page by page-almost the last page. He hurried to stop it, but it was too late, and the last page was blown away by the wind. A terrible thing happened-
Once upon a time, there was a man who loved his girlfriend very much. But one day, his girlfriend left him mercilessly and watched her go shopping arm in arm. He lost his mind and killed her. He was going to kill her and kill himself, but he couldn't. Since then, he has been haunted by nightmares every night. In his dream, his girlfriend had long hair and red tongue, and her fingers hung like hooks, which killed him. The nightmare tortured him to a bone, so he had to find one. The Taoist priest asked him to do three things: first, bury his girlfriend's body; Second, burn the pajamas worn by his girlfriend before his death; Third, wash away the hidden bloody clothes. Everything must be finished before midnight, otherwise it will be fatal. He did everything carefully according to the instructions of the Taoist priest, but the bloody clothes could not be washed clean, and it was going to be midnight soon. Sweat dripped from his face, but no matter how hard he rubbed it, it could not be washed clean. At this moment, suddenly the wind blew hard and the thunder rumbled. The window swayed from side to side by the wind. All the lights went out and the whole room was dark. In the lightning, I saw his girlfriend wearing bloody pajamas and pointing at him with a ferocious face. "Do you know why the blood won't wash away?" ? Because you are useless, Diao brand washing powder, idiot! "I have done it, and the carved cards are really clean.
2 1: A rich man received an unsigned letter and died before reading it. The general manager immediately reported the case, and the police officer came to read the letter and died on the spot. The sheriff was very experienced and concluded that it was a poisonous letter. He wore a gas mask to read the letter, but he didn't want to die on the spot. Just when everyone was at a loss, the neighbor's children came to peek at the letter, and everyone found it too late to stop it. But the child is not dead.
After the masquerade, the guests took off their disguise as required. A "mummy" asked someone nearby to help him untie the shroud-in the end, everyone only saw a pile of shroud.
23: A tourist is sheltering from the rain in an old house in the mountains, and a ghost is posing harm, which coincides with the strong wind destroying the old house and people and ghosts are fleeing. People clap their chests and say, "You scared me to death!" " The ghost also patted his chest and said, "You scared me to death!" " People blame it: "What did you die for?" The ghost is gone.
At 24: 00 in the evening, there was a sharp cry in the water room of the girls' dormitory. Other girls rushed into the water room with brooms and sticks. I saw a girl holding a towel in her hand, and everyone hurriedly asked, "What's the matter?" "Is there a ghost?" "Where did it go?" The girl didn't say anything for a long time and bowed her head and cried. Her delicate and touching appearance is heartbreaking. After repeated questioning, the girl finally spoke: "I mistook the foot washing towel for washing my face-"
65438+ 0: 25 am, insomnia. In the dark, I took out my mobile phone and surfed the Internet. Suddenly, the SMS bell rang. Who is texting so late? I looked at a strange number that said: You can't see me in the dark, but I am staring at your face. "What the hell? ! Shit, harassing text messages! " I suddenly felt creepy and looked around. It was dark, and only the mobile phone screen lit up my face.
26: A person has suffered all his life. At the age of 30, he was killed by a car. To make matters worse, he was thrown into hell. He asked the judge unconvinced, "I have done nothing wrong in my life." Why am I going to hell? " Judge: "Who asked you to change your surname? You have gone the wrong way in your life! " Man: "But many people have a good life after changing their surnames?" Judge: "Hey-but you won't change your name to Zhao (wrong), will you?"
27: An ugly woman knocked on my door three times in the middle of the night to recommend something to me. I was annoyed: "if you dare to knock again, I will be rude!" " ! "A few minutes later, someone knocked at the door again. I opened the door, but it was a very beautiful woman. I asked politely, "Miss, who are you looking for?" The woman said, "Big Brother, it's me again! With that, she tore off her face, revealing the original Zhang Chou face: "I recommend this mask to you. "
28: A woman with a shawl and long hair walks at night, and a rogue follows her closely. The woman turned left and right and walked into an underground passage. The rogue sped up behind the woman and whispered, "Don't move!" The woman stopped, but didn't turn around. With her back to the hooligan, she slowly lifted her shawl and long hair, revealing a pale face-she has been walking backwards! ! !
