Young man, you don't even have five dollars, do you?
Just started school, a girl transferred from the middle school next door is quite beautiful. The teacher asked her to introduce herself on the platform. The girl went to the podium and said, Hello, my name is Jiao Yuan, and I am 17 years old this year. Thank you. On hearing the name, I smiled. The teacher glared at me: What are you laughing at, Mai Biyan? I .......
My daughter is three years old, and my wife came home from work at noon last night to have lunch together! Wife: Honey, did you watch TV last night? My daughter looked at me and asked, Dad, did I watch TV last night? Me (hesitating for three seconds): No! Daughter: No! Mom ~ wife: hmm ~ hum, you two are so treacherous ~
I remember a few years ago, I met an old fortune teller on the road. At that time, he stopped me and insisted on giving me a divination. I asked him, "What can I do for you?" The old man confidently replied, "Well, five dollars is nothing." Me: "Do you think I have money in my pocket now?" The old man stared at me for a long time and asked me strangely, "Young man, you don't even have five dollars, do you?" Crazy, really not. . . . .
Once again, the reporter went to interview penguins and asked what you are doing every day now. Penguin: Eat, sleep and play with peas! Ask the second, the third ... the answer is the same. The last one arrived, and the reporter said, Are you Doudou? Penguin slapped the reporter. Crying, I fell asleep. . . Go to sleep. . . .
When I was a child, I dug in the yard and dug up an antique jar with a good seal. I thought it was a treasure left by my ancestors, but when I opened it, it was modern money. . . I gave the money to my mother, but my father beat me up. . .
I heard from a friend that when he was in college, a boy with low emotional intelligence finally met a girl he liked, and they just started dating. Once a girl was ill, and a boy accompanied her to the infirmary for intravenous drip. Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, and nothing happened. Thinking of breaking the silence, the boy asked, "Is it cold?" Girl: "cold". Boy: "I'll cover it for you when it's cold?" The girl blushed and whispered "Yes". Then the boy stood up and put his hand on the drip bottle.
When I went to the drugstore to buy gunpowder, I saw a sister weighing herself on the scale at the door. While she was not looking, her boyfriend came up behind her. Sister looked at the results, obviously paused, turned and hugged her boyfriend, and actually began to cry ... crying. ...
In high school, my deskmate and I made a bet on helping each other cook. On the first day he lost, he helped me cook and gave me at least half a catty of rice! Then say don't waste food! I am a girl. I'm hurt. I lost the next day, he said with a smile, keep playing. I'm not afraid! I can eat as much as I want! So I waited in the last row before the delivery truck left and only gave him a bite of rice.
A monk came to the canteen and bought a bottle of shampoo and two cans of beer. Curious, a friend asked the monk: wine and meat pass through the intestines, but the Buddha stays in his heart. Master, you don't need this shampoo, do you? Monk: Oh, this is for my wife. Friends think that a master is a master!
Dad called and said something had happened to my sister. I hurried home to see my sister sitting on the sofa crying, and my mother's eyes were red. I quickly asked my dad what happened, and my dad said, "Your sister deleted your mother's happiness, and your mother hit level 500!" "
Young man, do you want a girl? It's free.
I have been with my friends for almost two years, and my feelings have always been good. But recently, I found that he is getting colder and colder to me, which is not as good as before. Until one day, I had something on my way to work, and then I came back halfway. When I opened the bedroom door, I found him lying in bed with a strange woman. I was stunned for a long time. Finally, I said silently, "Can you tell me when you began to like women?"
Xiao Wang went to buy a car. The salesman asked, "Do you want a hatchback or a sedan?" Xiao Wang said, "They are all small. I want a five-compartment car. " Sales: "Why is it not spicy?
I teased the boss's daughter (16 or 17) that she didn't know when the boss came, but no one told me that after work, the boss invited me to dinner, and there were spicy squid and leek squid, which fired me. Now I'm thinking about going to work tomorrow.
There is a kannika nimtragol in the street with a bad temper. She has a bad relationship with her husband and her mother-in-law has a bad temper. Once she quarreled with her mother-in-law, and her husband yelled at her and told her to get out. Kannika nimtragol was angry and really came out at night ... it was extremely cold ... her home was far away and she couldn't bear to stay in a hotel. An hour later, she flew back ... back. ..
