I'm not that good, and you're not that good either
I'm not that good, and you're not that good either, but it doesn't matter. Each of us must learn to accept. When we can accept our own contradictions and complexities, we can accept the contradictions and complexities of others. Finally, we can accept the inevitable problems that arise in every interpersonal relationship when two contradictory and complex people meet. The contradictions and complexities that arise.
How to accept it?
1. Let go
There is such a story, a man was walking alone at night, and suddenly found himself sliding into a cliff. He grabbed around, still hoping to survive in despair. His life finally caught on to a small tree. He held on to the branch for several hours, but in the end he couldn't hold on anymore. With a last cry of despair, he let go and fell away from the branch. With only 15 centimeters on the ground, if he had given up this struggle earlier, he wouldn't have been in so much pain.
Letting go, just like letting go in this story, is not that scary. Ask yourself: What do you hold on to in your life that you are afraid of losing? What did this struggle cost you? Can you let go? What awaits you on the ground below? How deep will this fall be? If you let go, can you still live?
2. Reduce harshness
If you are always harsh on yourself and others, this generally points to some unresolved pain. These are some things from the past that continue to interfere with your peace of mind. Find out the source of your own insecurities and help yourself deal with these problems honestly and without concealment.
Xiaoli has lived in a family with divorced parents since she was a child. This kind of insecurity is deeply rooted in her heart. When she feels uneasy and unprotected, she easily blames others. She often criticized his subordinates to make herself feel safe.
Later she resorted to some questions, such as: In what situations do I find it difficult to accept myself? What changes can I make to feel more secure and secure? Through this kind of exploration, Xiaoli gradually discovered that when she encountered disagreements, she felt abandoned, so she got angry easily. Later, she gradually accepted that disagreements were not separation, and through psychological treatment, she calmed her inner child. Xiaoli, who had an increased sense of security, no longer criticized others harshly.
3. Remember: Only by experiencing pain can you grow
People say: Pain is a gift with ugly packaging, and pain is one of our greatest teachers. The deepest wounds often create the greatest power. What doesn't kill us will eventually make us stronger.
Aqiang was often bullied since he was a child. Those painful memories made him better understand the psychology of the weak in life. Later, Aqiang became a psychological counselor. He not only turned his pain into nourishment for growth, but also became a very strong, very accepting, very tolerant and very loving person, and brought healing to others. The power of healing.
4. Find a place that makes you feel compatible
Only when we find someone who can accept us can we accept ourselves.
Each of us shows many of our own shortcomings at home, but even with so many imperfections, we will still be accepted, appreciated, and loved by our family. So home is where we feel safe and where we accept ourselves as we are. But there will be some exceptions for parents who cannot accept their children as they are. When their children cannot satisfy their pursuit of perfection, they will close the door to communication with a "bang".
Make your home a safe haven for everyone as much as possible, so that everyone can be accepted at home as they are.
5. Spend time alone
The ability to be alone is a necessary condition for us to accept ourselves and others. Until we learn how to be comfortable with ourselves, we can be comfortable with others. Others' ***.
We can go for a walk by ourselves; read a book; write to ourselves in a magazine or diary; drive out by ourselves; take a nap; or we can have a conversation with ourselves.
Xiaolan has always had a habit: when facing pressure or being challenged, she would walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror, as if she saw her father staring at her from behind, so he Just use the confident voice of your father to speak to yourself in your heart: You can do it, Xiaolan. It was as if her father was really in the room with Xiaolan and said: I believe in you, you can always meet every challenge.
Through this inner dialogue, Xiaolan is able to overcome difficulties and challenges every time and continue to pursue her dreams.
6. Take your time
It is not easy to be accepting, and you need to improve in stages.
Accepting yourself is only the first step; accepting that others are equally contradictory and complex is the second step. Not only do you have to accept other people with all their flaws and complexities, you also have to accept their view of the world and (even more importantly) their view of you.
If the future dream you set for your child is not their dream, can you accept the path your child will take? If your child wants to choose an artistic path that you are not optimistic about, can you support him unconditionally and help him realize his dream?
I'm not that good, and you're not that good either, but it doesn't matter.
If you can understand the depth of the need not to be separated from others, you can understand the fear of being different, the fear of being more than a few steps away from the crowd.
?——Erich Fromm
Weather: It rained all day today
Location: Study
This This is the 14th day of Chunyu’s One Book a Day continuous update
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