29: Two people work opposite each other in an old house in the mountains. It was so dark that they couldn't see their fingers. A suddenly asked, "Can you see me?" B said, "It's so dark. If I could see you, wouldn't I be a ghost? " A said, "But it's not right! Since you can't see me, why do you keep staring at my eyes when you talk? "
30: Four blind people chat, one proposal: invite a model, and all four people touch the model. Then talk about the appearance of the model separately. Finally, the model will judge who is the most accurate, and the other three people will treat you. Soon the models will be found and they will touch them one by one. The first blind man: "It's a young man, 1.8 meters, with a beard. Obviously a young woman, 1.6 meters, long hair shawl. " The third one: "What! A hunchbacked, wrinkled old man. " The fourth: "What are you talking about? She is obviously an old lady! Still wearing earrings. " The four of them started a heated argument, but the model didn't say a word. Suddenly, a blind man stopped arguing and stepped back. The other three blind people also realized something, stopped talking at the same time and stumbled out-
3 1: A couple of classmates went to climb the snow-capped mountain, and the weather suddenly turned bad as they approached the summit. But the students were in high spirits and insisted on going up. In the end, only one girl stayed in the camp, and everyone else went up. She waited for three days. At dusk on the third day, they didn't come back-just didn't have her boyfriend. The people who came back were pale. They said: Three days ago, when they reached the top, the people who came back sat in a circle, surrounded her and stared at her secretly. Classmate A said, "He doesn't want to stay here alone, but he will definitely come back to hook your soul. Don't be afraid, we will protect you! " The girls kept shaking. They just sat there. At midnight, the girl's boyfriend suddenly rushed in! He took the girl by the hand and ran out. Those people just looked blankly and didn't move. The girl screamed in fear and struggled desperately. After running a long distance, her boyfriend said, "Three days ago, when they sprinted to the top, everyone died, only he was alive!" "
A couple filmed a video for their son when he was three years old. The three-year-old seems to be very happy, jumping up and down in front of the camera before landing. The couple are also very happy. But before the video was over, the little boy died with his tongue out. One day a few years later, the couple missed their son and took out the video. Suddenly, they found that the son in the picture was not jumping happily, but a manual device appeared out of thin air above the camera.
A doctor takes the elevator home from the fourth floor after work. He found the elevator parked on the fourth floor. He opened the elevator and saw a female nurse standing with her head down inside. The doctor was puzzled, but he didn't think much. He pressed 1 floor and the elevator began to go down. The third floor, the second floor, 1 is here, but the elevator keeps going. No matter how the doctor presses it, the elevator keeps going down ... The B4 floor is the hospital morgue. Do you see the bracelet that man is wearing? That's a dead man's body ring! The nurse suddenly shouted savagely, is this a bracelet? This is the bracelet! ! Say that finish, she pulled up her sleeves and trouser legs, and her arms and legs were covered with corpse rings!
34. A couple quarreled fiercely. The husband strangled his wife in a rage. Instead of calling the police, he buried his wife's body in the backyard with his back. He was afraid that the child would find his mother when he got home, so he thought of a set of rhetoric, but the child didn't ask her for several days after he got home. The husband feels strange: "You haven't seen your mother for several days, why don't you ask?" Unexpectedly, the child said, "I see my mother every day. She's been lying on your back, and now she's watching you snicker. It's just that my mother's tongue is so long and scary. Dad, why have you been carrying my mother? " The husband suddenly turned around and there was nothing ... but he felt someone pinching his neck.
35: A man received a phone call from a stranger at work. The other party only said one sentence: something was lost in your house. The man hurried home after work and found that nothing was lost. After all, his home has a thick security door and a solid security window. How could he lose something? He woke up suddenly at night and heard someone under the bed whisper, "You-key-key.
36. When a person goes to hell, the child takes him to choose a room. The first room: a group of men and women soaked in boiling water, all raw. A wouldn't go in even if he died. So he looked at the second room: people were bitten by wild animals, and A wouldn't go in. The third room: a group of people are drinking tea in a waist-deep cesspit. A thought it was acceptable and went. Soon, the child came in.
37. When I was crossing the bridge with my classmates in elementary school, my classmates suddenly said, "Look, many children died in the water." I'm too timid to look, but I refuse to admit the bear. I crustily skin of head looked-there was a used condom floating in the water. I'm sweating all over-