Dad bought a pair of chess, and he will drag me to play a few games when he comes home from work. Seeing that my father was so cheerful, I sat down and played a few games with him. Suddenly I lit a cigarette, and my dad grabbed it, put it in his mouth and smoked a few mouthfuls. When he saw my mother coming out of the kitchen, he quickly stuffed it into my hand. Looking at half a cigarette in my hand, and then at my dad's calm expression, I suddenly found that this chess game is getting more and more interesting.
When I was in junior high school, I bought a pair of chicken wings on the Jianghu. They were abnormal and spicy. The boss used a needle to beat capsaicin on the chicken wings. I took a bite, drank two cans of Sprite, and threw the rest to the stray dogs on the roadside. As a result, the dog ate a chicken wing and jumped directly into the river.
"During this time, I quarreled with my wife every day." "Can you argue with her?" "Every time I talk to the end, she doesn't say anything." "So powerful, what did you say?" "I said, I'm sorry, I was wrong."
The hobo's wife was pregnant for more than two months, and the calculated date was similar, but she was pregnant after all the measures were taken. I said it might be Tt's fault. Bought it from a small vendor, and a second-rate wife collapsed. I asked why, but the second-rate wife said seriously: What if the child asks us how he came? Can you say that it was bought by an impostor?
I remember when I was in high school, all the delicious food I often brought was taken away by my classmates, and I once celebrated April Fool's Day! I bought several packages of Oreos generously and turned all the white things in them into toothpaste. Since then, no classmates have robbed me of my delicious food. .
I was a little hungry at night, so I went out to eat midnight snack. As a result, just after eating for a while, an aunt sneaked over and asked me, "Do you want a girl?" Free! ".I was excited at that time and felt that there was such a good thing. I said, give me one right away. After a while, my aunt brought a plate of duck head. ...
That day, when the teacher wanted to go to the toilet, a student ran over and said, "Teacher, I have no paper. Can I have some paper? " Based on the teacher's moral quality, I gave her my paper and asked him to go to the office to get it for me. He has been in class for a long time and hasn't come yet. ...
Confessions of a very subtle young man
Confessions of a very subtle young man
1, the wind is ruthless and people are affectionate. Heavy rain is merciless, and people are affectionate. Snow is ruthless, and people are affectionate. My love for you will never change. Believe me, I love you forever!
Today, I feel hot all over, and I feel like I'm on fire. Do you know why? Because of your appearance, there are two suns in my life. The sunshine of nature shines on my body, but you burn my heart. I am in love with you.
If you are worried or sad because I love you, then no words can replace my guilt. I'm sorry! What should I do to you?
It is really difficult to decide one thing. I don't know how to continue and how to start again. Living alone? I suddenly realized that I was such an indecisive person.
5. Time changes day by day, years pass by day, and trees grow old day by day. But my heart for you will never change, and I will always love you.
I am the brightest morning star in the sky. I have never changed for thousands of years, just to protect you. From darkness to dawn, from this world to life, I just want to look at you from a distance, quietly and stupidly. This is my greatest happiness and joy. I love you!
7. I would like to become a goldfish with you and swim freely in the fish tank. I want to be a butterfly with you and fly freely in the sky. I want to be a rabbit with you and run freely on the grass. As long as we are together forever, I will be satisfied.
8. Love you until the seas run dry and the rocks crumble! Your face looks forward to it day and night! I just want to be with you all my life! Never regret after life! Read the first word of each sentence together!
Time will prove my firm and persistent love for you. Don't let the distance between time and space doubt each other's true feelings and confidence. Stick to it and never give up easily.
10, accompanied by white clouds, the sky is no longer lonely. With the company of flowers and plants, the earth is no longer lonely. With my company, you are no longer alone. I will always be with you!
1 1, eat a rotten apple, it won't be sweet; Taste a moldy cherry, there will be no delicious beauty; Bad food can't be eaten, and fickle people can't love it. Choose me. I am the best, I promise I will only love you and never change.
12, if this love is to be exchanged with my life, I am willing. If this love makes me live only one more day, I am willing!
13. If I don't propose to you, I will regret it all my life, because you are the only one for me. I don't want all of you, just your ring finger; I can't give you everything, I can only give you a wedding ring.
14, the pursuit of life lies in your acquaintance; Love me, dear baby; Let's grow old together.
15, you treat me like a kite, either let me go or take me home. Don't bind me with an invisible emotion, it will break my heart.
From now on, I won't allow you to disappear from my sight. From now on, I won't allow you to hide anything sad from me. From now on, I won't allow you to work so hard. Believe me, I will always be by your side.
17, the first time we met, you were so different, and your refined temperament moved me. I don't need to carve your name in my heart with a knife, and I don't need to draw your appearance on paper, because you have left an indelible shadow on my spirit.
18, I dare not say that I will make you all happy, but I will try my best to make you the greatest happiness!
19, you are my cotton-padded jacket in winter and ice cream in summer. You are the Apollo in my life. I am willing to pull a scooter and collect junk for you! I hope I can walk side by side with you, and Qian Shan will certainly walk!
20. Love is like charcoal. When it burns, you have to find a way to cool it. If you let it go, you will burn a heart.
2 1, I want you to know that I really love you and I am worried about you. What will you do without me to take care of you all your life?
22. Since I had you, I have converged my thoughts. From then on, loneliness and loneliness will not occupy the days with you.
23. You are the most beautiful in my eyes, and every smile makes me intoxicated. Your bad, your good, your pout when you lose your temper.
24. I close my eyes and make a wish at the meteor to let you know that I love you! Can I see a meteor when I close my eyes? No, so you still don't know that I love you!
25, no matter the ends of the earth, no matter spring, summer, autumn and winter, I will definitely take you, no matter where I go, you are the heaviest bag in my life!
26. I am a graduate of a famous university with a doctorate in animal anatomy. After we got married, we started our own business and opened a stall selling pork in the food market. I cut the meat and you collect the money.
27. No matter what happens in the future, what kind of person you become will always be my favorite and most concerned person.
If I bother you because I miss you, nothing can replace my guilty and sad heart. I'm sorry! What should I do to you?
29. If one day you think of someone who loved you, it must be me. If one day no one loves you, it must be that I am dead.
I won't run away again. I won't back down again. I hope I have the opportunity to be responsible for your happiness, health and happiness. Love you forever!
3 1. Thinking of you is a kind of beautiful sadness and sweet melancholy, but in my heart, it is a kind of warmth that no language can express.
32. At this moment, because I miss you, everything is no longer important. At this moment, because I miss you, everything becomes foggy. At this moment, because I need you, time is so hard.
33, coffee and partner, coconut milk sago, just like you and me, perfect match! If I don't marry you, I will become an "old bachelor"!
34. what Waste paper? Is that a long lyric poem I wrote, or do I propose to you ... don't you understand? Then what are you doing for your brother? He is a garbage collector. Can he read poetry?
35. How many times have you appeared in your dream? How many times have you been called by yourself? I just want to hold your hand and walk the road of life. How great love is! Get married!
Do you think I'm still the one who has to think about it for fifty dollars for a long time? I want something five dollars deep.
1. The world is sick, not to mention I have to raise it.
2. Don't go out when the roads in single dog are frozen in winter, because if you fall, it will freeze into ... Wang Wang will break the ice.
Lazy personality, interest is playing, specialty is eating, and skill is sleeping.
4. Is the daughter-in-law important or the game important? Of course, the daughter-in-law is important, so I only dare to play games, not my daughter-in-law.
When I got up in the morning, I saw someone shouting in the mirror, "Wow, this beautiful girl looks like a flower."
6. I am so stupid. You said you would love me forever, but I forgot to ask, is it this life or the next life?
7. What is a friend? Put 500 yuan on the table and you won't lose it. If you put a bag of melon seeds back, there will be a pile of skin left.
8. This is a magical era. Pupils call themselves gods and demons, junior high school students call themselves my palace and me, senior high school students call themselves grandfathers, and college students call themselves babies.
9. After cutting my hair, the barber asked me how I felt. I was silent for a while and said, I am happy if you are happy.
10. Please don't giggle at me when I call your full name, because I'm serious at this moment.
1 1. The old vine is a faint crow, the school food is too bad, and the classmates are hungry. The sun is setting. Well, I'm going home.
12. Grandpa said that in their time, when they met questions that they couldn't do in the exam, they wrote "Long live Chairman Mao", and no one dared to cross it.
13. Every woman is looking for a man, but in the end, she finds that the most man is herself.
14. In the afterlife, I want to be a dandelion, without attachments, without desires, calm and safe.
15. I was from Shenyang before drinking, and Shenyang is mine after drinking.
16. Every time I finish my homework, I sit at my desk and sort out the materials, as if I had just finished broadcasting the news broadcast.
17. The girl I love has a round chest. If I touch her big ass, she will still call me a hooligan.
18. The boy at that station was very handsome, so I went forward and grabbed his potato chips and ran away.
19. Born in light, born in food, born in fat, born in bangs, born in gale, born in me, why not have my partner?
20. If you are good, I can consider not patting your ass or touching your chest!